I dont know what to do to handle this??????

Question

I am 24 years old and married my husband who is 38 years old.When we met i was interning for a job in PR.Now i am just a house wife of 4 years with little or nothing to do most of the time because there is a maid who will clean and cook if asked. My husband takes good care of me giving me whater ever i want i drive a nice car BMW and nothing is really off limits on what i can buy if i want it.I feel like i am in a cage i have tried to voice my feelings to my husband but it falls on death ears he thinks that i am being dramatic or childish. I told him i was lonley and he bought me a dog.I try my best to please him i am 5 ft 7 and 115 pounds so i keep fit ,always make sure to be dressed nice, and i make an effort to well made up for him at all times.I try to be romantic some evenings, talk to him,take care of him, arrange to go out, but nothing works.We have sex 3 to 4 days out of the week usually 3 rounds but he still has cheated on me.I feel so hurt by this .

He has had three affairs that i know of he just keeps saying i am sorry it wont happen again but he does and makes me feel more awful.I dont understand why he is cheating on me?I try to be a good wife?

I have tried everything but he still strays!

Answer 1

I agree with Throbing Heart. If you want to stay married, go out, see if you can't get together with some of your old girlfriends. Or there are other options than staying in an unhappy marriage. You are young, enjoy your life. Live for yourself! And don't let anyone like a cheat b**st**d tell you that you aren't worth anything. You are more valuable than he will ever realize. I hope you can realize that, though.

Answer 2

I wouldn't know how to handle this either, hon. Marriage is a whole lot more than a maid and a BMW.... like respect, admiration, passion and trust, along with lovies, nice times away together, sharing ideas, solving problems without rage, and for sure, exclusive sexuality. You don't trust him, so for sure the other stuff has eroded, you just haven't noticed. Betrayal is the deal buster in a marriage, so my next question is why are you still there??? Are material things worth that much to you??? You are indeed living in a cage, and your decision to stay means that you feel getting out of this at a chance to find a guy committed to you and your relationship isn't worth the trade off. And, hon, only you can decide if you would prefer to be alone in a marriage, or be alone for awhile while you find a more suitable partner.

Answer 3

Well if you want a job then you should get one, you're a grown woman and you can make your own choices you don't need anyone else telling you otherwise, if you'd like to do something other than that then try getting a hobby or volunteer, anything that will keep you busy. If your husband is disrespecting you, which it seems like he is because he won't let you make your own decisions and when you try he just calls you a child, if he's cheating on you than you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel, if it gets worse then maybe you should get out of the relationship. Good luck!

Answer 4

Remember that what your husband does is all about him and his problems, and not about you. Obviously your husband is a serial cheater. People who have several affairs have problems that usually have nothing to do with the marriage, but that doesn't make it any easier for you as the spouse. In my opinion, unless he gets professional help for his perpetual cheating, he will continue to do this. With that knowledge, if he won't get help, are you willing to accept that your husband "needs" the rush provided by cheating and it will always be there in your relationship? If so, be sure to get yourself tested regularly for any STDs! It's not a "normal" relationship, but people do have open marriages, and if you can deal with it, that might work, however, if monogamy is a value to you, then this is probably not the man that will make your dreams come true. Will he not let you get a job? Why not volunteer somewhere for a charity? Are children in the future? If so, think about what his actions will teach his kids (and yes, they will pick up on it in one way or another). Materials things are not the things that bring happiness in the world, so the fact you have all the material possessions money can buy means nothing when relating to your happiness. Do you have the strength to leave? Do you have a plan for if you leave? You have lots to think about!

Answer 5

Hun he just doesnt respect you. When I began reading your question, I thought WOW, what could this spoiled woman have to complain about? Driving a BMW, having anything she wants... but by thetime I finished, I felt for you. I've been cheated on (by my husband) and it hurts so bad! I know how you must feel. I am a stay at home mom too and it just gets so lonely! I realize you love your husband, obviously or you wouldnt have put up with all this bolgna. But you nee dto love YOURSELF. You are NOT being childish by wnating a man to ONLY be with you. You deserve that, 5'7, 115 lbs (sounds good to me!) or not. I suggest you get your butt in college. Study something, make some friends. Even its only a class a week, so what, you will get some time to yourself to be your own woman and who knows, mayeb that lucky husband of yours will start showing you the respect you deserve. I'm not gonna tellyou to leav ehim because obviously you arent gonna do that. But I do suggest you take some time for yourself doing something other than shopping. Good luck sweetheart!

Answer 6

Why would you degrade yourself like this? I don't know what he does for a living but to me he is just trying to keep this front. You know, the "perfect" marriage, beautiful wife, and nice home. People, co-workers, and friends see this and think "how lucky is he?" and they tell him that he is lucky. It is just an ego boost for him. You are also feeding the fire by standing by his side. He knows that you will believe him when he says that he doesn't mean to do it and that he is sorry. You are a housewife that needs to do something....that is take care of yourself. Start a bank account that he can't touch maybe under your mother's name or someone else's that you may trust. Build yourself a nest egg. Do research on everything....keep tabs/records of all the cheating and lying. You are going to feel hurt by this but by the sounds of your letter you were out to be a pretty independent strong woman with a career of her own. You need to get back to that. Make some of your own decisions. It sounds scary but I bet if you ask friends and family they will always be by your side.

Answer 7

you are under the assumption that your actions or lack there of are responsible for his behavior, You are a good wife He is a bad husband and quite honestly some wealthy men cheat because they think it is their god given right they work hard and they get to have mistresses. He won't stop.So you need to decide if this is going to be OK with you can you share him? you are young and if no one has told you you do deserve happiness and a man that will hold you and only you in his heart. I have known many women that have traded happiness with their husbands for money and some end up cheating as well because they get nothing in the prenump if they leave their cheating husbands. Please when having sex with your husband make sure he wares a condom you do not want mistress spread sexual diseases, good luck

Answer 8

Time to get out while you still have some self dignity left. This guy is a wolf in sheeps clothing. He wants his cake and eat it too. Hes a compulsive liar and hopeless cheater and doesnt have the ability to remain faithful to you no matter what you do. Divorce him and sue him for everything you legally are entitled to. Youre young enough to rebound quickly from this mis adventure and move on and find someone who will treat you like a princess and worshipthe ground you walk on. You can do much better then staying with a child who refuses to act his age. Good luck

Answer 9

Hi Cally
I really read your story at least twice, and I think that all you need at the moment is yourself~Yes you need time for just you~Sometimes in life we think our happiness is next to somebody or something but our happiness has to start by loving ourself first but if we only focus on somebody else to make us happy, that will never work. What I really suggest for you to do is meditate and look at yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself ~ what does Cally want from life? Is there a future in what I am doing now or should I change something? Answer yourself and take it from there, I know that besides being beautiful you are a very intelligent human being~So go and make your changes and don't forget how beutiful life really is. Take Care Sweetie~

Answer 10

you don't have a marriage or a husband, you have a sugar daddy, and you are in the best possible postion to get set for life. He wa a fool to marry you, a fool because now you have the power to get him good in the wallet. get yourself a real good attorney, You'll end up with the car, house alimony and a collage education, He'll be forced to support you until you either re-marry or can supporty yourself in the style to which you have become accustomed. Don't be a doormat any longer. Get out and live!