Can you tell your spouse what to eat?

Question

My wife is nearing obesity, I told her that I think she looks great, and that I am not so much concerned with how much she ways now but the fact that she has contunously gained weight and is headed for serious problems. She is already starting to health issues. She agreed and asked me to help her loose weight, which i have been trying to do. I found out that my wife has been throwing out the lunches I make for her to take to work and getting fast food. I tried to talk to her about this, but she went off on me and told me it was none of my business what she ate. I beleive that it is my busines since she she is hurting her self and causing herself potential problems and because she wants to have a baby, and I believe my kids mother deserves a mom who will be around and healthy for a long time. Am I right or wrong for this? Controlling jerk or concerned husband?

wow i can't believe I spelled weighs, ways... pardon me im a l little dislexic....

Answer 1

You may need to remind her that she did ask you for help. Let her know your concerns and that you love her enough to want to keep her around for many years to come.

Answer 2

You are 100% correct. She would not have children with a drug addict because of the risks why should you have children with a woman that is killing her self with food. I have been big all my life so this is not some skinny woman putting down overweight people. However, there are serious problems with people that over eat while talking about losing weight. I can see why she is so defensive about her weight. She knows that she is not doing what she is supposed to be doing so because she is failing at losing again( more than Likely) she needs someone else to blame. She asked you to help her and you agreed BIG Mistake although you meant well it will never work. Every time that she hasn't lost any weight, she will have you to blame for that. What you need to do from now on is just remove MOST of the bad food from the house. Tell her that you will support her if she really wants to do this weight loss thing. Maybe even help her pay for a membership to weight watchers they are really good at exposing the real reason for over eating.

Just for your info. Closet eaters are three times more likely to have a heart attack than non-closet eaters because the will consume more fat in each setting.

Closet eater is what I was. Eat a lot of food when no one is around or say things like I haven't eaten all day and I am starving. Then eat like crazy. I had to keep a diary of my food before I realized I was a closet eater. Since then I do not eat when I am alone. I have lost a lot of weight that way.

Good Luck

Food is an addiction just like drugs.

Answer 3

You really can't tell her what to eat but you can be a loving supporting husband and sit her down and tell her how much you love her and how you want to spend as many years with her as you can but that you are so worried about her health and her weight. My husband did this with me several years ago after I had balloned over 200 pounds while on depression medication. And being 5 foot 3 made me look even larger. So I started a food plan,what I mean by that I got a notebook and made a healthy breakfast,lunch and dinner,along with two low calorie snacks and 8 glasses of water. If I forgot and didn't make my menu out before the next morning I would just start eating anything easy to grab-- like poptarts. Weight Watchers is the menu I took my food items from,if she could just borrow a members book,or even join it would help. I lost50 pounds keeping that notebook and have never flet better in my life. I am a emotional eater and when my life is going wrong I tend to over eat as a comfort aid

Answer 4

As hard as it is to watch a loved one contribute to their bad health, there really isnt much you can do without coming across as insensitive.
All you can do is express lightly how you wish she would think about being healthier for the sake of her children and how much better she might feel. DO NOT SAY SHE IS FAT whatever you do. Thats an immediate ticket to the couch.
If you want her to eat healthier join in on this yourself by eating and doing healthy things with her. Dont single her out. You have to consider that weight is a serious issue to a woman and a very hurtfull one no matter how you aproach it. Continue to do it lovingly, but dont get frustrated and rude. She has to come to the conclusion that she wants to change. If she has friends that could help her and show support during this time it helps. I lost 64 pounds through Weight Watchers, but only after coming to the conclusion myself that I was sick of being unhealthy.
Your support though is what is going to help. Dont stop expressing your concern. She will come around.

Answer 5

There's a saying which goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" so in your case you can have an honest heart to heart sit down discussion about your concerns but respect her views even if they are not what you want to hear. Not every woman is gonna stay the same size as when you first meet them, same applies to us guys too you know, but if the love is genuine and she's a keeper then you'll love her no matter what her size is.

If the size thing is really such a big deal for you then you are obligated to tell her how you feel and how it is affecting the marriage. Might try to sit down with a physcian and discuss things from a medical point of view but ultimately it is her decision to make about her weight gain. Learn to live with it or move on so you both don't wind up miserable divorced parents.

Answer 6

If she's throwing out the lunch you make then she's obviously not ready for your help. Remind her that she asked for your help and let her know of your concerns for the future. Offer to fit in going to the gym together or just let her gain weight, when none of her clothes fit right she'll lose the weight. Make sure you tell her, and mean it, that you love her regardless of her weight. Being too controlling or pushy often has the opposite effect. Just back off some after you say what you need to, let it go a few months and see what happens.

Answer 7

Absolutely concerned husband... you wife is overweight... she asked you to help her... then do it...
buy a gym membership... close to either the house or to work... no more than 5 minutes out of the way...
if she is throwing away the food she asked you to make for her and eating fast food then take her money... one time...
if she doesn't love you enough to trust that you want to help her... then your next step should be counselling...
I am about 20 lbs over my height's suggested weight limit... I asked my wife to help me with it... she has... its not easy... cuz she is the one that knows everything about me... she is the one person who will always tell me the truth... I'm seeing slow results but my main motivators are her, my future kids, and wanting to be able to smile when I look in the mirror...
who is her best friend... closest confidant... her mom even.. organize and strategize... most importantly include your wife in it all... its her plan to success... she's the one that needs to see the reasons and the results...
Good Luck

Answer 8

Sounds like you're a concerned husband. But right now even though she probably realises that she's still thinking of you as a controlling jerk. I know after my daughter was born I needed to lose 30 lbs. I have never had to try and lose weight (had actually had to try to gain it) and so it seemed like a huge deal. i asked my husband to help me...big mistake! He meant well and wasn't being a jerk but if he ever mentioned anything to me I'd get furious and self conscious. It was not good! So my advice to you would be to tell her your concerns, offer to go to the gym with her or pay for her to go to weight watchers, offer to go to overeaters anonymous with her, then tell her you love her and just want her around and healthy and then drop the subject. Otherwise she's going to start getting depressed and she'll eat more and gain more. Good luck!

Answer 9

You're in the right. Sometimes we need do or not do certain things that we like. It's part of maturing. There's nothing wrong with a spouse trying to convince thier partner to not smoke or drink or even over eat. She has an obligation to be reasonable to you and not let herself go like that...as you would if you had an addiction that affected her. And if she does plan on having a child, much of that child's vitality and potential in life is a result of how the mother took care of it in the womb. If not for herself or for you, she needs to make good choices for a potential baby. Yes...Mcdonalds or Taco Bell can be a bad choice.

Answer 10

You are both right, and wrong. Right in that everything about your spouse IS your business. And, everything about her spouse IS her business. Wrong, in that you allowed this to be a reason for argument. You are probably a good hearted, loving husband. But, it won't matter. You can't control what your wife eats, even if it kills her. For some reason, some people just eat to excess. Your only choice is divorce, or living as the second most important thing to your wife, with the first being food.

Answer 11

You sound very concerned for your wife. ;o) But you've got to remember diet's are not that easy for some. Just keep being supportive by telling her how concerned you are about her and don't want anything to happen to her. Maybe suggest seeing a doctor who can give her idea's of losing weight. She's got to want to lose the weight as well and learn to control her own urges. It's not always easy but there are so many different types of diets out there and I'm sure she could find one that can work out for her. good luck to you both. ;o)