My fiance and I have been best friends for almost 14 years, and have been living together now for a year. We had plans of being married around new years, and now he has got cold feet and doesn't want to get married. He says he's afraid of getting another divorce, which both of us have been previously married. But how can i help him, get passed those fears? We have an 11 year old son together, and have been in love with each other for 14 yrs, and just finally over the last year and a half, told each other how we felt. He feels we were meant to be together and so do I...how do i help??
2006-12-13 06:16:14 · 13 answers · asked by wa2outlaw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are people so screwed up these days? You're good enough to live with and have kids with but whoa...marriage? Sounds like a ridiculous and immature way to look at things if you ask me. Yeesh.11 year old kid, and living together for a year. Scared to sign a piece of paper. What a joke. Is this a real question?
2006-12-13 06:20:28 · answer #1 · answered by CoreSpeedMetalThrashGenreRockRap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, ignore the first answer about your boyfriend hiding something. Because if he were you would know. It sounds to me like he is scared he'll make the same mistakes he made in the past. He probably feels like he hasn't changed that much as a person since then and is worried he'll lose you over the same issues and baggage from before.
Why the need to be married? You've been living together for a year and have known each other for 14 years. You have an 11 year old child. What will change by becoming married to each other? Sure you'll be taxed differently and have to change your drivers license, but I don't feel like that is your main concern. To be honest I think YOU might have a problem with commitment.
Here is someone you love, that loves you back, and you're saying what we have right now ...isn't good enough for me. You're adding stress and pressure to something that should be a decision both people come to on their own. If you pressure him you will only push him away.
Live in the right now ...a title is just that; a title!
2006-12-13 06:24:12 · answer #2 · answered by AJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have an eleven year old son together but have only been together for a year and a half. Are the two of you the reasons the other got divorced?...did you cheat together in your first marriage?.need more details?.a year and a half isnt that long to be together before getting married, even if you have been best friends for 14 years. Best friends dont always make the best husband and wife.
2006-12-13 06:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be direct with him and ask him flat out if he is ready for a commitment. I know that a lot of times men are afraid to commit once a relationship has failed before. The things he really needs to realize is that he has a choice. He can choose not to commit and you both will have to deal with that. Or two he can choose to commit and take a risk with the woman he loves and maybe it wont fail this time. Heres my idea--explain to him that nothing in life is a gurantee and sometimes when you love someone you need to make a decision. If he loves you he should understand that you love him and naturally want to get married. He needs to decide if thats what he wants and you both need to talk it out. Maybe if you give it some time and try to explain to him reasons why you want to get married and why you think its a good idea he may not feel so afraid.
2006-12-13 06:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by niteangel2283 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think all you can do is tell him how much you love him and tell him he needs to have faith in the two of you me and my husband have known each other for 13 years and been in a relationship for 4 years and married for over a year and we are very happy i wish you all the luck i am sure he is just afraid it wont work out like it did with the past
2006-12-13 06:21:36 · answer #5 · answered by amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't force getting married on him. I think you two are fine other wise. He'll come around eventually, if everything is alright. You two been together for so long, and seem happy, I can't see how he hasn't proposed to you yet. But, don't ask us, we can't make him or even give you an idea to make him want to marry you. Besides, it would seem devious to have other people plot in your relationship. Just trust him! You have for 14years!
Krazy Libra
2006-12-13 06:20:17 · answer #6 · answered by krazy_libra_from_ac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him a divorce wont kill him but you will if he wont marry you. that you have wasted the best years of your life on him and bore him a child, thats a big commitment. it sounds like hes just looking to keep his options open and to save money in case of divorce, offer to get a pre-nup agreement and see if that helps shove him in the right direction.
2006-12-13 06:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woah...14 years? Sounds like he is afraid of commitment. Just talk to him about it. Say you wouldn't do that to him and you love him.
Men have a hard time with things like that.
Let us know how it goes.
2006-12-13 06:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by X_Mint_X 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him you are the best damn thing he has ever encountered and he will want to marry you. Dont use words, use actions.
2006-12-13 06:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by DJ C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you truly feel and tell him that you hope he can tell you the truth too.
2006-12-13 06:19:19 · answer #10 · answered by ACTiNGisLiFE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋