We have been married for 13 years and ever since we got married, he cannot be approached for any sane conversation. He is always either reading a news paper, laptop, tv or a phone conversation and worst of all he uses his work as an excuse to ignore me. How do I handle this? He says that he will talk to me once he finishes reading the news paper, and the moment he finishes that he starts browsing the net, within which time he gets a call from work and when that is over it is time for the tv by which time it is time for bed. Then when I lose my patience and ask him why he does it, he says, instead of talking to you, I better finish my office work on the laptop and again sits with the laptop till I am fast asleep. He is extremely rude with me. But to the outside world he pretends that he is the most loving husband of all. We have also seen a counsellor and it did not help.
2006-12-13 05:24:41 · 7 answers · asked by SP 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thats quite a long time to endure such a treatment from your spouse. He obviously doesn't seem to treat you like his equal partner in life.
I'm sure in all these years, you've probably tried everything possible to correct this, including your counselling sessions. It might help to tell him that you respect his dedication to his work but would appreciate if he was willing to give you some time of his day. It doesn't have to be something specific. Just a nice connversation. Even just sitting in silence together.
You deserve it. You absolutely deserve his love and attention. And if you are convinced that you've done all you can and still things aren't changing, I guess you'll just have to move on. Either live with it or leave him and move on with your life. Good luck.
2006-12-13 05:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He's really self-centered. Have you tried "making an appointment" to talk with him? Have you asked him point blank what it would take to get him to talk to you? If a counsellor did not help, perhaps you should see a different counsellor? They are not all good in all areas. I'd say to continue seeing the counsellor on your own so that if all of this ignoring continues, you will be able to make decisions in a healthy way because I can't imagine living the rest of my life having someone ignore me all the time.
2006-12-13 08:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect he chooses not to talk to you because you make it stressful. When you do talk, do you have marathon sessions that last for hours? Do you get into verbal arguments? Do you spend a large part of the conversation explaining how much you hate it that he "never" talks to you? If any of these things are true, or even if he suspects that they would be true if he did have a conversation with you, then it is his anxiety that is making him unapproachable.
Here's a technique to try. Get a stopwatch and show it to him. Ask him if you can have two minutes to talk with him. Tell him two things: 1) it will be a simple matter that's easy to discuss, with no hard feelings, no nagging, and no complaining, and 2) you will stop at exactly two minutes. Tell him, "Think about it. I'll be back in 10 minutes to get your answer." Then, go back in 10, your watch still in hand, and ask him if he can give you those 2 minutes now. If he says yes, stick to your deal. Ask him questions and listen respectfully to his answers. At the end of the 2 minutes, leave.
Assuming it goes well, you will gradually be able to increase the lengths of these conversations. Be sure to stay on the lookout for negative patterns in your conversations, because if they start, he'll go back to his pattern of avoiding you.
2006-12-13 05:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you've been putting up with this for 13 years? Maybe he feels like when you want to talk, you are really just wanting to nag him? Read the book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" maybe that will help. Sometimes, even though the issue seems to be your spouses problem, if you make changes in how you approach the problem, you'll get different/better results.
2006-12-13 05:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but it seems like he's just using you to have a women on the side. Re-evaluate your relationship and see if you're getting what you need from him emotionally. If not, then maybe it's time to get on a new path...if he don't change. Good luck!!!
2006-12-13 05:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do a trial separation. That will either wake his dumb @ss up or it will show you that he is not willing to change at all.
2006-12-13 05:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I read similar thing about husbands addicted to (pornography).
2006-12-13 06:35:55 · answer #7 · answered by fabur 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋