Since so many people fail to keep the traditional wedding vows, should every couple create their own?

Question

I love how romantic 'forsaking all others', 'in sickness and in health', ''till death do us part' and other traditional marriage promises sound. Judging from the number of divorces, many people are not up to the challenge of the traditional vows, and I think some people know it before they marry.

For couples not up to that lofty challenge, should options like open marraige, a five-year renewable marraige, or other terms be negotiable in in their wedding, or should everyone who wants to claim to be married stick with the traditional terms and do their best to live up to them?

Answer 1

I'm a hopeless romantic so I'm all for keeping the old vows. It sounds like people are afraid of committing to one person and they want to have all these options. Divorce rates are high and I don't see how so many people get married and then divorced. It may be because some of them give up when things start to get bad and the "for better or worse" part is forgotten. I'd rather not get married, than marry someone I thought would honor our vows and then we get divorced. I think the original vows are negotiable because the world has changed and women aren't seen as they once were. I think both people have to be willing to compromise on some part so that things balance out, but adding open marriage or renewable marriages would only give people an excuse not to stay married.

Answer 2

The traditional vows are challenging, but so is marriage. It should not be taken lightly - it's not 'going steady.' I stayed in a marriage gone awry for an extra 2-3 years because it hurt my heart to break those vows and get divorced. I felt as though I was giving up on my character. The benefit was that those vows really made me make every effort to save the marriage - I left no stone unturned in an effort to live up to the vows. When the divorce was imminent, I had no doubts that it was the right thing to do because I had every pursued every possible solution to our problems.

Revamping the vows to make the commitment less stringent cheapens the bond of marriage. It is similar to 'dumbing down' the test rather than pushing ourselves to do better.

Answer 3

You and your fiance need to figure out what is right for both of you. My husband and I chose to use traditional vows. Our wedding was not traditional (we were married in Jamaica) but we both like and appreciate the traditional vows. I find it romantic that my grandparents said these same vows to each other in the 1920's. Although some people don't take their vows seriously, we do. I also believe writing your own vows is very romantic and original. I hope your wedding day is a true fairytale!

Answer 4

Oh man, this is truly the end of the line. If a person can't live up to the vows they shouldn't get married. But anyway, what do you suggest. A lease a wife program? Trade her in when you want a new one? More flexible vows like "I promise to love until the day I don't love you anymore." What would be the point of getting married? Just be an unmarried couple if that is what they want.

Answer 5

Making your own vows would be disastrous. In this day and age they'd go something like this for 50% of the people:

To have and to hold, for better, but not for worse, in health, but not sickness, for richer, but not poorer, until one of us gets a little plump, nags too much, or in any way disappoints the other. As long as everything goes MY way, and if I don't have to give up too much of my life and my doings. And just until one of us finds someone better or decides to move on. Any children we have will just have to adjust.

I'd walk out of a marriage ceremony if I heard those vows, but that's what some young couples today really feel, I guess, because they certainly don't work at making their marriages last.

Answer 6

I wish people would evaluate their relationship before they got married in the first place, myself. I think a lot about the state of marriage and popping out kids before the marriage commitment. but nobody wants to hear it. To many people just want to do what feels good in the moment without thinking about the long term effects it's going to have on their lives. Marriage shouldn't be done lightly and neither should having children be so easy. These are life altering events, some lives didn't ask to be brought here, but they are ultimately the ones that suffer because of the lack of consideration. I could go on and on and on about this.........it really strikes a nerve with me.........but what can I do to change it? Nothing so I keep my mouth shut and listen to people complain about how they hate their kids dad and want to change the name of the father of their child because they don't want him around. Should have thought of that before, but whatever..............sorry......I know I strayed from your original question. It's not a change in vows that needs to happen it's a change in attitude and ethics.

Answer 7

Marriage is what it is and what we have known it to be, it's a traditional set of values. We need to create a different term if we break away from the tradition, what you describe is more like a partnership, and sure that can be formed in a relationship, but it shouldn't be called a marriage if it is not traditional.

Answer 8

i believe that the traditional vows r the best but if u want to say something else the preacher or judge or whoever is marrying u will let u say the things u want to say after or before he does the traditional

Answer 9

As soon as we lower the standards people will fall even lower.

Although a renewable marriage doesn't sound too bad....(until kids are involved)

Answer 10

yes making your own vows would be best