My wife and I have been married for over 1 year and have a 8month old son. She thinks that she is ugly and doesnt seem to want to have sex anymore! When we do she still refuses to take her shirt off!! What can i do to get the spark back into our marriage and love life!
She has lost almost 50lbs since she had the baby! i tell and i think she looks GREAT!!
2006-12-13 03:51:57 · 25 answers · asked by thomasevensen2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Women psyche changes after the baby, as well as the body.
She might feel self concious about her post baby figure, and no matter what you tell her, she misses her flat tummy and her perky bossom.
You can tell her that she is beautiful, but unless she gets confortable with her new self, she will feel inadeqaute and ugly and fat, even if she is not. Intimacy can be a problem if she feels self concious about stretch marks or saggy skin, she is in pain because she feels ugly and not as she used to be.
My advice to you is to gently remove her shirt (even if she complains) and kiss her trouble spots. Kiss her stretch marks and tell her that you are so gratyeful for your beautiful son and her, and that she is even s exier now than ever. tell her that you love her and always will and that there is noone else more beautiful than her.
Also, after birth, and if she is or did breastfeed, her brain is telling her that the breats are only for food and not for pleasure. This is a maternal instinct and it comes with childbirth. It will take a while for her to get rid of this normal psicological events related to having babies., normally, a year and sometimes more. her priorities have changed and her brain is telling her that it's all about the baby and that she is not ready to procreate soon, that means No s ex until the baby is older. In her mind, she is going to "cheat" on the baby with you and that s ex is dirty and wrong! This is called, motherhood! I'm sorry but it's the truth, the good news is that is temporary.
This is NORMAL, please be patient and understanding. I'm sorry about this, there is really nothing that youc an do other than to undesrtand and not to take things personally. remeber that she is the one that changed physically and emotionally and you are still the same.
best of luck
2006-12-13 04:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she needs counseling toots. She has a self image problem, she thinks she isn't attractive....maybe you should take some pics of her or put up a nice big mirror so she can really SEE how she looks. Her body is not the same, it never will be, but its still beautiful in its own right. I bet she has better curves than before the baby. The maturity of a womans body that has given birth is a huge turn on to some guys....face it, we look better than those sticks.......go show her Marilyn Monroes body.....absolutly gorgeous and she was a lot bigger than most models are today.
I would suggest the movie "Shirley Valentine" too, its the first film where I saw a middle aged slightly overweight woman having sex that I thought was beautiful, made me not afraid to age. This guy gives her this line about her stretch marks because she thinks they are ugly......he says they are beautiful because they are a part of her....she looks up at the camera and says "aren't men full of ****" but then she relaxes and enjoys it. Yeah, I know the chick in the movie has an affair, but what do you expect when her husband and everyone around her treats her the way they do....great film.
2006-12-13 12:08:33 · answer #2 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't normal. I think you should think about getting some sort of counseling. Perhaps sex therapy. She has some issues she is not dealing with. Tell her you love her, you miss being with her and that your worried about where your marriage is headed. In the meantime keep telling her she looks great and how awesome she is. Make sure you do lots of cuddling and things as well. Be a good father I think that is a major turn on. could be she is tired, could be she has a hormonal imbalance, could be she is having trouble transitioning and balancing wife/mother. Help her out around the house, suggest date night. Surprise her with flowers. Write her love notes. All the things you did when you first feel in love.
What about a day at the spa for a holiday gift, give her time to nuture herself. Sounds like she is trapped in Mommy mode.
But I worry that she isn't really seeing her as she is and has a distorted self image. That is a much bigger problem, you can't deal with that on your own.
Wish you all the best!
2006-12-13 12:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 5 month old and I too have a problem with sex. Is she nursing? I am and my doctor says that nursing and my post partum depression caused my sex drive to disappear. She said it'll eventually come back though. Every woman I've talked to that has had a baby said her sex drive went away, at least for a little while after she had a baby. I know one reason aside from the PPD and breastfeeding is that I feel insecure about my body. Before, I was toned and tan. Now, I'm flubby, white, and have stretch marks on my stomach. It's hard to look at your jiggly belly while you are having sex! Just keep reassuring your wife that you think she's beautiful. Also, a little beer after the baby is asleep helps me get in the mood! ;)
2006-12-13 11:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by Dilleydally 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ah, she went from "bunny" to "mommy". What's the saying, "Scientists have discovered a food that takes away all sexual urges from women, it's called 'Wedding Cake'".
Dude, her body has changed. I don't know how old you two are or how much she actually gained and then lost the weight, but I'll bet money she is thinking of stretch marks and boobs that are no longer defying gravity.
Not to mention it has only been a few months since she had a baby. She might be suffering from a case of post-partum depression. Give it time.
The only suggestion I'll make is if you are really wanting sex is that you try to seduce her in bed. Nibble on her neck, touch her in non-sexual areas. It may take a while but try it.
2006-12-13 12:01:14 · answer #5 · answered by Geo-Guy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is she still nursing? If so it could just be hormonal still. Could she have post-partum depression? Maybe some counsoling for her and/or you as a couple would be a good idea. In the mean time, keep telling her how awesome she looks and how much you love her, do whatever you can to boost her self esteem. I've been in her shoes, and it can be hard to get your sex drive back after having a baby. Hang in there, it'll get better.
2006-12-13 11:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by tabithap 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that it's nothing that you've done or said that made her feel this way. This is something she's going to have to work out on her own. The only thing you can do is continue to be supportive and tell her every day that she is beautiful and that you still love her.( Suprizes like flowers help some too)
2006-12-13 12:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by bigjohninfla75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have housefull been there done that my husband had to go above and beyond to make me feel better.LOL the poor guy.He convinced me i was the most beautiful girl in the world.i may not be but to him I am. It was also hard because he is so very nice looking i felt like wow why is he with me. I have stretch marks cheerios in my hair slobber on my sleeve i am aweful. but it was his constant compliments.
when you are with your wife turn of the lights and light some candles tell her how beautiful she is over and over during the act.Tell her you love when she does this or that.
I know it has to be tough but to get a confident wife isn't it worth it?
2006-12-13 12:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by shortpplrule01 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep telling her that she looks great, I am in the same boat as she is.. I have been exercising and trying to work on my self esteem, and slowly I am getting better.
I know that when my husband tells me that I look great, I got to where yeah whatever, but now that I have been working out on a regular schedule I am slowly starting to feel better about myself.. or try having sex by candle light... just enough light for her / myself to feel better in..
2006-12-13 12:20:03 · answer #9 · answered by Tammy N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a self-confidence thing. She doesn't feel good about herself and therefore feels you wouldn't like her either. Nothing much you can really do here except continue to encourage her and be there for her. They have meds for this, she should also seek counseling but most important figure what she can do to make her regain her self-confidence. Kind of like guys when they can't perform.
2006-12-13 12:07:14 · answer #10 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋