My cousion is planning on getting married in June but my mother and myself have just found out that the guy she is planning on marrying has really bad mental background such as bi-polar, schizophrenia and he has tried to kill himself on more than one occasion. He also has a criminal background that includes domestic violence. She has not known him a long time at all but she is so in love with him. Should we tell her or stay out of it? She is 35 yrs old. with one child.
2006-12-13 07:41:08 · 25 answers · asked by its just me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If i was me in question i would like to know but also, it could take away both their chances to be happy.
It's very hard to judge indeed because people make mistakes, some over and over again, and others learn and get better. So i guess it depends on what kind of girl your cousin is. Would she be the type to be a victim or would she stand up and not let him do this if he ever tried? If she's a very strong woman and is able to take care of herself, maybe she'll be fine. And it's the same for him... it's bad enough to have gone through what he did, and maybe is finally happy for once, it wouldn't be fair to him to say that. So it's all about finding out if he changed or not. It's nice for you to look after her like that, i wish i had such reliable family. But for sure, if you say something it will change everything... she could decide to stay anywway but she will see him a whole different way. And if he ever found out people have been dicussing this, how would he feel? I know it's not real concrete help here but for sure you have to think carefully... Are you absolutly sure she doesn't even know about it and just never spoke of it? Is there a way you could kinda see if she knows by bringing up such subject without mentionning him?
Good luck on this...
2006-12-13 07:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. If you tell her, you may offend her. If you don't, she could be making a big mistake.
You cannot tell her what to do, nor you want to do that. She may already know and is willing to accept all that comes with it.
Try to think of other ways to let her know without you actually getting involved. For example, have a third party tell her. Like someone she doesn't really know or something. At least she will get the message, and you can feel better about supporting her decision either way she goes. Good Luck
2006-12-13 08:20:28 · answer #2 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should sit her down with as many family and friends as possible and try to talk her out of it.
If that fails do not pretend this is a good wedding and attend to be polite. I would not go to a wedding that I thought was in this situation even if I was the best man as I would not wish to show any support for this mistake.
I would also tell her that she needs professional help to figure out why she would put herself and her child in this dangerous situation, she is not acting like a fit mother here and if I cared for the child I would advise CPS. Child protective services.
The child is the innocent one here.
2006-12-13 08:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let her in on the info. If something would happen to her or her child could you forgive yourselves? Let her make her own decision after you show the proof. Let her know you are only concerned for her and the child. Tell her you don't like being busy bodies but this needs to be brought to her attention before she marries him.
2006-12-13 07:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by autumn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT????? Absolutely by ALL means...TELL HER. But first where"s the proof. She will want to see some. Also there is a child here!!!!! I know if I knew this about a man , he"d be out,
especially, he would not be around my child. Maybe he is in one of his schizophrenic personalities. Whoa, this is scary. Make tracks.!!!!!
2006-12-13 07:47:14 · answer #5 · answered by weezie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. I;d risk her anger than to sit back and watch someone make a mess of their life. After that the ball is in her court and you can have a clear conscience even if she does get annoyed.
2006-12-13 07:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by robert m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her!
She doesn't need a crazy man in her house when she has a child,
or if she doesn't have a child.
Love is blind, but you have to protect the people who can't see what is a danger to them.
If a blind person walking by your house doesn't see a step in front of them, you would help.
If a love is blind can't see that she will be hurt, you need to help!
2006-12-13 07:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her, or she risks of losing her child to the father, by placing her child in a dangerous enviroment.
The father finds out! Well she better think about it, before making this decision!
2006-12-13 07:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HER!!!!!! She may already know and be willing to deal with it. If so,That's their business. But if she doesn't know, it's not fair to her or her child to be put in a possibly dangerous situtation without knowing what she's signing up for. She may get pissed at you for tell her. But she's gotta take her "big girl pill". Knowledge is power.
2006-12-13 07:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by coco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you & your mother find this out? Is the information valid -- can you prove it? How do you know that your cousin isn't already aware of her fiance's issues? Do you believe it's worth risking your relationship with your cousin to tell her?
2006-12-13 07:43:31 · answer #10 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋