This is a little complicated...My husband has smoked since he was 8 years old. Marlboro reds. The week after we were married, my mom found out she had lung cancer and died a week later. At that moment, he swore he would never smoke again.
I have found 3 receipts for cigarettes in his work pants over the past couple months. He swears he doesn't smoke. One of his employers (it was just a one-day job) said that he saw my husband smoking. My husband said that it was just that one time because he was nervous. When I asked him about the receipts, he told me that he bought cigarettes for his coworker because he didn't have money.
His car smells like cigarette smoke. He says that is because he transports other workers who smoke cigarettes.
He admitted that he smoked a cigarette the day I gave birth to our daughter, but other than that, swears up and down that he doesn't smoke...ever.
How do I deal with this? I love him, but feel he doesn't care about his family.
2006-12-13 08:22:41 · 15 answers · asked by gg 7 in Health ➔ Men's Health
My husband is 30 now.
2006-12-13 08:23:55 · update #1
I lost the most important people in my life to smoking. I cannot stand to lose anyone else, especially my husband.
I am an adult child of an alcoholic, which probably explains my crazy reaction. I have told him that if I catch him lying about it , I will divorce him.
I suppose I will have to purchase a big life insurance policy so if he smokes himself to death, my kids won't starve.
He is the greatest guy in the world, that is why I want him to stick around a long time!
2006-12-13 08:41:25 · update #2
Sorry but I really need to yell at some of these posters. Please bear with me for a moment while I do this.
I am so tired of hearing this utter crapola about how addictive nicotine is and about all these horrible withdrawal symptoms that the potential quitter will have to experience . No wonder people have such a hard time quitting, they actually believe these lies and of course don't look forward to going through that experience. You heard me nicotine withdrawal is really no big deal and in fact it's a rather easy and only mildly uncomfortable experience. There is no retching, no fetal positions, no shakes ,nothing nada .
How do i know this ? Empirically
I was a 2+ pack a day smoker for 23 years. I used to smoke camel straights
10 years ago 12/19/96 I looked over at the woman who unfortunately is now my ex-wife and figured the greatest Christmas present I could give her was me living longer so we could enjoy more time together. I stopped smoking cold turkey and haven't had one since. The first week was annoying but I've recovered from operations and orthopedic injuries that had first weeks that were much worse .
I made a discovery; the hardest part about quitting smoking is not the nicotene-that's easy- but rather the habit itself. Think of all those things that you do that you have cigarette with;
long distance solo driving, a couple of drinks, a cup of coffee , possibly after sex ,who knows ?Now you have to change those habits . Plus there is the oral fixation component - which is why people get fat . Yes going without a cigarette for a week is annoying but it's by no means as difficult as people make it out to be.
good luck
2006-12-13 09:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
my husband has smoked for years and we have one son and another baby on the way. both babies were planned and we got pregnant after only 2 months of trying with each one. i know that smoking can cause lower sperm count but it hasnt been a problem for us. he just makes sure not to smoke around me when im pregnant..or around our son.
2016-03-13 06:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
um.....i am very young but, from experience i know it hard to live with someone like that but, if he loves you enough he will stop cause with without you he be nothing.....and you really have to take a stand cause my grandpa just died and it a hard thing to get over you have to stay strong for the both of you make him relies what he is missing out on all that money you use to by cigarettes you could go some were nice make a better Life you only live once in enjoy
while you have the time these are the times when he needs you the most remember when you got married though sickness and heath until death do u part
~~~~~PS: by some air fresheners lol
2006-12-13 08:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by LADY BALLER#33 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont be angry with him he just has a really bad habit. Try giving him info on stopping smoking because investing him and fussing and him wont help.. I know your worried so take a positive approach. Try to promote heathly eating, exercise etc it all ties in together. Good Luck
2006-12-13 08:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does care about his family, which is why he is hiding the truth from you about smoking. Starting at 8, it's nearly impossible that he can quit on his first (few) try/s. To keep honesty between the two of you, let him know he smokes and tell him you're alright with it, if it's kept outside the home, such as on the deck. He will keep trying, show him you can support him either way. It's harder than you think.
.
2006-12-13 08:29:08 · answer #5 · answered by twowords 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For some reason he feels he has to lie to you. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that you believe he is an undercover smoker. He's not going to quit until he's ready. At least he doesn't smoke around you and the rest of the family. You never want him to feel like he has to hide anything from you. Just tell him to never quit quitting.
2006-12-13 08:27:38 · answer #6 · answered by stella 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Smoking is physically addicting, it has nothing to do with how much he cares about his family. What can YOU do? Nothing. Nada. Zip. When you hooked up with him he was a smoker, he's a smoker now, he has a right to make his choices. Yes, and you have a right to make yours. But, a physical addiction at this point is not a choice. Do you really think he is CHOOSING to smoke and that he doesn't want to quit? I bet he doesn't like lying too. If you two have a partnership then the two of you need to get it together and develop an understanding here.
The bigger problem is the honesty -- and that's a two person problem and involves not just that he lies but WHY he lies. What I would do is work to get this out in the open where he can be honest with you, maybe just have rules on where and when ... a supportive relationship is more likely to help him to a healthier lifestyle.
My mom recently died from lung cancer so I know how that feels, but nagging him or trying to catch him in a lie -- none of that is going to make him quit, and none of this is going to help your marriage.
2006-12-13 08:34:19 · answer #7 · answered by laurie888 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
quitting smoking is harder than quitting heroin, but if you feel he is lying to you, you must draw the line. You can insist he get a blood test that shows whether or not there is nicotine in his system, that will pretty much put to bed whether or not he is smoking. Then you have to decide what to do about his lying, if he is indeed lying. The lying is a bigger issue than smoking would be. What else is he willing to lie to you about?
He may be telling the truth, in which case, you will need to do something about your own paranoia. Good luck.
2006-12-13 08:28:10 · answer #8 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
lol he is lying to you its very obvious. BUT its a white lie. Well there is nothing you can do. infact don't nag him that is annoying. simply tell him you know he's lying and everytime he lies to you he insults your intellagence. Just simply ask him to be honest with you. It seems the smoking is the least of your problems if he lies too you. I smoke it is very hard too stop. Tell him he needs too stop smoking and you will help him but the lying has to stop.
2006-12-13 08:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by Green Meds 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sensitive to smells so i can always tell when my fiance is sneaking cigarettes (He promised me that he would quit for my health and for his). So when I catch him smoking, I refuse to kiss him for the rest of the day. It shows that I am very disappointed in him, but I also don't yell at him or nag him or argue with him about it. I simply let him wallow in his own guilt over it.
2006-12-13 08:35:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but it is his choice. You have made your position plain; and if he smokes in the house, putting you in danger, then you should take action. Otherwise, leave him alone. Part of loving someone is allowing them to make their own choices - even bad ones. You've done everything you can, and rather than damage your relationship by hounding him about this, you must learn to accept he is an addict and will not change.
2006-12-13 15:13:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋