I'm comtemplating divorce...don't really want to do it, but my hubby has a drinking problem. After you got a divorce, how was your life positively affected? I've heard a lot of people say it's 'freeing', etc. What's your story?
2006-12-13 05:22:58 · 19 answers · asked by animal_mother 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Living with an alcoholic is not having a life. Been there, done that.
Yes, it's freeing. You can actually begin to live without having to worry about all the things you must when living with an alcoholic.
But remember, just because it was great for me, doesn't mean the same will happen to you. But one thing is for sure: all women that live with someone that has a drinking problem all end up the same way: unhappy, sad, depressed, sick and sometimes dead.... you choose.... life with an alcoholic or the option...
2006-12-13 05:26:37 · answer #1 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was actually married to a Pastor who was abusive. No one could see that side of him. He hid it well.
It was hard to get a divorce as I never saw myself doing that. However, it has made all the difference in my life. You become strong from your hurts and being able to overcome them.
My mother was also an alcoholic. She eventually died of it at age 41. We tried to help her, but failed. So, as much as you may want to help someone you care about, only they themselves can make that choice. It seems the more you push them, the more you become the "bad guy" for doing so. People have a hard time admitting they have a problem.
If you really think it is worth saving this marriage, can you both see a counselor and can he enter into a rehab program? Atleast if things do end up in divorce, you can walk away knowing you really did care enough to try to mend things.
Most of all, if/when you do leave, things will be hard at first. It may take a good year for things to feel better. They say that it takes half of the time you were together to get over it, thus, if you were together for 6 years, it would take 3 years to really get over it. I am not sure that is so true, but, atleast a good year may be in order.
Read some positive/empowering books, surround yourself with positive people, maybe get counseling for yourself, do things you've always wanted to do like travel or learn a new skill. Maybe join a divorce recovery group. There are many things out there to help you.
Good luck no matter what you decide.
2006-12-13 13:32:52 · answer #2 · answered by Singthing 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i personally am not divorced, but my parents split when i was 12, they didnt have a problem like you have, they just grew apart. at first it was really hard on my mom, being that she already has depression and now a divorce on top of that!, but after a while she started doing what she wanted to do, instead of always doing what my father wanted, and she's been happy since. she's been dating a guy for almost as long as she's been single, but she never wants to get married again, she likes being able to send him home when she gets annoyed with him :)
since she's gotten divorced she's become a much stronger person and everyone has seen it. she used to be very shy and withdrawn, but now she is one of the most loved managers in her building (irs, so not like a small company or anything) and takes charge of things and isnt shy anymore. she grew from the whole thing, which is really weird cause my dad kinda shrunk into the background. he is remarried and has been for about 8 years now, but he is the one that doesnt go out and is constintly doubting himself, its like the rolls are totally reversed now.
if you think divorce is whats best for you and your quality of life, dont get hung up on "oh i'll be alone now" you were alone before you got married and you got along just fine, you went out, had a life, just now you have someone sitting at home waiting for you. and if thats what you want, get a dog. it will be SOO much more worthwile than a drunk husband you probably cant count on.
if you are only getting divorced because of the drinking, can you help him with that? is he willing to get help? if he is at least willing to try, be there for him. if he's not, then he is selfish and only wants for himself and isnt looking out for his family and you dont need that lifestyle
good luck in whatever you decide, just remember that you dont need a man you make you a good woman. my parents were married 20 years before they got divorced, but it was the best thing for all of us.
2006-12-13 13:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by mickey g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was very stressful going through it, but once the court was over and everything was settled life was stressful for about 6 monthes and then I got into a routine with the two girls and working full time again. It was wonderful not to be stressed on a daily basis and not having to deal with the problems of the problem marriage.
Good luck and Keep your chin up. Always remember to do something special for yourself everyday(doesn't have to cost a thing) Like stop and enjoy some wild flowers or go outside and do some star gazing and remember to pray it helps get you through.
2006-12-13 13:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Sally V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had no problem dealing with mine. He was a drinker also and loved to party the nights away. One day I just got fed up with him and his friends and put all his things outside and changed the locks.
Went and found a good divorce lawyer and was happy ever after. Got the house and only car. He moved back home and two weeks later mom and dad through him out.
Found a man that love and respected me and we had three kids and I am very happy, thank you...
2006-12-13 13:29:17 · answer #5 · answered by Angell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you say your husband has a drinking problem but you don't say how severe it is and can't you two work through it. For me personally divorcing was the best thing because I should have never married my ex and now 12 yrs and two kids later, I realize that. It like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
2006-12-13 13:29:07 · answer #6 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is very freeing leaving a bad situation. I left with a 2 year old. 12 years later, I am remarried and happier then I have ever been.
Oh, and I lost like 130 lbs too, after my divorce, because I was so much more happier.
2006-12-13 13:26:18 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was one of the best things I ever did! If you love him stay with him and make it work. If you do not love him or such as in my case, hate him enough to start having dreams of his death. (truth)Then divorce him. My ex-husband and I get along fine now. We have 3 children and still have to be around each other from time to time, but now the hate is gone and we are both better people and better parents for it.
2006-12-13 13:30:36 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me, the divorce was the best decision I ever made. My marriage was AWFUL, very distant, my ex was incredibly selfish, controlling and passive-aggressive. We did 4 years of counseling, and it didn't help, so I finally left. The divorce process itself was no fun, but no longer being in that sick marriage was wonderful. I will never forget the first time I slept alone in my own bed in my own house. I cried with relief!
2006-12-13 18:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen sweetie, its best you move on i was in an abusive relationship for 8 yrs, i have been divorced now for 4 yrs. i met this wonderful man and now he just proposed to me, plus he accepts my 3 kids from a previous relationship. things will get better, but it will take time. best of luck. if you have any other questions, email me.
2006-12-13 13:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋