my bf still believes that they(my bf, X, daughter and her X's son from another man when she cheated on him) should have family activities like watching movies, children shows, going out to eat, going to the mall and I really hate it... i feel very angry, insecure and left out. he said he's gonna stand his ground and not stop these activities because its for his daughter. he lives in the US... the ex still lives in Asia but he comes to visit them and his parents once a year for a month. can you help me on how girls dealt with it? they've been separated(yes, not yet divorced because they still have to transfer the daughter's name to my bf)for three years but when my X visited them the last time a year ago... she begged for him to take her back and he did for the sake of the child... but only lasted a week, after my bf went back to the states, she went back to her bf. the X is such a stray. i still feel jealous, uncomfortable and angry about him going over to their house almost everyday
2006-12-13 11:27:55 · 22 answers · asked by ileana i 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he comes home to me every night after spending a few hours there. he said he doesnt have a choice and could not avoid her. i'm really confused. i hope you can help me. they've been separated for 6 months when we started going out. we've been together for 10 mos now. the ex knows about me and i've seen her bf and their kid as well.
2006-12-13 11:29:51 · update #1
They were already separated when we started dating so i knew from the start what i was going into. but we were both in the US at the time so the ex and the kids aren't in the picture until we both came home to asia for a month. then i experienced the heartaches and how hard the situation is. i just keep thinking this is only one month every year. we're also in a long-distance relationship. we were together though for the past three months. they're fixing the transfer of the name of the daughter and i overheard him telling his dad(lawyer) to deal with the divorce process after the transfer of name. the ex is in a long-term relationship and they also have a kid as a result from her cheating on my bf three years ago. any more advice?
2006-12-13 11:55:08 · update #2
You're crazy! This guy obviously has way too much baggage! Stop living the fantasy and find someone who deserves you and will give you all of their attention! I'm sure you're a lovely person..end it while you're hear is still in one peice. You're torturing yourself...but maybe you like the torture. Get your head together woman!!
2006-12-13 11:31:20 · answer #1 · answered by v a 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The situation is quite clear. You knew about him and his separation and his family when you begain your involvement with him. I am not saying he's right and you're wrong. He definitely brings a lot of baggage with him. But if you already knew what you were getting into, why does it make you angry now?
One way is for you to discuss a timeline with him. He can't go on like this forever. At some point he should be willing to move on, if he's genuinely interested in you. Else, if he isn't, you have the choice of either living like this or let him go.
Good luck.
2006-12-13 11:41:29 · answer #2 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/sJqAp
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-29 11:40:36 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a lot of baggage. First, you shouldn't get involved with him because he is still legally married. Wait until he is divorced and has gotten evrything straighten out in terms of him seeing the kids. Otherwise, you will be the one left rusty and dusty on the shelf especially since he go over everyday. Move on and find someone with less or no baggage. Otherwise, you will be setting yourself up for future headaches and problems.
2006-12-13 11:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by Shay 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh you pooor thing....im soo sorry to hear that because i didnt think aneone knew how i felt when i was going thru the same. not exactly the same situation but i know how u feel as far as the lingering ex and children goes.... to tell you the truth, the situation will never end. They may get divorce and he may slow down the visits with the ex and kids but it wont end. You either decide to deal with it or get out of the relationship. Its hard but if you cant beat em, join em...
2006-12-13 11:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there will always be an ex, and kids, so get use to it, never get involved with a man who is married, as there is always a chance he will go back to his ex, he will always put the kids before u, and theres always the chance he will go back to her. can't believe everything he tells u about his wife, some of it may just not be true. u made the choice to get involved with a married man, and u have to deal with it, so go ind someone who hasn't got children, and an ex, children can cause alot of problems with the new wife, or new relationship. they too are jealous, and want to see their mom and dad back together. good luck
2006-12-13 12:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would ask if maybe she could bring his daughter by instead of him always having to go over there.. he also has a life to lead and catering to his X's every call is sick! i wouldn't stand for it either.. and maybe they could realize that once this divorce is final, he will be getting her only every weekend or possibly every other weekend.. so i would just let him know that just because she says he has to doesn't mean he really does.. she doesn't own him and she shouldn't be using their daughter for an excuse to see him.. that also is just a little creepy! and if he wants to see his daughter or she calls him to come visit her, then make him do it outside of his X's house.. and go with and make yourself be known and that your not going anywhere.. i so hope for the best for you, you seem to deal with alot of b-s and not many women would do that, they'd just leave and find a man that doesn't have all that drama..so best wishes and i hope all gets better for you! =)
2006-12-13 11:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by ~broken~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl - i don't say you should walk away - i say RUN. obvioulsy this guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. i just walked away from a relationship where my bf and his wife were divorced but he spent all the holidays with her - i realize i was a real fool and it's taken me time to heal form all that crap. i say you will never be happy with this guy no matter what. htere are so many people out there that can make you happy without all the b.s.
go out and find someone that can give you not only what you need but what you want
2006-12-13 16:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by yes-itsallaboutme 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-27 19:14:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave him there is no point in trying to separate him from his estranged wife because the daughter will always be used as an excuse to hold on to him and if you try to make him see that you will look like the bad person so sorry sweetie just walk away and don't play her game she will win he has to realize it on her own!
2006-12-13 11:43:16 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋