Here's my story and question in a nutshell. My husband I were trying to conceive and found out in May of this year we were pregnant. Sadly the pregnancy ended in miscarriage in July. What really made it hard was I saw the heartbeat at 7wks. Since my hubby wasn't able to go then, he went along with me at 10wks. He was so excited he was going to see the heartbeat too. Instead we found out the baby had died at 8 wks. We were heartbroken. We are again pregnant, going on week 13 , since I had a miscarriage my Dr. wants me in for a ultrasound every 3wks, and everytime I go, I have not been able to get my husband to go along with me. I again heard the heartbeat alone. I've tried talking to him but he blows me off saying he'll go to the next one, but he acts like he doesn't even care about this baby. I don't know if he's just scared or what. Any ideas on how to get him more involved with this pregnancy? Even the ultrasound pics I bring home aren't working. I feel so alone in this.
2006-12-13 09:51:52 · 7 answers · asked by kell01 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
He is probably just scared. I know when you are going through something as scary as a pregnancy after a miscarriage, you need the support of your husband, but that is probably his way of not getting too attached in case something goes wrong again. I had a lot of problems in my 2nd pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage/stillbirth at 24 weeks. My husband seemed real detatched while I was going to all my doctor appointments, and even when I was in the hospital on bedrest for a week. When I realized that I would be giving birth to the baby and ultimately, losing him, my husband was right there with me. He told me later that he was scared and felt like if he didn't know too much, everything would be o.k. Men just deal with things like this differently than we do. Eventually, he will come around. I hope for your sake, that it is sooner rather than later. Good luck, and I hope everything goes well and you deliver a healthy baby. :)
2006-12-13 10:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by jenjadmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very scared. My sister's son died when he was 4 days old and her husband was very out of touch with her second pregnancy. I know how you feel but I think right now its best not to push him. Talk to your doctor about this and maybe once you past a certain point where miscarriage because less of a risk, you can tell you husband that your doc would like you both to come in for an appointment and the doctor can talk to him about the chances of having another miscarriage. I think he'll come around as you get father along just keep encouraging him to be involved but don't go overboard to were you push him away. Guys handle things differently then we do... avoiding is the way they tend to handle scary situations. Take Care and Congrats!!
2006-12-13 10:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others. He's probably trying to protect himself by not getting attached just yet... Don't worry and don't push him. I know that you need support right now though, so do what I do... Get on babyfit.com. There are a TON of people going what you're going through, (miscarriages, etc) and you'll find more support than you need on that site. This site is great for general concerns, but I find that one more directed exclusively towards pregnancy is most helpful. He'll come around!
PS - There are many other sites as well, but I like this since there aren't pop-up sales tactics and it's very informative.
2006-12-13 10:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Mama of 2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is just scared to get attached just for something bad to happen again. Men don't deal with sad things as well as females. With time I'm sure he will realize that this pregnancy isn't going to be the same. I would force it on him, just slowly let him get comfortable with feelings for the baby. Pushing him may just scare him. Once he can feel the baby inside you kicking, I'm sure he'll be involved the rest of the pregnancy. Best of luck!
2006-12-13 10:00:18 · answer #4 · answered by ashleighharder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he's scared. He's afraid of becoming attached too soon, where there is still a high risk of something going wrong. Don't push it on him to change his mind about it, he'll be there. He is just having more of a tough time with it than you did.
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2006-12-13 09:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by twowords 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He propably doesn't want to get excited yet... or to encourage you to get too excited. As more time goes on and the baby becomes bigger, he'll probably come around. Good Luck!
2006-12-13 09:56:54 · answer #6 · answered by naenae0011 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's how guys deal. Try talking to him about what happened and how it made him feel. Tough to get it out of him, I know, but it could help.
2006-12-13 10:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋