I celebarate and get all into it still, my brother died in a car accident on Christmas morning 4 years ago, and although I miss him very much Christmas is still enjoyable to me. I love to watch my children on Christmas morning, but I would say there's alittle part of me that feels guilty seeing as my brother died on the exact day. My Dad and Mom although they are separated don't get in to the Christmas spirit as much as before, they will give gifts but not really be into Christmas, meaning they don't put up a tree anymore or decorate. They just give the grandkids presents and then they are sad they hole day. Is it wrong for me to still be happy on the day of Christmas????
2006-12-13 05:32:39 · 57 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do think of him and lite a candle for him, but I try not to bring my children down and just have a regular happy Christmas.
2006-12-13 05:34:12 · update #1
One thing I have found out since my dad died in Feb. is that when you have kids, you cannot be down and sad all the time for their sakes. Yes, it is a sad day. Yes, you will remember your brother and be sad. But, you have children that may or may not miss your brother as much and for them life is life and is going on. They shouldn't be punished and be made to sit around sad all day because of what happened 4 yrs. ago. Yes, it's important and you never want to forget your brother. But, on the other hand, I have learned that life is for the living. And even though my kids absolutely LOVED their grandpa, they get over it quicker than we do, they want to go on with life. They want to have fun. Yes, we still have our crying fits and don't think we can go on another day, but we have to go on for our kids and make life fun. We plan on celebrating and having a great Christmas, even though this will be our first without my dad. The kids don't want to sit around and cry all day and I really don't either! Yes, we will have our sad moments, but for the most part, we plan on having a great time having fun, like my dad would want us to do.
One thing about your parents. They don't have little kids to make happy. They lost their child, so yes, they will be more sad and down trodden, especially at Christmastime. And especially on Christmas Day. But I hope they understand that you still have kids and a family to take care of and need to be upbeat. Kids need to know that life goes on, we miss those who have passed on, but life does go on. They are gone, but not forgotten. No, it is not wrong at all for you to be happy on the day of Christmas!
2006-12-13 05:43:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How would your brother feel? Do you think he would be happy if you were to sad over his death when you're supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus. Although your parents are still grieving his death, understandably so, that doesn't mean you aren't also. I think what you are doing is wonderful. On Christmas, instead of mourning him, you are celebrating the gift that he was while he was still here. You can keep his memory alive by always remembering that this is the day he went home and now you have another angel watching over you and your family. Keep telling your parents this, although it will be hard for them, I am sure they will understand this. Take them a little tabletop christmas tree and tell them that it is in honor of your brother. Make sure they can handle this though. It's been four years you may be able to make it a traditional tribute to him.
2006-12-13 05:42:37 · answer #2 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is a time for celebrating life. Use part of the day to celebrate your brother's life, even though it is the anniversary of his death.
I don't know the circumstances surrouding his death, but it is ok to feel sad, depressed, and "just not into" Christmas. However, you cannot stop living your life because of a death in the family.
I know that statement sounds harsh, but the reality is, life goes on, no matter what else happens in the world.
Your mom and dad are still feeling the aftershocks of this, I am sure. No parent wants to outlive their children, and him not being there is like a hole in their lives.
They may need to talk with a counselor or pastor to help get them through this. Un unbiased, yet caring opinion may help them see that while they have lost a child, there are others that are still here who love them.
I am truly sorry to hear of your loss.
2006-12-13 05:50:31 · answer #3 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For you Christmas is a time of joy, why should it be otherwise? Your brother died tragically on Christmas, that is sad, but I trust you had many happy Christmases with him.
You can honor his memory by enjoying this time with your family and thinking of him.
Fond memories are a gift of the past and the future is promised to no one. Christmas is a celebration of hope and life after the longest night of the year and the death of your brother is a reminder that the present is all we ever have.
These two events can bring a special meaning for Christmas... that the past is done, the future may never come. Live and love in the moment with gratitude.
It is sad that your parents choose to remain in their grief and deprive themselves of joy at this time. That is their choice, it doesn't have to be yours. You can love and respect them where they are at and enjoy your Christmas without guilt.
2006-12-13 05:56:16 · answer #4 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should enjoy Christmas and celebrate life. Your brother would not want you to be miserable, just as you wouldn't want him to if the situation were turned around. You must show your kids how to move on with life--past a loved one's death. You are their role-model in life and they learn from you how to handle situations.
All of our days are numbered. God planned our life and the day of our death. Your brother's death was for a reason--maybe you will never know it here on earth, but it did serve some purpose. For example: if your brother had lived, he may have suffered unbearable pain for the remainder of his life, or he may have been a quadriplegic. And even though to us it seems that it would be better for him to have lived--if you think about it, it's selfish of us because we would not be the ones to suffer.
Whatever has happened or whatever will happen, you must always remember that God is in control. As believers, all things happen for our good and for His Glory, even those things that may seem horrible to us or just to much to bear.
It's okay to remember your brother at Christmas, but maybe instead of showing your children the sad side, by just lighting a candle, maybe you should think of a funny story to tell each Christmas when you light that candle. It will soon become a joyful candle-lighting ceremony, instead of the kids seeing dad become sad each Christmas that the candle is lit.
2006-12-13 05:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by Christian93 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death is weird...alot of people insist on being sad on the day of a loved ones death. I admit that I have done that in the past as well. But I got some really great advice this year when my grandmother died. She died on my birthday of this year. I was very depressed and around all my family at the hospital and I said Why did she have to die on my birthday???
And my aunt said "just look at it this way, now you have the same birthday because this is the day she went to heaven."
Some may say its quite childish, and Im 28 years old. But it really helped me to see the brighter side of things. I know you love your brother and want to mourn him, but be happy for him, he is in a much better place and is no doubt sitting up there feeling sorry for you because you arent up there yet. Look at it as celebrating your brothers life on Christmas day....to me there could be no better honor.
2006-12-13 05:38:46 · answer #6 · answered by babyj248 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats such a terrible thing to have happend i'm so sorry. Your brother i'm sure would hate to think of you being sad at christmas time. You have nothing to feel guilty about, as sad as it is when we lose someone so close life goes on and although you'll never forget him I'm sure he would rather you try to enjoy the day rather than dwell on the sadness of it.I think lighting a candles is a lovely way of remembering him. This christmas don't feel bad about enjoying yourself, have fun and make it a good day for your kids, it's what your brother would have wanted. x
2006-12-13 05:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not feel guilty about celebrating Christmas. I don't think your brother would want you to be bumbed out. Lighting a candle and maybe saying a prayer for him and letting him know that you are thinking about him is all you need. I think your mom and dad need therapy to let this go. They need to remember the true meaning of Christmas. It is not about death but birth. Think of your Brother in a much better place.
2006-12-13 05:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man just bcause your brother has died on the same day as christmas doesnt mean you need to stop celebrating christmas. But you should take time in christmas to remember him. But plz keep celebrating christmas man. The best time of the year!
See Ya!
2006-12-13 05:40:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your lost but whatever you're doing...keep it up. Your brother's probably happy on the other side so why be so sad? I'm sure if he was a loving brother, having your Christmas spirit up during this time is all he would wish for.
2006-12-13 05:45:40 · answer #10 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋