I asked my husband what would he like for his big shabang 40th next month and he says 3-some in Vegas! I say okay Vegas sounds good and do-able, and so does the 3-some. I have done it a few times with other couples before my husband, and im afraid that it may ruin my marriage in sum way. I have never come between a couple that i did it with or continued contact with them because i wanted them to live their lives without me being an issue. I know marriage is hard enuf work.....Will it ruin my marriage? how many couples have done it and things are still normal? My husband swears i have nothing to worry about....that im the love of his life and he waited till he was in his mid-thirties to marry me because he wanted to marry someone he was sure he could stand for the rest of his life and someone who is comfortable enuf to experiment some things. I believe him and besides the normal arguments & some dis-agreements, things are great in our marriage. 5-years & we are still inlove.........
2006-12-13 11:30:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't do this! Please!
If you want your marriage to stay intact you won't. If he has ask you to allow this then he has been thinking about it for awhile now. All this will do is open a deep desire that he can do it again if he wants. I think that if your Husband knows of your passed 3 -somes with other couples then he thinks that since you did it even if it was before you married that you have no problem with it and it will be alright in your mind if he does. There would be no way your marriage would ever be the same after allowing something like this.I see that your husband said that he swears that there's nothing to worry about and that you are the love of his life,and that he wanted to be sure before he got married that it would be with a woman he could stand for the rest of his life----Well then,if you are the love of his life and a woman that he thinks he an stand for the rest of his life why does he need to have sex with another woman then? By reading your question it makes me think that he has been trying to convince you for a long time now and that you have finally gave in because you feel in the back of your mind that you just might lose him. Do you have that gut feeling about this,if so,your gut is telling you right. Our bodies use the gut also as a pre instinct thing,we get that funny scarey feeling when we think something is wrong,that is our bodies safety trigger telling us there is danger. I wonder how he would feel if you had two men in the sack with you? All I can do is offer advice,it looks as if you have already made up yur mind as you say you believe him when he tells you this. He may be telling you the truth,but emotions do come into play with sex I don't care what anyone says. It could become like a drug that can't be stop once he has had the pleasure of doing it. Good Luck
2006-12-13 17:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask yourself simple questions...do you cringe at the thought of your man w/ another woman? If you decided to have a 3-some, you have to totally 100% secure in your relationship, otherwise it will have a HUGE effect on your marriage.
Also, if you do please set boundaries...ie: no kissing on the mouth w/ the other woman, a code word or "thing" you do when it is time to back off for the other person...you need to have it down so you both dont end up feeling uncomfortable...
If you question it, don't do it. Take him to a strip club and both of you get lap dances in lieu of the 3-some...marriage is hard work like you said and you don't want one thing to ruin the trust that has been built so far...
2006-12-13 12:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by M R 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's not a matter of it being right or wrong. It's how you both feel about it. I've been married 8 years. Before I met my husband I had experimented quite a bit with women and enjoyed it. When he and I were just engaged is when I told him about my experimentation and, of course, he wanted to do it since he never had (so he says). Well, he was looking online at all this stuff and it made me sick to my stomach the look he had on his face, the excitement and all, so I told him that I couldn't do it because I did not want to see him with another woman. Well, we get married and 6 years go by. He brought it up again, and I said ok just to shut him up. We did it and it was fun but I felt some resentment towards my Husband. It's not like he forced me, but I resented the fact that he wouldn't shut up about it, so I caved. I know, sounds pathetic on my part. Anyway, we ended up doing it two more times with the same girl. Again, both of those times were fun too. But......now we're into 8 years of marriage and have learned that my husband is out for nobody but himself, sexually....I don't think he has the respect for me to "want to have a 3-some with his wife". I don't think it really mattered to him as long as he was with two woman. My husband has had one sexual affair (that I know of), before the 3-some, and at least 3 emotional affairs (that I know of) since. I have learned, from him, that he is "unable to make the conscious decision during the flirtation stage to remove himself from things possibly going further." So with that bit of information from him, I do not want to have another 3-some. I don't know what's going to happen here. 3-somes are fun, but you have to be with the right partner. You will know it in your heart. That's what I've learned from this whole thing. I should've followed my heart way back when.
2006-12-13 11:59:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
look I know you think everything is all good in you marriage but somewhere somehow there is a problem. for him to ask this of you seriously is just wrong. I'll tell you what, ask him if you could have the same thing (two guys ) and then check his response. If he say cool, hey no harm no foul. either way I think you marriage will be over soon. but have fun. peace
2006-12-13 11:44:47 · answer #4 · answered by jazz101 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't do it. Although it's every man's fantasy, I couldn't do it. I love my woman one on one. If your asking, that means you have some reservation about going through with it. Just picture your husband nailing the hell out of another woman or coming all over her or in her mouth and tell me that wouldn't bother you. I know you'll be involved in it too, but at some point, he's going to be doin' her and you'll be 100% comfortable with that? Leave the fantasy just what it is.
2006-12-13 11:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I’ve never done it, but I’ve known a few people who have and it had a BIG effect on their relationship, even though they *thought* they could handle it. It was never a problem caused by the other people continuing contact, it was due to the jealousy issues that arose.
2006-12-13 11:37:19 · answer #6 · answered by kp 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
ya know what go for it..its hjust fun and games...just sit down and set up the rules...who can do what..with whom..whatever...also you should set up a phrase to say when (if) either person wants to end it right there..something that wont offend the 3rd person or nothing...also I'd suggest that you do it with someone niether of you know..maybe goto the bunny ranch in nevada (if you can afford it) to find that person... be safe and have fun...
2006-12-13 11:51:43 · answer #7 · answered by NONAME 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Birthday 3 Some
2017-03-01 13:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way would i have anything to do with a situation like that, it will break up your marriage for sure, why would he even ask for that,is he not happy with just you? better ask yourself that question.
2006-12-13 12:15:51 · answer #9 · answered by inluvwithb 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You gotta be kidding, on this one. With AIDS and the rest of it, you would do such a thing???? In Vegas, for christ's sake???? Oh god!!!!!oh well
2006-12-13 12:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋