how do you learn to trust people after being back stabbed?

Question

There was a lot of people in my life that treated me like a doormat. Without me wanting to, it became very hard for me to trust people. Now I met a wonderful guy, we have been together for a year, but there are just some things that keep telling me i dont trust him as much as i would like. I know he is a wonderful person and would never do anything to hurt me, but sometimes i will react in bizzare ways to some insignificant comment or a joke, and he feels that something is keeping me from trusting him completely. I seem to have the same trust issues with some of my friends, and even my mom. How do I remedy this (short of going to a shrink?)

Answer 1

Don't suspect people and don't let your private experience affect your life. Take the necessary precaution and don't give your full trust.

Answer 2

well, I understand this because I too used to be a push over many years ago and got alot of disrespect from those that I trusted.Truth is the best and only way to fix the issue isn't really you becoming more trusting.Its you just taking a minute to think about the situation at hand before reacting.Like when your boyfriend says something to you that you are not sure how he meant it, just take a little bit to filter it through your mind.Most times the way someone comes across isn't intended to come off bad, its how you perceive it and then react that can make it bad.
If I was you I wouldn't worry about being more trusting. You can still give trust when its warranted but its better to have a guard up in life.Just change how you let it affect you,especially around those that are close to you.Keep a cool head and you end up being more receptive about whats trustworthy and whats not without looking like an insecure person.

Answer 3

I'm a white male, in my early sixties. You are not alone in your feelings. My joke to myself is that if I wanted a short message to sum up my life (something to be put on a tombstone someday), it would be: "He trusted people; they screwed him; he died." That is such an excellent summary of my life.
HOWEVER, I'm learning (rather late) that you need to examine your own relationship with yourself. Do you love yourself? Why? What things do you do -- so that you could honestly say to the mirror: "I am so neat and smart." The happiest people find much to love about themselves. If you can think of nothing at all, then perhaps you need to find ways to make you like yourself more. Is there a church or other agency that you admire because of their attitudes about life? If yes, could you join them and help them serve humanity?
One good test you could give your boyfriend is: Does he allow you to be you? Does he get jealous when you are happy about things that sometimes do not involve him? If he fails these tests, that is not a good sign.
Being in love with someone is great...but never get SO in love that the person could hurt you if he inexplicably changes an attitude he had about you.
By the way, how would he react if you logged in together and you showed him that you had posted this question? That might be another good test to help you know what he is made of. I would think that a good man would express regret that you've had those feelings, and vow to keep you informed about what he is thinking most of the time. (Although he might seem a bit wimpish if he gets TOO apologetic. After all, the problem DOES seem to be yours more than his.)
Since you are a young female, I cannot see what's inside you. But as for me, I'm going to try to live so that NOBODY can injure me simply by not thinking about me in a way that I would like them to. (Maybe you should post this previous sentence on your mirror and read it to yourself every single day.)
Good luck, dear.

Answer 4

Honey.... first of all you need to calm down... jus' breathe... for those people that treats you mean and everything, jus' let them know deep inside how you truly feel about what they're doing or even saying to you... they'll completely understand...

As for your knew guy... you need to calm down... if you feel that you can't trust him, then maybe you should let him know that you two need to take some things very slow... since it's hard for you to trust someone... jus' let him know that right now you feel uncomfortable about some things and that you would like to take things slow if you both really want this to work out between you two... he'll understand completely... seriously... then from there, you both will have that energy to build a foundation of "TRUST"....

Answer 5

There's no exact way to learn how to trust people. I am also like you. But it is very important tha you remember that these guy is not the one that teated you like a doormat but I completely understand you. I have the same issue:P

Answer 6

you don't-once the trust is broken very rarely do you get it back--the question is always in the back of your mind -you have to ask yourself if you want to take the chance and trust him-hey, maybe you will want to-take the step and if you find a reason to not trust him ,don't trust him again-leave and move on -the best advice is, you choose your friends,don't let your friends choose you-if you don't beleive him ,check his story out and go from there

Answer 7

oh sure . and under no circumstances only one "chum " . by using a collection . we were operating for a school challenge and that i became by wonder thrown out . and the worst ingredient is , i became the single which presented one in all those %$%!!!#@%^s into the team . with friends like them , who desires enemies . besides , i determined under no circumstances to back-stab everybody , in the different case there would not be any distinction between me and them . sorry about the rant . yet i have self belief a lot more desirable ideal expressing my emotions about it .

Answer 8

i hear you....i was hurt too...and then i find this guy who is amazing and i cant trust him as much as i want to....and unfortunately....i havent been able to trust anyone...and i had the choice of going to a shrink...and i didnt and now...its running my life...i know u dont wanna go to a shrink but i honestly feel it is the only way to get thru it....otherwise itll run ur life!!

Answer 9

i would definitely suggest spending some meaningful time in solitude, reflecting on the individual instances that come up where you realize that it wasn't necessary for you to guard yourself. and then it might help to consider how this holistically is affecting you and what life would look like without this "thing" that is bothering you. the more you figure out how things should be for you, the closer you will find yourself to the person you would like to be to yourself and others. good luck!

Answer 10

Well just get on with your life, not everyone is the same. So you had some bad experiences, now it is time to make good ones, don't miss out one something great just because you are afraid.