Divorced Parents - am I the only one tired of being the 'bigger person'?

Question

Is anyone else just sick of hearing 'you're doing the right thing, you're being the bigger person, don't stoop to their level'. While the other parent is being lax in their parental rights and obligations (not paying support, not seeing the kids) Am I the only one that struggles sometimes with wanting to equal the playing field and lower myself to his level? I would never actually do it, but I do wonder about what it would be like to play dirty...does anyone else struggle with this?
I do know that 'stooping' to a lower level would not be in the best interset of my kids...and that's why I ~don't~ do it. But I just wanted to know I"m not alone.

I've already started all of the court stuff, he's being held in contempt (but that doesn't make him a good father)

Answer 1

For years, I watched my ex-husband be a sorry provider for his children and he was a dad only by the title from providing the seed. He wanted to be called dad because he liked the title, but when it came to:
*providing--I did it
*consoling--I did it
*taking care of them when sick--I did it
*going to plays--I did it
*struggling to provide lunch money and put fuel in my car--I did it
*Being a parent in 100% of its meaning--I did it

My ex always had an excuse to not provide--mainly he would quit his job when child support found him. He could never buy the kids a pair of shoes when I was broke (he was afraid I would party on my kids' shoe money). He could never get them to the doctor (of course that was my job, after all they lived with me). He could never go to their plays (he didn't have time). ETC!!!!

When my son turned 17, his eyes began to open. He watched me struggle and he heard me call his dad begging for things. My son knows who has been there for him and he appreciates me very much. He still loves his dad, but he always calls on me when he needs something, even if its to talk about problems.

For my son to recognize my hard work as a mother makes it all worthwhile to me. I am so glad that I did NOT "stoop to my ex's level." I am so glad that I did "the right thing." I am so happy that MY SON sees that I am "the bigger person."

Answer 2

You are definitely not alone. I have been playing the bigger person since my child was 2 and now she is almost 10. It just amazes me how he can get away with everything he does and the courts just turn their heads (slack on the support, if at all, etc). Sometimes I really want to play dirty and stoop to his level. I have imagined it many times, but I love my daughter too much. So, you are not alone.

Answer 3

Well seeing my good friend go through a separation(divorce) its actually really hard to find the right words to lift her up. When you think things are getting better for her they get worse. She thought her and her separated husband were going to get back together, until he completely dropped her. He stopped calling and not seeing their baby as often. Last night she caught him with another woman at a restaurant which she happen to go out and eat dinner with her family. He actually gave her high hopes but he went back to his old ways. Its hard especially having children involved. I know your tired of hearing the bigger person quote but you've done a lot. A woman always has to struggle more during a divorce because we are the ones that have all the weight on our shoulders. Lets face it we do everything for our children. Some men (not all) think just because they pay a miserable amount every month that things are okay. They go on with their single life's while we have to figure out a way to get through life everyday. Just remember that you have to be strong for the sake of you children because your all they got, and be thankful to god that you have the strenght of getting up everyday to do it.

Answer 4

IF they are not abiding by court rules as to payment, then call it in to the courts...this is not a matter of "bigger person," but of fair and legal. You will be doing the right thing by making the other live up to the agreement set by the courts. Stop being a patsy...there is a difference in higher road and patsy.

Answer 5

No you are not alone! I want to whoop that bastard and that betch he slept with and knocked up. She thinks she is controlling him now and she thinks she's the shyt. but she will never be the woman I am and he knows it. I am struggling with not acting like a fool and looking more stupid than I have but I won't cuz I have my son to protect. He is more important than those 2 losers and I know you feel the same way about yours. I will fight but I will do it legally. But I feel you girl I know you want to get down and dirty I know it, but do it the legal way first.

Answer 6

I fantasize all the time about paybacks and getting revenge, but I never do, same reason you don't, your not that type of person, but it is fun to play out a scene in your head, seems pretty healthy to me.