is it normal for a husband to work for ten hours a day and then come home then leave for another hour and a half everynight? my husband does it to me on all four of his ten hour workdays. i mean on the three days that he does not have to work i cant go anywhere without him wich i love, but those four days he works i only get to see him for two and a half hours before i have to go to bed so i can get up on time for my job in the morning! should i be conserned that he is cheeting on? i love him to death. maybe when he ells me that he wants my to be pregnant he was just l telling me a lie. i dont understand him half the time. we have only been married for two and a half months but we have been together for the last four years. he just started to do this to me a month before we got married. should i follow him one night that he leaves?
2006-12-13 04:52:20 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Follow him. Then if you find nothing wrong, hopefully that will build your trust in him. If you are concerned and suspicious, then do it.
2006-12-13 04:56:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Some men are just buggy. Meaning when they get done working they have a hard time winding down so they find an outlet that works and make it a habit.Sometimes just coming in the house and sitting there makes them un easy. It is a normal reaction for alot of guys.I am the same sometimes.
If you really want to know what he is doing why not just ask? And if for some reason you don't feel like he is telling you the truth then go ahead and check on him if you think it will put your mind to rest.But I have to tell you that I think your being paranoid and thinking too much into it.Never assume what someone is thinking or doing, most time you wont get it right.Besides, he would be the first man I ever heard of wanting a baby with his wife and going out and cheating at the same time.If he is then he might as well be out for that hour playing Russian rullet!
Good luck girl. Chill a bit and think about it, then go ask.
2006-12-13 13:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, just ask him where he is going when he gets home. I always tend to go have a drink after a long days work. I need a bit of some personal time before I do the husband daddy thing. My wife can't stand it but she knows I'm not cheating she just wishes I'd spend more time with her. What she and many woman do not understand is that a man needs that cool down period to just forget the day. An hour and a half really isn't much time to do anything (less he's a two pump chump) and he is probably engaged in something specific.
Just ask him. Then comeback and ask about how to take the response if you still insecure and unsatisfied.
2006-12-13 13:01:59 · answer #3 · answered by gatewlkr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
If he's not telling you EXACTLY where he's going, & it's not verifiable, then yes have him followed on a couple of nights. It will either put your mind to rest or it will reveal just what is going on because you have an absolute right to know about everything that affects your relationship, & if he's cheating then I think that would have a large affect.
There has been a recent change in the way he does things (the going back out after work) & that's a clear warning sign that something may be going on, so don't overlook it.
Even if what he is doing is all on the up & up, what is going on isn't right, & only you can change that for yourself.
Sure he is working hard, & has a right to some "Me time" but so do you.
Instead of sitting at home alone pining for your husband, get yourself out & do something for yourself.
Take a night school course, or meet with your girlfriends, or do some volounteer work.
2006-12-13 13:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be concerned about that, as of course you are too. You didn't specify why he is out of the house at those times. I would question that, and expect an answer, you guys aren't roomates, you're married. Spending time apart like that can cause a rift, and make you drift appart. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to stop working on your relationship. Approaching him and asking why he seems to be away so often, is a good start. Everyone goes through these ruts, and unless there's something else you're not telling us, maybe it's just a rut.
2006-12-13 13:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by Brandnewshoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So have you asked him where he goes for that hour and half each night?? old habits are hard to kick and it just possible that before he was married he was use to working long hours and staying out late with the guys, or at a bar, etc.. Hopefully he is not staying out late with the girls.. But open communication with him about your concerns would not be out of place. It is possible, if you haven't told him your feelings, that he believes you don't mind. Don't argue with him about it, talk to him about it and share your feelings.. say something like " When you work long hours and then go out for couple hours after you get home it makes me feel ............. (however it makes you feel.) He may not honestly know.
2006-12-13 12:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by incontrol_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to tell you this, but he is cheating...The way to tell if someone is cheating is when their patterns change from the norm....If he's coming home from work and then leaving for an hour 1/2 or more, he is going to see someone, maybe a co-worker....
You also stated that he does not want you to go anywhere without you....He is doing that out of guilt so you won't cheat on him like he's cheating on you....Believe me, when a man is that protective and has to be with you, guilt is setting in and he is scared that you will cheat on him....
Do this, when he leaves and comes back home, come on to him to see if he will make love to you, if he does and can get up, he's fine but if he brushes you off and tell you he's tired or to stop playing, he's cheating...Don't just do it one night, do it for about a week or so on those specific days to see how often he will make love to you....
A woman can tell when her man is cheating...If you had to ask the question, you know, you just don't want to face reality because of the pain it will cause....When a man starts doing something other than what he used to do and you get that woman's intuition and knows something is wrong....
Once you do your test, sit him down and communicate with him to find out why was he cheating....what is wrong in our marriage where you have to stray away?...
One thing that I have noticed is people do not communicate in their marriage and take the time to talk and see what is going on with one another...Maybe its time for you to sit him down to see what is going on....Don't keep letting him walk out of the house like that because, he can be walking out of the house and coming back in and giving you AIDS, Clamidia(when a man is transferring fluids from one woman's body to another woman's body), Gonorehha or some other vineral disease....Then you wish you would have stopped him a long time ago.....
2006-12-13 16:06:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where does he go when he leaves? When I was working 10 hour days, I would get home, eat, then go to bed. If you don't know where he's going, I'd ask him before following him. Do you have any evidence of cheating? Leaving for a couple of hours isn't evidence of cheating. I mean like mysterious phone calls, strange notes, etc? I wouldn't go accusing him without something to back it up.
2006-12-13 13:36:57 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what needs to happen is a conversation. if you follow him he will feel as though there is no trust. tell him your concerns, if something is going on between you two that you did not know. if he seems very defensive, maybe there is something going on, but we cannot know if its cheating for sure. maybe he does have a work load, or he's just stressed with whatever issues there might be outside of the home you two built. communicate first, and then, take whatever actions you believe is necessary if he seems very defenssive, but give him time as well.
2006-12-13 12:58:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know and/or he won't tell you where he's going ya have a MAJOR problem. Maybe following him (or better yet having someone you trust be he might not recognize) follow him wouldn't be a bad idea. I would rarely recommend such a thing, but in your case I will make an exception.
2006-12-13 12:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't follow him, go with him. Be all innocent, like you just have been inside all day and want to get out for awhile, so it's just SO nice that he's going out because that gives you something to do together. Smile. And, see what happens.
2006-12-13 13:01:58 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋