This male friend is much older than me and he has been a great friend during some turbulant times in my life. I love my husband dearly and want to stay with him...but my husband and i have had issues in the past and this older man was a great friend and shoulder to cry on..now he is getting girl friend and i feel bad..am i feeling this way cause i love him romantically or as a daughter??? Help!!
2006-12-13 04:59:07 · 13 answers · asked by wartytoadjody39 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thank you everyone! I agree with you all. Thanks for the advice.
2006-12-13 05:27:23 · update #1
Ok reviewing all your answers..I have thought I should add this.....he tells me he will always feel special feelings for me..that will never change etc..but our time is not right..is he playing me?? I have thought I probably should distance myself..but he has been such a good friend to me..
2006-12-13 06:01:44 · update #2
I would never interfere with this new relationship of his..its not my place or my right.
2006-12-13 06:02:30 · update #3
I can see why you would be jealous. I personally don't believe that one person can fill every roll you need filled in your life. Its too much for anyone, even though you love your husband. Thats why we have friends and other people to lean on. I'm not sure if you love him romantically or as a daughter, but either way you love him and maybe you feel with his new girlfriend around, hes not going to be there for you like he was, and having that kind of support and a relationship with him is important to you. You said hes been around through your rough times, and that's important. So naturally you would feel jealous. Just keep in mind that you want him to be happy too. I'm sure he will still make time for you even with the new girlfriend.
2006-12-13 05:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by Tracy G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance isn't insecure or jealous and you're not a cheater, then why would there be unnecessary drama or questions? I have two close male friends that I did not drop for the sake of my husband, because he never made it an issue. These male friends have become friends with my husband as well, and when we do occasionally get together, my husband is included. We're all great friends.....I don't leave my husband out of it. I guess it helps that one of those friends is married, another engaged, but still....you shouldn't feel the need to ditch friends unless there is something more going on. Your fiance has known about these guys for quite some time....why not include him in the friendships? I hate it when guys dump female friends for their girlfriends or spouses, so I won't recommend you do the same. A friend is a friend.
2016-05-23 18:50:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you're on here asking the question you must have some inch of a feeling for him - and you know this. Otherwise why would you even ask.
You are already in a marriage. Respect the union with your husband and be happy that your friend has found a woman that makes him happy. He didn't put a damper on your marriage so don't try to tarnish his new relationship.
If you still find yourself feeling ill towards your male friend and the new lady - perhaps you should try taking a step back from the 'friendship' until you can sort out your feeings and accept you cannot have a hubby and boyfriend at the same time.
2006-12-13 05:14:10 · answer #3 · answered by The First Lady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's OK to love your friend who's been there for you through turbulent issues during your marriage, but its NOT OK to interfere with his personal life. So, don't get friendship and Lover mixed up because they are two totally different meanings in life. You should be happy for him even though your jealousy may stem from the fact that he will probably back off of the friendship somewhat because of his new girlfriend.
2006-12-13 05:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen... your human.
Just because you are married doesn't mean that you can no longer feel attracted to someone or even feel guilty about it. It is when you become obsessed and act on it that it is wrong (within the confines of marriage). You have a close relationship with him and more importantly rapport. You now have to share him with another woman, so you feelings are completely normal and possibly healthy.
2006-12-13 05:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by gatewlkr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may feel that you are losing your "safety net". Being this man knows some pretty intimate details of your personal life, you may feel that you'll lose that now that he has a woman. by confiding in him like you have, you may have grown more attached to him more than you realize. It's ok to have someone else to confide in like that, but maybe next time, try your own husband.
2006-12-13 05:12:05 · answer #6 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
only you know the real answer to that. be honest with yourself. from the structure of your question, i think you are jealous that the new girlfriend is going to be in a place that you'd like to be. if you have an understanding and open husband, talk with him about this. otherwise, you'll just have to accept this new girlfriend and perhaps distance yourself from your friend.
2006-12-13 05:05:34 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are feel like that because he was a good listner and that is what is lacking in your marriage with your husband...I think that when you lean on someone who has a listening ear, you may tend to care for them....I think what you are feeling is fear of him not being their at your beck and call to listen to your problems...I don't think you love him, its just that your shoulder to lean on may not be available as you want him too....
2006-12-13 05:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are gluttonous. We all are. We all want for ourselves. It's hard to be happy for others that we would like to keep to ourselves.
I suspect you are afraid his new girlfriend will cause the two of you to drift apart, which I suspect is probably a good idea for your marriage anyways.
2006-12-13 05:02:33 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are worried because the attention he has given you is now towards another. You should be happy for him, and not so wrapped up in yourself.
2006-12-13 05:05:02 · answer #10 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋