They live far away, but seem to think they have to be here to be a family. I have a 17 day break coming up and they will be here in my house for 10 of them. I thought they were only going to be here for 5! They call and email all day long and feel they have to be involved in everything we do. The worst part is that my husband sees nothing wrong with it. He says "we're close" . It is starting to get in the way of our marriage.
2006-12-13 05:04:50 · 15 answers · asked by Help!!! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find a new Husband..
Tell him to go back home and live with his family or start being the man in the family and send them home. Ask him if he married you or his mother and sister. He sounds like a mommas boy. Marriage vows say nothing about mom and sister are a part of the deal....
Stand up to them and tell them to go home and let you take care of him now. Otherwise send him packing back home...
2006-12-13 05:10:33 · answer #1 · answered by Angell 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband needs to recognise that your house is YOUR home too, and that you need to be OK with whomever stays there and the amount of time they stay. I think anything past three days is really hard to deal with because it interrupts all of my normal routines. (Hence the old saying "company, like fish, gets rotten after three days) Is there any reason they can't stay at a nearby hotel? How would your husband feel if your family came and stayed for this amount of time? It sounds to me like your hubby needs to be a bit more sensitive to your needs instead of only thinking from his point of view. I feel for you- vacations don't come all the time and to have most of it taken up in a way you don't want really bites.
2006-12-13 07:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you're a Christian or not but one of the things that a man must do is leave his parents and cleave to his wife. He's not doing that. These people are abusing your hospitality and there needs to be boundaries. Saying that you're just not open for the extra 5 days and not answering their calls is a good way to start. He should back you up on this. It isn't rude or hateful (as long as it's said nicely)- it's respecting yourself and your marriage.
2006-12-13 05:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by question asker 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stop criticizing this woman. She wants to spend some time with her husband and don't want someone telling her what and when she can do it.
You need to talk to your husband and tell him that you insist that you all have more time during your break to do things that you want to do with just him. Tell him it is fine that he is close with his family, but you want him to be close to you, too. You are getting a break and you probably don't get many and have much time to spend with your husband and you need to take advantage of every single minute. I think you are right on by not wanting to spend the entire time entertaining his family...Honestly I think you are giving a lot with the 5 days. That just says that you understand and are willing to sacrifice and that says a lot about you. Good Luck and Happy Holidays with your husband.
2006-12-13 05:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by ransdoll90 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Man I fell you I really do.
To be honest I have an overbearing mum who does my wifes head in etc she helps a lot too but you probably know how that works.
What happens if I try to talk to my mother about it she starts sobbing which is a hugge guilt trip. "i'm just trying to help etc"
Her mother is just as bad?
So how do we deal with it?
We have a laugh at their expense working out how they are tyring to manipulate us and basically laugh at them. We know what their next move is and we stay one step ahead so we already have an "excuse" to scupper their plans. Then we let them have what they want if they do something for us. The trick is to let them think they suggested it, your a woman you should be an expert at that ;-)
It's either that or disown them completely i'm afraid.
2006-12-13 05:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Bohdisatva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would try to compromise, say on top of the five days you'd love to have them another three, but that you were actually looking forward to some peace and quiet. In laws are usually a huge problem w/married couples, so try to look for ways to compromise. Your hubby really ought to be backing you up on this one. BTW, how often do they come to visit and stay? It it's only once a year, you can probably live with it somehow.
2006-12-13 05:14:10 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well looks like you married a clannish sort of family they are overbearing and you are going tohave to stand up to them. Tell them after 5 days they can get a hotel room cause you have other plans . Please dont let them walk on you and that is what they are trying to do . Clean house now before they get there. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.
2006-12-13 05:35:34 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to really sit your hubby down and really tell him how u feel and its affects on u. if u have done this and he still thinks that its not a big deal then let him know that u will have a word with them (be nice about it). fake it. let them know that u enjoy them but u&hub need space.if that don't work e-mail them back and tell them u thouhgt they plan to stay for 5 days and u made plans. think of some thing but i tell u this u better say something because it wont stop if u dont.
2006-12-13 05:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by 2b-nice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my dear welcome to my life...it's like a long distance episode of "everbody loves raymond"....my mother and sister in law live only 45 minutes away and they think that we need to come see them EVERY weekend and if we can't make it, i'm expected to stay on the phone all day while telling her how our week and our 3 y/o's week went {like a 3 y/o has a life} finally it got to the point where i told him that while i think it's wonderful that he has the relationship with his mother that i never had with mine IT NEEDED TO STOP!! so we sat down {him and i} and agreed on set days that we would go there and he finally agreed that i DON'T have to answer the phone every time she calls...sorry if that was confusing or of no help, but it worked for me!
2006-12-13 05:14:12 · answer #9 · answered by Find a cure for autism 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i know just what you are talking about. but, in the same breath i understand thier reasoning and your husbands. i suggest you come to a middle point. when they come you sit down with the in-laws and your husband and all discuss this like adults. explain how you feel with out pointing fingers and blaming any one and being rude. you have a right to your feelings and they need to respect that and you need to respect thier feelings also. im sure all you adults can come to a mutual agreement. good luck and merry christmas.
2006-12-13 05:13:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋