I don’t want to hit her back. If I call the cops I’m afraid they wont believe me. She threatens me saying she would tell them that I am the abusive one. I have NEVER hit her. I don’t fight back because I don’t want to hurt her. I’m not a violent person. She is small & petite, she uses random things as weapons. She also threatens to call the cops and tell them I’m beating her if I try to leave her. I know she isn’t bluffing because her sister did the same thing to her husband and had him put in jail. Her family has a history of abuse. I’m worried that our 2-year-old child will be affected by seeing the abuse. Is there a way I can secretly videotape the abuse and use it in court to get custody of my kid and a restraining order on her? I know courts usually side with women. My wife has serious mental problems; ironically she has a Psychology degree. I love my wife but want her to change. I need some advice & help please.
2006-12-13 05:28:34 · 15 answers · asked by A husband in California 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are not alone! When I read this question I thought Oh My God! I was talking about spousal abuse last night, regarding a friend of mine who physically abused her husband.
We all helped him because he too was threatened with losing his son and going to jail. It really pisses me off that women, who abuse, use that to get out of trouble and keep the kids.The law really needs to adjust this regulation that women get everything and the children most of the time. If it is legimate, so be it...but the circumstances need to be investigated.
Yes, you can secretly install a video system in your home. You can have it done pretty inexpensively. They will even install it for you. That would help your cause. However, if that is too hard for you to accomplish, do exactly what my friend Bob did...tell everyone....tell your friends, as hard as that may be, tell your neigjbor, tell anyone who will listen. Document events, document times, call the police if you have to. Tell your family members and call the battered husband hotline, they have shelters for men too. Please, do not allow the fact that this is always portrayed as a women's ordeal, men do suffer from it too. We all went to bat for our friend Bob, we called the police, we documented events, we stalked his home and took picture/video of her ranting, raving and hitting. He is now a spokesperson for spousal abuse.
If okay with you, I can have him email you, with your permission only.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-13 05:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by megabites42 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The law is not on your side on this one. Unless you have iron-clad evidence (maybe you should find some way to record it?) you are probably going to find yourself not being believed and being ridiculed by family and friends.
I suggest you find a way to be in a very public situation with many witnesses for several days (visiting family?) where there is no way she can allege assaults happened because everyone was there. At the end - vanish. Reappear at a lawyer's office and consult with them. Then go to a police station and file some reports. Likely to just be chunks of paper but they might protect you later.
You might want to talk to a lawyer in the days/weeks leading up to this about how best to protect yourself. You are going to find very few allies (even on here) as most people will call you a wuss for having an abusive wife. I'm sorry it's just the way people are.
2006-12-13 05:34:57 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Find a way to tape her. Take it to court show the judge tell him you want full custody untill she can take an anger management class. Tell the you would be willing to help her you just can't handle the abuse any longer. The child should never see anything like that. Good luck
2006-12-13 05:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by vanessac2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to report her just was as if it was a man beating on a woman... You need to put a stop to this now and break that cycle or your child will have the same history because they will think it's okay because Mommy did it. File a police report and ask for an order of protection for you and your child. Visit the ER and have them document any bruises, scratches, scrapes, etc... Call a domestic violence hot line (United Way,First Call, Salvation Army, etc..)...you'd be surprised how many men are abused by their spouses...You're an awesome man...most would have beat her down by now...and that's probably what's she's waiting for so she can say she was defending her self against you.
2006-12-13 05:37:45 · answer #4 · answered by stefani_m2003 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are in trouble without any proof unfortunately. What you can do which won't have any pictures, but can have almost as much force in court and that would be to get a voice activated recorder and put a 90 min or more tape in it. Then place the recorder in a central location in the house where most of the abuse can be recorded.
2006-12-13 05:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try calling abuse hot lines to see if you can have the abuse documented. I don't think you are the only man that is going through this problem with their wife. The number of men that report it i don't know. You not only have your safety to look out for but the safety of your child. I hope you find the answer and resolution you seek. You are a real man not to stoop to the level of hitting. If you want to continue to stay with her see if she'll go to counseling and anger management
2006-12-13 05:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you knew this before you married her. All I can tell you to get some counseling and get out of there. So what if she calls the police and you go to court. Believe me it's not the worst thing that can happen to you. In most abuse cases the other party end of dead. So pick your choice and move on.
2006-12-13 05:34:15 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get a number of micro-cameras and put them in real good hiding places around the house, like inside of air vents, etc so she won't find them and you can get a pocket size digital recorder, so it is easy to hide and get as much video as possible. They even make wireless camera's now. (No wires) Do you have any place to go to once you have your evidence? That would be a good thing to go ahead and line up in advance. Good luck. Oh, and by the way, as long as it is video and not audio, it is admissible in court. Get a lawyer in advance.
2006-12-13 06:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by golden rider 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
See a lawyer immediately, and get the child out of the house and away from this monster. Your wife is NOT going to change. Courts do NOT usually side with women...they side with the one who best displays a case...so get to work and make a case. YOu have a child to protect...this woman is a dangerous luny toon..get as far away from her as possible, and take your child with you!
2006-12-13 05:50:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you should hide a camera. Get as many tapes of what she does to you as you can. Then take it to court. Do what you can for the sake of your child. I grew up in a household similar to what you describe. It was the most awful thing I've had to witness in my life. Take care of your child. Good luck.
2006-12-13 05:33:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋