Hubby has five herniated disks. I work 55+ hrs at full time job, and 25+ at part time to make ends meet. He does work 40 hrs. I pay all the bills, do all the kids school stuff, dr. and dental, shop, and deal with HIS ex-wife. Am I wrong for being angry w/him complaining that I don't clean enough? How could I better communicate and motivate?
2006-12-13 10:23:56 · 15 answers · asked by Jen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have my own health issues also. We pay out extremely high medical expenses and child support.
2006-12-13 10:32:12 · update #1
We all can be unreasonable sometimes. I'm not justifying his complaining. All I'm saying is we all have frustrations and tensions in life where our sense of reasoning just goes to sleep.
It is definitely unreasonable for him to expect you to do anything when you have to work 80+ hours a week. And for all the additional things you do around the home, I'd say you are an "incredible woman".
Just having an honest heart-to-heart talk about how much each is doing ~ not just what you do versus what he does ~ will help. Try not to make the conversation personal. Empathize with him and ask him to empathize with you as well.
Maybe you can even make a subtle suggestion that he could take on some things that won't hurt his back around the house, which will allow you to pick on some other things that he'd like you to do better.
It's hard to be you. I hope he'll understand and appreciate what you do for the family and him.
2006-12-13 10:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I wouldnt mind at all... Me for example as a 14 yr old with a 1 year realtionship so far we manaaged to prioritise a lot. If we go over to each others houses we help do dishes and clean up a bit so in the end we know we are making each other happy. You have a Good reason to be angry. What i learned in school is that everyone should be treated the same especially women. All because you are the female sex doesnt meen you guys have to be the ones who do all the cleaning. If you honestly love each other.. or let me rephrase.. If HE loves you as much as u think he is he should be able to see that your doing your best to make your family happy and that at the end of the day he shoul see why u have a reason to be tired. so by seeing this he'll insist on helping around with whatever it is you ask of him.
2006-12-13 10:31:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ryan Bates 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Hubby has five herniated disks"
you kinda answered your own 1st question
but then again you do work 80 hrs per week
your 2nd question yes you have the right to be upset
3rd question let him know he's gonna have a hott time in the sack if him and the kids clean the house at least once a week
2006-12-13 10:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by seven_ms_man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to him what the deal is. That you can not do everything. I would be a little angry too, for the complaining. But just politly remind him that you work hard too and take care of the kids and you are doing the best that you can. Thats all you can do.
2006-12-13 10:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by Mz.H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God. Nobody should have to work that many hours just to make ends meet. That's way too many hours for both you and your husband to work. And yes, he's way out of line for bitchin' about the cleaning. You say you have school age kids? Get them to help out around the house, too. With as many hours as you work, nobody in their right mind should ever complain about anything not getting done around the house.
2006-12-13 10:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you're right to be annoyed, but bottom line is it sounds like neither of you is able to do it...look into hiring someone to come in at least once every other week so things don't get too out of hand...and if the kids are old enough, give them chores to do...they live there, they can help keep the house tidy...
2006-12-13 10:27:22 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 herniated disks and I DO do all the housework, plus work full time
2006-12-13 10:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to adjust the expectations based on your circumstance some. Lay it out for him.
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-pOypG0szd7Pv_X1rQxw_4qCWpA--?cq=1&p=430
2006-12-13 10:28:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get people to clean your house for you
also you and he are working WAY too many hours, find ways to spend less
2006-12-13 10:27:13 · answer #9 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a housekeeper....even once a week would make a big difference and not cost very much.
2006-12-13 11:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋