is it possible that i can fail at being a mother?

Question

I am 15, and pregnant. the babys father is 16. we've been together for a year. i go to school and so does he. i'm scared that i could never be a good mother. i never had to care for anyone else but my self and now its this little person living inside me...... it feels weird. i think i am going to fail... i love babys but i can't see me with my own. and im getting fat. i'm scared. can somebody please tell me what to do?

Answer 1

I'm sure you will be okay, once you see your baby, that mother stuff just comes natural...trust me. I was your age when I had my first and everyone says I am the greatest mother.....dont worry.

Answer 2

I don't want to be harsh but you are 15. Chances are that you are not going to provide a baby with a stable (financial and emotional) environment for a baby. You are still a kid. Just because you are old enough to get pregnant doesn't mean you're capable of raising a child. For all the people that said that you can't fail at being a parent...how wrong can you be? There wouldn't be 12 year old criminals if parents were doing a good job. You should really look into adoption for this child. This child did not ask to be here and deserves the best chance. While it is good that you are concerned and that you care....a 15 year old is not capable of properly taking care of a child. People rationalize the fact that they are doing a good job. Just because things could be worse they think that makes their situation and their parenting ok. It's not. If you really care you will put the welfare of this child before your own emotional feeling. It will be hard because it seems like you already love this baby, but the most selfish thing you could do would be do try and raise it yourself.

Answer 3

Yes, it is possible that you can fail. But the simple fact that you are acknowledging this problem and trying to find a solution shows that maybe you will not fail. The odds are stacked against you though.

I'd say that the first and most important things you need to do are:
1. take care of your health. Eat right, exercise, no drugs/chemicals, see your doctor regularly.
2. finish school, even if it is just your GED. Make sure you learn some sort of skill that will provide you with a decent income. Even if you can't go to college, that's ok. But make sure you go to at least a trade school or get a two-year degree. Learn to do SOMETHING. Speak to your conselor about it.
3. Take child development and parenting classes and take what you learn very seriously.

Also, keep in mind that it is really not important that you "love babies". Whatever. Everyone loves babies. The kid will only be a baby for a couple of years, then you still have 16 more years to raise him or her. The majority of the time he or she is your child, he will be a kid and a teenager, not a baby. Everyone loves babies- that's the easy part.

Answer 4

People fail sometimes, but it is usually through selfishness or not caring. As concerned as you seem to be, I bet you do just fine. it won't be easy, not at all. Sometimes you'll be afraid, but the joy of a child is a wonder to behold. Just never, you or the daddy get so mad when the baby wakes you up sick or crying or just seems to be ALWAYS NEEDY that you would hit the baby. That is what a baby does, it needs us. Young parents have the hardest time sometimes realizing that the baby is ALWAYS and they need tender loving care. I was a young daddy many years back. My sweet little girl was so precious to me then and now, grown & with her own babies.

As for getting fat, that is part of the process. you'll lose back down. Your body will always be different and look some different after having a baby, but that's not bad.

Finally, if you really don't think you can really handle a baby, sometimes love requires that we let the baby go to another person who can and have another baby when we are more ready. Sometimes your family can help you raise them too, or the daddy's family. But most times, as long as they are realistic and seek advise when they need it and never hurt the baby on purpose, young paprents get through, and are good parents. Not perfect, because no parent can be perfect, but they do well.

I bet you love and cherish the baby and turn out to be a pretty good parent.

God Bless and good luck to all three of you.

Answer 5

Well, there's really nothing that we can say to you to help you prevent from being pregnant because you already are. As far as you failing as a parent? Don't lose faith. I mean, at least you're concerned enough to ask. That means you're caring enough to raise your baby right.

I have a friend who got pregnant at 14 and her boyfriend was 14 at the time as well -- they had the baby at 15. Lucky for her, her boyfriend had a good support system. Her side, on the other hand, wasn't so good. She came from an abusive, single parent home. Her boyfriend's family took her in and they raised their child together.

Well, both of them are 26. He's working in construction and she's in dental school. They're no longer together, but they never let their relationship get in the way of raising their daughter. They're both still in very good terms. They were younger than you when they conceived and I don't think they failed as parents at all.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

Answer 6

I think that you should see if your clinic (obgyn) has a nurse who travels to your home to teach you parenting techniques, to act as a liason for you for any medical bills, insurance problems etc, and also acts as a surrogate mother. They come to you and sit with you and just talk. They are there to support you and to councel you on how to move forward even though you feel like you are being held down. Your obgyn should have or know of someone who will do this for you.

First off, do not consider abortion. That life in side of you has a right to live. If you do not feel like you want this baby, you can opt for an open adoption where a friend or close relative adopts the baby but you have the right to freely see the child and to visit often. My friend in HS did this and she was eternally grateful. She got to see her baby, but another family took care of her as well.

You are putting on weight because the baby is growing. You are not getting fat. Do not go on a diet, just eat healthy.

Please look into the councelor. She will be someone who can really help alleviate your fears and help you to make the right steps in being a mommy.

Answer 7

Well realizing the fact that you are young and scared BUT DID NOT mention having abortion, shows the first sign of being a loving and caring mom. It also shows your devoted b/c your still in school bettering your life. I commend you so much for that! It is scary to all first time mommies. Do you have any family support? I had my first child @ 16 and I know how scary it can be. But if you try and give it all you've got you can't fail. I'm not saying it wont be hard b/c it will be but with love and support from fam, teachers,friends it can be done!

Answer 8

You are not a failure as a Mother because you are concerned about it now before the baby is born. There are people who can help you with motherhood. The best people are your mother and the mother of the baby's father. If he wants the baby, great. If he doesn't then you can find a way to give the baby a future. Remember it is not his fault he is being born. That does not mean that he can not be loved. Pray for God to send you help. If you believe then you will get help. Let me know how things go and I hope I can be of help. navysonofga

Answer 9

Of course you are worried, and it's a sign of maturity that you recognize you are not prepared for this. I suggest seeing if there is a crisis pregnancy center in your area that can help you find out about resources in your area. You might consider open adoption, so you could "pick" the adoptive parents and continue to know how the child is doing. I"m afraid no one can or should tell you what to do - the decisions are so important, my advice is to find out any resources or help available and make the best decisions you can. I hope you have some counseling and support available to you - thru the county health department or your school perhaps. Keep asking for help!

Answer 10

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Answer 11

The idea of the perfect mom is gone. It is time to replace it with the idea of the perfect you. The best you can do is your best, until you decide to do better. And then it is your choice, not the choice of your mother or "your neighbor" or even your "boyfriend".

http://web.mac.com/leinaar/iWeb/yppo/welcome.html

The link above will help you with all your questions, and it also has tips, and a chat room, for young mothers,

I want to wish you all the happiness in the world..Please remember that YOU WILL BE OK!!!!!!!!

YOU WILL NOT FAIL...YOU WILL BE A GREAT MOTHER...JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF...email me if you ever need to talk...to someone