Feb. 2005 I had my first date with my husband. I became preganant and we decided to get married after only a few months of knowning each other.. dumb I know now.. but we did have a few gentle shoves in the marraige direction. He was irrisponsible before and he still is.(but very good at telling me what I need to hear) We have seperated because he can't seem to pay any of the bills to keep the heat or electricity on but still has money to sink into his precious mud truck.. I am working and do put all of my money into the bills but he makes three times as much as me and I can't keep up. I redebate my decision to leave constantly. Does anyone have a similar storey? How did it turn out for you? Or just any advise would be appreciated. (be gentle)
2006-12-13 09:17:00 · 13 answers · asked by Tracy G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think I mentioned that the baby is already here .. he was born Jan. 2006
2006-12-14 07:16:57 · update #1
Hi, I ignored the smae kinds of signs you mention and over time it has gotten worse. Wev'e been married 13 yrs and I am leaving as soon as the house is sold as I've come to realize I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I'm glad we don't have kids to deal with as well. Once his high paying job went over seas i was blamed for all the money troubles while in his depression, he has refused to be the man in the relationship and find suitable work that suppots us. I had to put the house up for sale or risk losing to the bank. Even tho I work, I can't command the $$ needed to keep it plus there is nothing left to sell to supplment the income. I'd rather be alone than be his mommy anymore. Good Luck
2006-12-13 09:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by flutteredonby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be what most will tell you to avoid being. Be responsbile. He may be irresponsible, yet you were there with him and were half guilty of the sex. So now you find yourself in a mess. You want it all better.
Yes, most will simply tell you that you messed up or to get out or that you have learned. WRONG. Those that give advice such as this are nothing but irresponsible turds themselves.
Look, you both messed up. And you both made the decision and now you both have to pay the bill so to speak. Why does everyone think they get a do over anyway. Hey, when you make bad choices or bad decisions, you often get a hard life. That is how it is. You should know that. Why should you get to say, oh sorry, now can I try again? NO, you cant, at least you are not suppose to do so anyway.
Look, maybe he will wise up, maybe he wont. He will only do so when he believes it is in his best interests and serves him well to do so. One could also question if you are any more responsible in some ways then he.
Do what you promised God and one another. If you think that you dont have to do so, simply remember that it is just as acceptable for others to disregard what is right, even when it hurts you by doing so. Sounds like this is just what you are going through now and dont like it.
2006-12-13 18:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can probably work this out. He needs some financial counseling. Let the lights get shut off (if you don't have kids) light candles and when he ask what the hell is going on, tell him you didn't get his share for the light bill. Sometimes people need reality checks. If you keep paying things for him, he will continue to let you. You may have to suffer a little through the process but he will eventually get the point. If you have family nearby tell them what you plan to do let all the utilities get shut off and leave him to deal with it. Go stay with relatives until he can get his act together. Divorce here may be jumping the gun a bit, he just needs to get his priorities straight. Living before, luxury.
2006-12-13 17:24:30 · answer #3 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IMO, you're right to correct your mistake as early as you did. Sure, you f***ed up big time by getting pregnant - but piling up more mistakes on top of the original one isn't going to solve anything in the long run. Financial irresponsibility is one of the most dangerous things when it comes to family life. My ex seemed to have it "together" on the face of it, but after we separated I started finding out about all these bills he had not paid - we had car payments and credit card payments that had not been paid for several months, several accounts were in collection, and I STILL have "dirt" on my credit history because of all that. (I'm the most financially responsible person in the world - but I trusted him with the bills; which turned out to be a huge mistake.)
I am now married to a very stable and responsible person. He manages his money well, works hard, and has a lot to show for it. This is the way I much prefer things to be for me and my family.
2006-12-13 17:31:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely no reason here why you should pay for everything especially since he makes more than you do. It sounds like he has his priorities out of synch, with his truck coming before you, especially since you are with his child. Time for some tough love here, give him the ultimate choice;either he helps you with the household expenses and such or else you will leave him and sue him for divorce and everything youre legally entitled to, and if hes really lucky you just might let him keep his truck. Good luck
2006-12-13 17:25:37 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him and make him pay CHILD support. That way, his precious truck would be getting the short end of the stick for a change.
Good luck
PS/ People DON'T change, and things don't get better after a baby. Don't waste your time waiting for him to "see the light".
2006-12-13 17:26:48 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. Whose name are your bills in? If they are in both of your names call the creditor and tell them what is going on. Alot of the time they will work with you. Some will even take your name off of the bill. Don't let him ruin your credit. Once you take that first step out of the front door, the next step is easier, and the next,...It is scary but it is worth it. Keep in mind; you can't buy 'piece of mind'.
2006-12-13 17:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by Debra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats hard but getting married because you were pregnant is the wrong reason, and not knowing him long. but im sure you heard all of this before,, but al least you learned from your mistakes, the first thing I would do is file for divorce because it just seems to me your doing everything, and think of your child that is being born do you really want the baby in that situation, being a single mom is hard but you can do it, alot of us has, after you file go for child support. which the court orders him to pay, and if he doesn't he can go to jjail for it. but you have to start thinking of you and the baby. that who comes first. i hope everything works out for you good luck and congradulations on the one thats on its way. such a pride and joy.
2006-12-13 17:25:12 · answer #8 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think about it think about your child. Do you think he'll be a good father? is he going to be there if he says he will? If you answered no to any of these questions devorce because my parents were devorced i wish they would of done it sooner because my dad is the same thing of your husband sorry its a little harsh.
2006-12-13 17:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by read_laugh-love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A MUD truck?
Sounds like you are both young and irresponsible.
2006-12-13 17:20:27 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋