I guess I really struck a nerve with some of you. To answer some of your questions:
We have been together for 24 years.
We are in our mid 40's.
We have been swinging for 16 years.
We always have safe sex with others.
I understand it is a moral issue for some, however, it is something we share and do not find immoral in any respect. In fact we have a better relationship than anyone we have ever met. We are best friends, lovers and very family oriented.
We do find it morally objectionable to cheat on your mate. I do not worry about my spouse cheating on me nor does he worry about me. We are very secure in our relationship.
I understand that there are different strokes for different folks and respect all opinions.
I find it reprehensible that anyone would be judgmental in their response and just equate that to a small person.
Happy Holidays!!
2006-12-13 09:18:24 · 15 answers · asked by Alexandra 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cheree, I've tried my hand at debating die-hard hard-core pro-monogamists on Oprah's message board and what I find most disheartening is the unbelievable hostility - even hatred! - toward people who are very simply disagreeing with what they believe. Swinging (if it's done correctly and for the right reasons) harms NO ONE. While there's no doubt that SOME incidents of sexual assault, date rape, child molestation, etc have probably ocurred, I'd have to say that they should've been easily avoided. That child should NOT have been on the premises if her parents decided to play with a stranger! That's just common sense. And sex tends to unlock a part of ourselves that we keep politely hidden from the public. Just because some people are unable to control this aspect of themselves and behave with decency towards others in a sexual context, it doesn't mean that ALL swingers are inherently bad. It just means some people are clueless about sexual socialization.
Mind if I respond to some of the other answers?
"you stand for everything marriage isn't suppose to be." - Westfield.
...in your humble opinion of course. You have no idea about the inner workings of another couple's marriage and no idea what they consider a successful, healthy marriage to be. Perhaps in their opinion, your marriage might not measure up? So who is right? And how do you prove it? All we know is our own relationships, and while I may have an opinion about the state of another couple's relationship, I must admit that I couldn't possibly have all the facts. So if they can assure me that their marriage is exactly the way they like it, and they're both healthy and happy...who am I to tell them otherwise?
"I was right, middle aged! LOL!" - Valerie
Actually, I thought 40 was the new 30, but I guess...to someone to whom 30 is "old", perhaps you're right. What-the-hell-ever.
"WOW, TALK ABOUT GETTING IT ALL OF YOUR CHEST. BY THE WAY YOU ARE EXPLAINING, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM W/ YOUR LIFE STYLE IN SOME WAY! " - teriwilburn
NO NEED TO SHOUT (it's not polite). I never understood this sentiment, though I've heard it so often. If we trash-talked monogamy the way non-monogamy is, you don't suppose you might bristle a little? Take a stand for what you feel is right? We're coming at it from a different viewpoint, but it's precisely what we're doing, too. We truly feel that what we are doing IS RIGHT FOR US. It does not harm nor debase us. It harms no one else. And don't even get me started about religious issues! Whole other can of worms there.
"we had thought about it but them e both reqlized we could not bear to see each other people with other so it is back to just us and we are very happy ( he is 59 i am 37) " - I_iwoman
See? Now this is fantastic! I gave this answer a thumbs-up because they were open-minded enough to consider their options, giving it an honest shot, and made an INFORMED decision about what was right FOR THEM.
Cheree, kudos to you. Even though people don't listen, you can't go wrong standing up for what you believe to be right and true. Please feel free to add me to your 360 if you have one. It's nice to know I'm not the only commonsense-idealist out there. :)
2006-12-13 14:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by intuition897 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well if you are doing this for 16 years then you for sure know people are judgemental that should not come to you as a surprise, the people online are the same people you see in the Malls and grocery store. If that's what works to keep your marriage together, then why be bothered by others opinion, if you were here to find acceptance, wrong place for that. If you asked a question in an open forum then something must have been bothering you or just curiosity, it does kill the cat...lol. Human beings are social animals, meaning we have been thought to surpress our animal instincts and practise Monogamy. Works for some, does not work for others. As humans we are the first to judge others, thats what makes our lives seem better.
I second Throbbing Heart...
Happy Swinging :O)
2006-12-13 09:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont care what you do or dont do,and i will not say you are wrong or right.If you are happy then happy swinging.But i must say if you didnt feel somthing wrong with it or had a wounder about it you would never have posted it to see what others thought.Also by posting on this sight you should be opend minded about what others have to say.You asked and you got what you asked for.I think maybe somthing must have hit home for you to do a follow up or you wouldnt be fighting to prove a point.Also everyone in this world has some degree in being judgmental about somthing diffrent .Going on yahoo and telling your life is ok to do but just be aware that you will get alot of diffrent things said.You dont have to let it bother you just read the next one.If you only want to read what you want to read then maybe you should go to a sight where there are other swingers like you and you will have plenty of patting on the back.Good luck
2006-12-13 09:34:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think people have to right to do whatever they desire, as long as it is legal and does not hurt others. However, I feel people need to limit these encounters to situations where children will not be hurt by what was going on. A few years ago I knew of a girl who had a family that engaged in this lifestyle. Everyone knew what they did in the neighborhood, but none of the neighbors cared because it was their business and we all tried to mind out own business. However, one night this couple invited over a man who attacked their child. They usually had their encounters down stairs and the guy said he had to go home half way through. Little did they know, but he went upstairs to attack their daughter. She was very traumatized by this and it just makes me truly believe people should only have these encounters away from children. If people are going to do these things they should hire a babysitter and go to a location where there is no one under 18 that can be hurt. I just do not want any kids to be hurt because one of the guest is not a trustworthy as everyone thought.
2006-12-13 09:27:39 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you find it reprehensible... but personally I don't care. If you didn't want us to judge you shouldn't have put it out there for us. I think that while it works for you...you stand for everything marriage isn't suppose to be. You hedonistic views only perpetuate lack of respect for marriage and each other.
2006-12-13 09:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Close minded people are the first to judge.
I wish you well and though it is not PC a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
2006-12-13 09:27:58 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I have talked about this and have considered it but do not know how to find other people ... I would really appreciate it if you would email me so I can ask you some questions about how you started doing this.
2006-12-13 09:28:07 · answer #7 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally sounds interesting
2006-12-13 09:22:22 · answer #8 · answered by into_thematrix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same as before for me.
I want to. Wife likes to fantasize but keeps saying "maybe" on actually doing it.
I won't force it. If she says no I'll just confine it to my head forever, somehow.
2006-12-13 09:21:57 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
we had thought about it but them e both reqlized we could not bear to see each other people with other so it is back to just us and we are very happy ( he is 59 i am 37)
2006-12-13 09:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by l_iwoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋