If you were given this ultimatum, what would you do?

Question

Your spouse of 6 years tells you "You are going to clean this house today. If the kitchen isn't spotless when I get home, I am throwing everything away."

Assume that your house is clean but there are always dishes to be done- I don't mean stacked to the ceiling, I mean maybe at any given time there are five or six to be done. Assume you are going to school and caring for a family of seven, including the aforementioned spouse, yourself, two kids of his from a previous marriage, and three of your own. Assume the littlest is teething and needs held almost nonstop, and that you can never finish everything within a day.

Do you: follow the ultimatum? Ignore the ultimatum; he can throw away what he please? Leave? Something else entirely?

Answer 1

Well, the stubborn part of me would tell him to take a flying leap. If he's so blind he can't see you have your hands full and offer to pitch in, then I think you should tell him, if he wants the darn things cleaned up, he can do it...or he can throw everything out. If he throws everything out, what's he gonna eat with? He's being a big baby and wants you to be his momma? You're not his servant, your his wife...he shouldn't treat you like that! If you know in your heart that you're doing your best then you have no reason to feel guilty and bow down to him. If, on the other hand, you do spend a substantial amount of time on the couch, maybe he has a legitimate gripe. Only you know that part. If he is being a jerk, tell him to throw it all out, then you don't have to cook with it or clean it!!! It'd be nice though if he just said, "Honey, I see your stressed and busy, how about we get it down together...I'll help you in the evenings instead of sitting around barking out orders!" Sometimes just venting helps both sides. I know I feel better now! :o) Also, how old are his kids? If they're old enough, why aren't they made to help if he's too wiped after work? You could try telling him you'll clean the house good and proper if he'll take all the kids to the park while you do it...or he can watch them all while you have part of the day out of the house and then you'll clean like mad when you get home and feel more energetic. That should give him a bird's eye view as to why you can't get the house clean and keep it clean...because once you've cleaned up one mess there's another one to clean up from all the kids, and him!

Answer 2

Honestly, your spouse is being a little unreasonable. You already takes on a lot of responsibility. Perhaps he/she should try to take on a little work. If they threaten to throw everything away, apparently they are angry about something and maybe what is truly bothering them is not the house but something much deeper. You should try to talk to your spouse and explain that you do not appreciate ulimatum, you are not a child that should be punished for misbehavior. But when you do this, do it in a calm manner, you would not want to upset your spouse (especially if they are abusive--verbally or physically) But it is important that they realize that some new rules must be set and that you two are long over due for a heart to heart discussion. But back to the initial question I think you should clean the house the best you can and what ever does not get done, just does not get done. there is no use of putting too much stress on yourself because then who is going to be left to take care of your family if you become ill or worst. Just talk to your spouse and explain how you feel, if they love you they will understand. If this does not work and they start throwing things away, maybe you should tell them that this is not allowable since all of the belongining are not theirs and you will call the authorities. I hope it does not come to this, just make sure you do not put yourself in a situation where he or she has the ultimate control, this could be dangerous. Just use your best judgment on the time, place and manner on which you will tell him or her. Hope everything works out, and be safe. Good luck

Answer 3

I sympathise, I have seven kids, a husband who is in the throws of a midlife crisis, a newly deceased father, narcissistic mother a house I never get any help in that is never clean for more than a minute. My husband has decided to become a big cheater to boot! Let the house go. My 7 month old is teething too. They are only little once, and they will always be yours, your spouse my not. Do your best to take care of yourself, it is so had to not feel like you are going to loose your mind! good luck!

Answer 4

Tell him your hands are full. Kids are alot of work. Just because he works outside the home doesn't mean he can't give you a helping hand when he get's home. If he doesn't like to see dirty dishes why cant he wash them up. Any little thing he does would help you out. Come on it takes two. Having little ones drain your energy. He sounds like an ***. He's not showing you any respect for the things you do. If your house isnt a pig sty I'd tell him to take more responsibilities at home.

Answer 5

I would not follow that. HELL NO!!!! What he should do is switch places with you (i would love to say a week, but we all know he wouldn't last) for one day. some men seem to think that taking care of kids and everything else is some easy job. to help the situation he should be willing to help u out as well... I don't know your financial situation but you don't need someone else nagging over some miner issue(s) u already have several. He need to go the hell up and be a man. my advise is to not do it ,but don,t put your self in any danger (i don't know your full story with this person(i say person because a real man would appreciate a woman like you and help out)... everybody is not perfect but there are much better solutions.

Answer 6

No spouse has a right to make demands like that. It's degrading and psychologically abusive. Express your concerns to your spouse and ask if he would consider hiring help.

Regardless of his answer, tell him you would like to visit a counsellor (with him) to address the way he views your responsibilities at home. If he refuses, tell him he obviously requires much more than you are capable of giving. And then, do everything you can (legally) to get out of that relationship. Everything!

Answer 7

Shoot, I'd be like, "go ahead, throw s**t away, dumba**"

you have enough on your plate, the last thing you need is some a$$hole coming at you like he's your daddy..you've got one of those already..what you need is someone who can relate to you and understand your position at home..it's hard to maintaine a house along with children and pleasing the afore-mentioned spouse..you can't make everyone happy..

my suggestion to you is to tell him that he needs to shut his mouth, we are not living in the stone age anymore and that he needs to help you when it comes to dealing with the things that need to be delt with in the house..and if he doesn't agree, than i suggest you either kick his *** out or leave - assuming it's possible...Good Luck

Answer 8

Can you leave?! Your spouse sounds like he's turned into a control freak and/or dictator. If the house bothers him so much maybe he should pitch in and help, or else find someone else to take care of his kids. What a guy! It makes one wonder how he treats you otherwise.

Answer 9

Take all the things / possessions you hold dear and remove them from the house to a secure location then get rid of the controlling asshole that gave you the ultimatium. You dont need someone like that in your life.

Answer 10

from my experience, anytime one of my ex's gave me an ultimatum, to me that shows a sign a no respect. i don't mind helping out around the house but don't treat me like a kid and tell me i better. they will lose everytime. then again maybe that is why i am single, but stand up for yourself and tell them to ask nicely