She has been my best friend for over 23 years. we grew up together. the problem? she has always been the 'victim'. when we talk she constantly dumps everything on me...then says she's sorry for doing that after the fact, then still expects me to give her good advise..all the while she never asks how i am doing...or if anything is bothering me. she's a 'taker' when it comes to relationships. she has abandonment issues from her childhood from when her mother left her w/her grandmother to raise. her father was not a part of her life till she was 13 and then he died suddenly a year after they finally met. i hate feeling this way..but when i see her name on my caller ID i get sick to my stomach knowing that yet again i will have to listen to her troubles and complaints and "im so sorry to unload on your like this, but what should i do." she also always tell me how envious of my life she is. i HATE feeling guilty for having a great family. i don't want to hurt her,but i cant take it any more
2006-12-13 12:02:05 · 4 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
she is 29 ( as am i), married and has a baby. she has a great job, and her husband does as well. i DONT talk to her that often. we live far apart. i don't LET her dump on me...i am very clear about how i feel about what she does. she does it anyway, and always has. im not angry at her, nor have i ever said anything to her in anger...that solves nothing. i do try the "i have to go" tactic with her. example. i say, "her name" i HAVE to go get the kids from school i don't want them sitting out on the curb....she replies..."okay, well we can't have that.....i just really thought that you could help me...'fill in the blank with whatever'....
i continue by saying, "we can talk later i need to get the kids.." again she will continue talking until 1. im late, or 2. i say, sorry gotta go..and hang up on her.
she doesn't get mad at me about it, but plays the "poor me" game when i call her back later that evening.
2006-12-13 12:25:42 · update #1
Wow, that is hard. My mother in law was in the same situation with a friend. She finally told the person that she doesn't think she can offer her the best advice, and she thought she should see a professional. But it is wrong of her to say that she is envious of you~~ she doesn't even know what's going on with you! YOu can outright tell her that, or avoid her. Good luck
2006-12-13 12:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by misskenjr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend is a very lonely person, not alone but lonely. Why would you end such a long friendship ? You need to let her know exactly how you feel about her behaviour and set limits. We teach people how to treat us. She dumps on you because you let her. You can be strong, stand your ground, be firm and still remain friends. If everything you said about your friend is true, then try standing in her shoes .... I do that a lot -- its a good jolt and keeps me grounded and unselfish. You should not feel guilty about your life and at the same time, she should deal with her issues and get on with her life. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your friend without being angry. She needs to understand that living in the past with "what ifs" and feeling sorry for herself is stopping her from moving forward and obviously from having some peace of mind. Yes, it's frustrating but you could have a lot worse things going on in your life. Good luck.
2006-12-13 20:16:54 · answer #2 · answered by spider 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats rough. My sister is like that too, unfortunately i can't end my sisterhood with her. But here's what you can do to help the situation. Talk to her BEFORE she calls you. Call her and tell her YOU want to talk to HER about something. Nicely tell her that its really hard for you to always be the one she comes to all the time. You're happy to help her, but you feel like your friendship is kind of one sided and it's making you feel bad. Maybe she is just unaware that you feel this way. Tell her that if she is really having so much trouble and really needs someone to talk to so much maybe a therapist could help? That way you guys could have a much more healthy friendship!
2006-12-13 20:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by sunkist3122 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
next time she calls and she starts going on and on about her life tell her that you have to go...try and cut back how much you talk to her...i know its hard to out right tell someone that you dont want to hear about her problems...its very selfish of her to do what she is doing...i wish you luck and i wish i could have been more help
2006-12-13 20:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by Loopy182 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋