How should I handle relatives that don't want to accept my name change?

Question

Twenty years ago I changed my first name. My immediate family and a few close cousins adapted to the change with no problem. However, still after 20 years, some relatives refuse to call me by the new name (which is not new anymore). In the past, because I didn't see them often, I let them get away with it. But at a recent reunion, these relatives introduced me by my old name which really irritated me. Now I beginning to want to stay away from family gatherings because I'm losing patience with relatives who feel they have the right to call me what they want, and I may end up saying something sarcastic. Suggestions from outsiders would help.

Answer 1

Staying away from the gatherings only hurts you not them. When they introduce you incorrectly kindly (and I do mean kindly) speak up and correct your name to the person you are being introduced too. Don't dis the family or complain just ignore them. Makes them look bad, like they are forgetful or ignorant. Trust me they WILL catch on and if they don't who cares.

Answer 2

Obviously you really hated your old name. It would be sad if you were kept away from family gatherings because of a few. My advice would be, when anyone introduces you by your old name, correct them. Do not be sarcastic, that may cause a rift in the family. If they say this is xxxxx, just say hello, I'm yyyy. Don't make a big deal of it. Some people do not adapt to change very well, and we have to accept that. Even years later.

It may be they don't even think about it.

I hope this helps.

Answer 3

I have some experience with this issue given that I changed my name over 20 years ago as well.

Two points, names are extremely important to many people, and although you didn't have any choice in the name you were given at birth, some more traditionally minded people see it as an insult toward your parents.

The other reason is that of time and distance. I have a great aunt who is well on the other side of 80, I see her on average every 7 or 8 years. she still uses my old name. At first it bothered me, but then I realized that is how she knows me and she is too old to change it.

I might assume that since you changed your name 20 years ago that you are at least 36, yes?

And further that the primary offenders of not honoring this change were at least your parents age or older? with the exception of a few cousins your age that you see rarely. So the majority, I am guessing, are on the other side of 60.

My advise is to not let it get to you too much. the two easiest responses is to either giggle (especially in front of non-family guests) and say something along the lines of I haven't used that name in years you know my name is ....

Or if in private/slash just family, politely but firmly say "now Aunt Jane you know I changed my name from ... to ... over 20 years ago. When you refer to me as my old name most people don't know who you are talking about and it annoys me a little as well"

A couple of interactions along those lines should handle it but even if it doesn't just learn to let it pass over you. By your own admission you don't see them frequently so learn to live with it.

Good Luck

Answer 4

The problem here is not whether your relatives refuse to recognize your old/new name, but your emotion around it. So what if they call you whatever, as long as they love you, who cares.
I say this because I have been in the same situation as you, and I finally realized that a rose by any other name is still a rose. I now answer to anything except "boy", "troop" or "hey you".
Be secure in who you are, and they will love that about you.

Answer 5

Wear a name tag when you go to family gathering....when they call you by the old name...correct them "I'm sorry...but,my name is------"...after a few embarrassing moments...they will soon call you by the correct name...they'll be the ones to look like an idiot to the people they are introducing you to....and, if you have a name tag on..they will be reminded of your name before introducing you, which may solve the problem before it gets out of hand.

Answer 6

Well you have 3 options.
1) Never speak to them again
2) Still participate in family gatherings but bite your tongue
3) Still participate in family gatherings and say something.
I'd suggest 3 ;)
Knowing that you may say something sarcastic, maybe just come out and say it. If they say "This is old name" or "Old name come here" Say something like "Actually I go by new name" and "Okay, but only if you call me by new name!" If you act casually about it, so will they, and no big fuss aughta happen.

Answer 7

Just deal with the new name. If you get close to someone who is introduced to you by your old name, they'll eventually find out and understand you. And if they don't end up knowing you, who cares. It's the relatives' problem, not yours.

Answer 8

The next time a relative introduces you by the old name, just interject the same way if a stranger got your name wrong, & say some thing like "Uh, No actually my name is....."
Try not to let it irritate you, just accept it.

That way they only embarass themselves, & you are unaffected.

Answer 9

Yes...one of the many reasons I NEVER see extended family any more. They are just miserable people who are probably jealous or envious of you in some way...even those who you may think are more successful in general than you are can often be jealous of the least little success of others. Me, I prefer people who are loving and supportive...so I pick and choose who I surround myself with....in general. This one is easy one ...quit going to these and find others who are better to associate with as replacements.

Answer 10

Ignore them. My first name is June. I changed it to Angell
My aunt still calls me Junie [ no problem ] my friends know me as Angell and they have no problem with my family members. They just move on and that is that..

Get use to it - you changed in time they will too [20, 30, or 40 yrs]live with it..