I have four, he has three, and tho I don't really want any more, anyway, I sometimes feel inadequate as a woman because that's a bond I can NEVER share with him.
How do I get beyond this? What do I do when that feeling hits me?
2006-12-13 11:54:26 · 17 answers · asked by moniquebell 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You already have children, stop complaining. Some people can't have children in the first place. You don't need to have children with him to have a bond...
2006-12-13 11:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have seven kids between you then i wouldn't want anymore. The bonding is wonderful for a man and a woman to share a child. However what about the bond with the other parents of these 7 kids The children are not seeing that bond anymore because their parents are with other people. The thing that should cross your mind is why bring another child in to a blended family that would just cause more trouble between your and his and the two of you and the children's other parents. There are bonds that can be shared without having children. I cannot have children but I don't feel inadequate as a woman i feel that God has done this for a reason. I have trust as a bonding agent with my husband and myself. Share the lives that you have. Everything else will play out.
Good Luck
Feather
2006-12-13 20:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by Feather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Between the two of you...you have 7 children. That's a LOT. If the only thing that makes you feel like a woman is producing babies...then you have serious issues. Be thankful for the children you have and the man you're sharing your life with. You already hvae more blessings than most women can even hope for
2006-12-13 19:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you feel inadequate when you already have 4 children?,he has 3 kids,have you bonded with each other's
children? what difference does it make if you don't have a child with your husband, I'm sure he knew that you could't have any more children when you married him,stop beating yourself up
and be happy with the children that you and your husband have
be blessed that you have children a lot of people with they had children and can't have them.
so count the blessings you have and stop complaining.
I had a tubal ligation 15 yrs ago, my children are 10yrs apart
I said I wanted 2 and that was it,so I had 2 and stopped at 2
my daughter is 25 yrs old son 15yrs old, I'm divorced from my husband,had a boyfriend for 10 yrs,broke up with him 7 mos ago,not because I couldn't have children in both relationship,other things broke up
both relationships,so when I meet or date someone and they ask
if I can have children I say no, and I don't want anymore
2006-12-13 21:25:03 · answer #4 · answered by msalb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same boat.
Its a funny mind game and I dont know why women think this way.What has helped me,,is knowing ,,,anybody can have a kid with anybody, but to have a true solid relationship..That takes hard work and is the true reward.
I may also think somewhat differently on the children bond, I have a bond with my children,,,but I have no bond with their Father(s)..I think that is something daytime TV dreamt up for soap Operas.
get a puppy!
2006-12-13 19:59:58 · answer #5 · answered by Akida 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the very best step mom you can be. He'll appreciate that more than anything else you could do for or give to him and you and all the children of this marriage will benefit. The feelings of inadaquicey will lessen over time as you become more secure in your marriage. That's probably what most of that is not to mention a little baby fever. It'll be ok.
2006-12-13 21:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by ReBelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of all the things you will be missing: around the clock feedings, beginning at 2:00am, messy diapers, baby food jars, separate laundry, teething, potty training, first day of school, colic, throw up, sleepless nights, teaching the vowel sounds, going to PTA meetings, puberty, adolescence, teenage years, college (financial strain), soccer, baseball, ballet, boys, girls, and the list goes on and on. Boy am I glad I can't have anymore children. The three I have I love to death, but so glad that they are 21,19 and 16, getting out of the way!!
2006-12-13 20:34:56 · answer #7 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most women want to have a child with her beloved. Sometimes fate has it that you can't. It doesn't mean that what you have is any less that it would have been. Your have 7 wonderful kids to raise together and that is a bond also.
2006-12-13 19:58:41 · answer #8 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a man that has two children and I have two myself. We've never shared any children together but I feel like when I married him he gave me two more children ;o). Sure they have their own mother but I'll settle for being their second one. ;o) Just enjoy the family you do have. Just think no more going thru labor. That in itself should be something to smile about. good luck to you. ;o)
2006-12-13 20:03:07 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try talking it out with ur man let him know how you are feeling and that you are felling hurt right now.. explain to him its nothing that he has done but you just feel the way you do.. and be happy for what you already have not what you dont have...
lots of luck and happy holidays
2006-12-13 19:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by Beth m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋