My husband and i were together on and off for 8 years dating about. We have been married for 3 1/2 years almost 4 years now. I dont understnad what i did wrong.We had lots of sex we were creative i tried out many different positions,oral, different places sometimes public, and since i believe in always trying something at least once anal because he wanted to try it out.He was getting sex every day of the month he wanted minus the 3-4 days i had my period.While i was pregnant we had sex till the day i went into labor matter of fact contractions started during sex!We had to wait 6 weeks after our daughter was born to have sex again and he cheated on me during this time with his secratary.I exercised through my entire pregnancy to keep fit because i have never been out of shape and took care of myself.I only gained 15 pounds and i lost it in about 3 months after the baby. I am 5 ft 6 and 114 pounds now our daughter is 3.He still is cheating on me with different women?why?
2006-12-13 04:56:22 · 50 answers · asked by Aibell W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cater to him completly when he is home i am a stay at home mom with energy since we have a cleaning lady and a regular babysitter to babysit.Our sex life did not change much after baby he even says he enjoys in more since i am tighter.But every once in a while he will cheat.He says he is sorry and will then buy me whater i want usually afterward but i feel like i am dying inside.
2006-12-13 05:02:41 · update #1
He may have a sex addition........ It something you may want to talk to with a marriage counsellor...
It does not sound like you are the problem in any way.....
2006-12-13 04:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by JohnS 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My dear lady, I have been reading some of your answers, and I don't know that I can be of much help, but you might as well be talking about me, I have done the same thing. You ask "why", well that is very difficult for even me to answer, but I will try for your sake- I think that I would like you, I never had a woman try to please me before!!.
I think that there is something about the " I do" and the finality and legal aspects of marriage that destroys some mens feelings of being a man and being their own person. To me, it was like now you are caught and in chains. To be married, you have to give up your own identity, and assume another. You are suppost to become one. That is very hard in some cases. Now, for the sex part, less face it, you see sex in a different way than a man. It is easy for a man to get bored or not get that good feeling with his wife any more. There is a lot to be said about having someone new. That is why some people have open marriages, but I am not saying that is right!. My dear, as we get older we change, and so does our sexual needs. You could be the very best in bed for me, and not be what your hubby needed. It is not anything you do or don't do, it is just a mental thing, and it happens to us, and I don't really know why. Its sort of like the love that we first had, the excitement that we felt, after a few years, where did it go. The sex thing is the same way. If it is any consulation to you dear, 90% of married couples are in the same boat, and 75% of them are cheating!! , and the rest want too. Maybe you should try it and then you will be able to put the ball on his side of the court. This may not be the answer, but it might make you feel better.
2006-12-13 05:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by hog rock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands view of you changed after having the baby. You went from being a sex object to being a mother. That must have been a turn off to him. It is not uncommon for this to happen. What is uncommon is the fact that he went and cheated as a result of him changing his view of you. That makes him a real dirtbag to say the least. While you may not realize it, every day that you continue to stay with him while he is cheating is doing a great deal of psychological dammage to you not to mention the fact that he may give you HIV and this baby would be left to grow up in this world without a mother and father. I think you should turn to your family if that is possible. Get legal help and divorce him. The only thing harder on a child than growing up with parents that are divorced is growing up in a home where infidelity is involved. This situation has grave psychological effects on children as they mature into adulthood. Going into a marriage is a huge responsibility but the responsibility of raising this child is far greater! Aside of all that, you have realize your own value. 5ft 6 and 114... you must be a hottie! Never blame yourself for his selfish actions. His actions have broken the bonds of your marriage and his mind he is already a single man. My heartfelt sorrow for your situation and best of wishes go out to you!
2006-12-13 05:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by curious george 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this is happening!
You really need a higher opinion of yourself! Why on earth do you feel this low about who you are? You do not need to live for this person. You have your own mind, your own abilities. Work on liking yourself more.
He is doing what he is doing because he can. There is no one around who is telling him different. Guys like this pray on women who do not like themselves all that much. You living your life for him gives him immense power. More then likely your husband is in a high position at work? He takes control of everything and everyone around him? He is confidant, a little tacky about how good he is? His crap doesn't stink in other words....
This is not a husband, this is a dictatorship. He is the king you are his slave. Break free of this bondage.
There has to be places in your area to help you build your self esteem. Your daughter is not to old yet, but will be soon and will start thinking this is a normal relationship. There is nothing normal about this relationship, none at all!
One can not make another love us or treat us like they should. There is going to be conflict, hopefully this husband is not physical (violent) with you?
Really go get some help. When he comes home from being with whomever be at a hotel somewhere. You and your daughter deserve more then this kind of husband, do not settle for second. Your daughter will soon learn that second place is OK, we no it is not.
Good luck!
2006-12-13 05:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very unhealthy relationship as the precedence has been set that it is alright for him to cheat. This happened after you had the baby and he cheated with his secretary. He told you he cheated then there was no consequence, all he had to do was buy you something, everything is wonderful in his world. You need to sit down with him and calmly explain that every time he cheats it is killing you. Ask him how he would feel if you cheated and told him about it. Tell him that he will have a huge consequence if he cheats again. The hardest thing will be for you to follow through with the consequence.
2006-12-13 05:31:57 · answer #5 · answered by kelleyann_p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this suggests it truly is time to transform the feeling, unclutter your concepts of each and each and every of the unimportant issues and make some position for brand spanking new targets. Did any previous reports bring about this? If sure, then get over it. existence is too short to keep sulking over concerns which at the instantaneous are previous. that would want to help you go away the previous in the back of and bypass ahead, do something that provides you with which ones ability and happiness. stumble on a purpose in existence and bypass in the route of it. boost new pastimes, construct large friendships, spend time in nature and make investments a at the same time as and ability in human beings. besides, time heals virtually each and every thing. provide adequate time and the feeling will fade away. Be grateful you've this existence. Peace.
2016-11-26 01:04:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating on you because you think the key to a man's heart is just sex everyday.....What type of communication did you guys have....
Why would this may want to be with someone who caters to a man.....You are not a challenge to him and you are so dependent on this man, he wanted someone who will be some type of challenge to him....
I think he cheated on you due to you catering to him so much where you had that 6weeks, which really should have been 8 weeks, you was not giving it to him...He got used to getting some because you feel that is the only way to keep a man....A relationship is more than sex.....it's communication, family time and being there for each other....You are the one giving and he not giving back, he's a selfish bastard...
Pick your head up and don't blame yourself for his selfishness and stupidity...You need to stand your ground and stop letting this man run over you...
Since you cater to this man so much, he keeps doing it because you are not being strong and put your foot down and stand up to this fool....
You need to take your child and leave as you need your life for your child(ren)...If you stay with this nasty a** man, you will end up with AIDS and you will not be there to cater to anyone....
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-13 05:55:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy who is going to cheat will do it no matter what you do. While your efforts to stop him from cheating are admirable, I am wondering why you went to such lengths for him? Were you doing these things to satisfy yourself and your husband, or to prevent him from cheating? If the answer is to prevent him from cheating, there was obviously already a problem in the relationship.
Talk to your husband and find out why he did what he did. Ask him if it was your lack of effort, or if something else happened.
I also noticed that you didn't mention anything about how the relationship was going mentally. Maybe he feels trapped. The only way to be sure is to ASK HIM!
Good luck!
2006-12-13 05:00:09 · answer #8 · answered by Fur and Fiction 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Has it ever occurred to you that it takes more than sex to make a relationship work?
I mean goodness - you gave us far too many details to let us know aboutt he rabbit-like sex life but what about other avenues of the relationship - communication, fun activities; laughter, etc?
You can ride him from sun up to sundown but that doesn't mean you're feeding his every need. I'm not saying your hubby is right for cheating, but if you're only humping like a monkey to make the marriage work - I can see how the relationship is in trouble.
2006-12-13 05:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by The First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not you sweetheart, it's him. When he cheated on you the first time little bells should of been ringing off in your head. It seems to me like you will never be able to please him no matter how much sex you give him or how good you look physically. I know it's hard being married and having a child together but I would seriously think about leaving him.
2006-12-13 05:01:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because he is a child and has never been taught how to be a man. He was a loser then and is a loser now. Based on what you have said, he had it made. He is weak. I would think that after 8 years there would have been some indications of him not being able to commit to you fully. Look back and see. Now you need to leave him.
Sorry for what happened to you.
2006-12-13 05:00:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jon O 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋