I love my husband.. It's been a bad year for us.. He was in an accident that left him feeling useless for several months, then I found out I was pregnant.. it was all a lot to deal with. I just gave birth to our second son a week ago.. and the day after I got home from the hospital I found out he was planning on leaving. I confronted him.. and it was true.. He said he would stay and "see how things go", but that is just not a commitment to me. He is short with me, and my oldest son, and doesn't help much with the baby. I couldn't deal with living in limbo so I packed up the boys and came to my parents house for a few days. He said he was confused and needed some time to think. I love my husband and I want to make this work.. but it's like his head hasn't been in the right place since he got hurt.
Am I supposed to wait and see what he wants? Or do I just assume it's over and start figuring out how I am going to live life without him and take care of these boys on my own?
2006-12-13 07:34:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him some time to deal with all that has happen to him. The accident left him feeling useless and probably less than a man. He probably feels like he can't take care of his family. Give him time before you give up on your marriage. The separation might do the both of you some good.
2006-12-13 07:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start preparing to be a single mother..Either way just so you are prepared and your not left hanging. How long have you been married? When a man is unable to take care of his family the way a man does, It can hurt his ego severely..Have you asked him,What he is confused about exactly? Is it because you are unhappy with me and the kids, or because you are unhappy with yourself? I would go out of my way to reassure him that you feel no different towards him and that you still see him as the same man you did before he was hurt..And tell him If we love eachother which i know i love you, we should be able to get through this rough time together!
But, also you need to let him know that you are confused also and you really do not deserve to be put on hold, so you will give him a certain amount of time to figure out what he needs to figure out..But you yourself need to figure how long is an acceptable amount of time, and then tell him that time limit..Because, although he is your husband, This is what? 3 other people involved here, this just isnt his life he is messing with here. And you need to remind him of that and that he is also just pushing you guys away when it does not need to be that way. This way you are being a supportive, loveing wife, but also firm and independant, and looking after your kids. Then if he says hey i want you guys to come back, you tell him about his being short w/ you and the kids, how that is only pushing you away, and then that just will make things worse, and tell him how that baby needs him, and only if he is going to change these things is when you can come back to him.
2006-12-13 08:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by laci 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing for you to do, as you are waiting to see what it is your husband wants, is to start taking care of the boys on your own, and continue with your life. Suggest to your husband, some counseling. If he refuses. Then, sit down and talk with him. Tell him that he needs to be 110% committed to the relationship, or there is no reason to be together. Make sure you tell him that once it is over, if that is what he wants that you will not take him back later. Because that's what it seems like he is going to do. You don't want one of those on and off again relationships.
2006-12-13 07:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think counseling would be great, if he'd go for it, not many men want to do that though. And if he doesn't want the counseling to work or it's forced, it's just not going to help. (my opinion) As hard as it may be, time may be what you both need. You should be where you and your children are comfortable. It is your home too. Maybe after the accident he does have some issues, he's gotta want to talk about it. I just know this because everyone tells me that about my husband. I'm not too confident in my advice, but I do hope the best works out for you.
2006-12-13 08:07:34 · answer #4 · answered by not2bright 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a skill, or are in askilled profession, then taking care of your Boys wont be difficult. However, if you have been protituting yourself to your husband (housewife), then the bump on the head may have been all that he needed to come to his senses. It is not ethical, Christian, or even preferred by a healthy minded man that a woman "takes care of the home." Read Proverbs, the last chapter. Your husband may have realized that life is too short to be your slave. Also, he may feel as though neither child is his, since you have so much free time on your hands. Did you even care how he actually feels, or do you just want him to go back to the way things were? The home is the storehouse, where both of you contribute. One person is cannot bear it all, neither are they supposed to. Why do you think that women out live men? You all overwork us to an early grave. All because you all have the tool necessary to enjoy sex. Stop using your husband, the both of you can raise the children to be as independent as both of you should be. Not one depending on the other as a helpless child. You did not have to tell me that you are aa housewife, it shows. A caring, supportive and independent minded wife would be able to solve this issue without running to their parents!
2006-12-13 08:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get counselling!! It sounds like your husband is depressed. If he is, it will alter all the decisions he makes in life. That issue needs to be dealt with first and foremost. If you two have love, this can be worked out. It is extremely hard to deal with a depressed person because they don't always think rationally and talking to them is much like talking in circles, so if there is any way you can get him to deal with that first, it will make your lives much easier. You've stood by him in his hour of need, now it is his turn to do the same for you. Be strong no matter which direction it goes- remember what he does is all about him and not about you. Lean on your family for support and take care of yourself throughout the process. Get up and make yourself beautiful everyday. Keep your mind busy. Visit lots of friends. Take care. *hugs*
2006-12-13 07:41:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to consider all your options.......but only in your head. Is he still under medical care? I would suggest that it be ensured that he did not acquire a head injury. Perhaps he needs to go with his folks and you come home with your boys. That may help him get his thinking straight.
I say this because my husband went thru the same kind of issues a few years back. I asked him to leave, and return when he had his thinking in order. It took him a week for him to decide that he didnt wish to throw our life away. I had to hastily UNpack his stuff (w/o his knowledge) I had mistakenly thought we were done, and I wasnt going to stand by and wither my life away.
I wish you the very best. It's definitely not fun or easy living in limbo!
2006-12-13 08:13:04 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(((hugs))) How about some marriage counselling. My guess is that your husband is not feeling like he measure up in the husband and father department and may be suffering from some depression. Please keep the lines of communication open for your boys sake. The most important parent in a childs life is the same sex parent and boys need their dads. Peace :-)
2006-12-13 07:40:42 · answer #8 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a tough situation. im sorry you have to go thru this after you gave birth. as if u dont have enough to worry about?? have your mom baby sit the boys and go talk to your husband alone. one on one.with no interuptions. it sounds like hes depressed. he may still be feeling useless and worthless. talk to him. remind him of all the tough situations you guys were in and remind him that you guys got passed all that. and tell him that this too will pass. but you guys need to be strong together.. tell him how much you love him and that you guys can and will get thru this together. but hes got to be cooperative. you cant be the one who does it ALL! i hope it works out for you. good luck from one wife and mother to another.
2006-12-13 07:58:18 · answer #9 · answered by jrs wife! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...tough spot to be in.....I would say that at best, it will take a long time to get back to some level of happiness and trust as a family and at worse, you will need to move on with your life and try to figure out how you will raise these boys on your own....The two of you should take a little cooling off period and then you will need to talk it out....try to determine what he is feeling and why he wanted to leave...then see what you can work out...perhaps you need some counseling....Good luck and hope it all works out for you
2006-12-13 07:40:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋