How do I tell my wife I cheated a yr ago, and there is a baby that may be mine?

Question

I am 42 yrs old, I worked away from home a yr ago and ended up sleeping with a 22 yr old, I feel bad enough about the age thing, but I love my wife very much, I never meant to hurt her in any way, is it possible to save this marriage>? or should I just drop everything?

Answer 1

maybe you should have thought about that when you cheated...

Answer 2

It really sucks that you made such a big mistake. You need to find out some very important info before you act. You need to be checked out for STDs and see if this baby really is yours. If you are positive for an STD or the baby is yours then you must tell her no matter what. If that is not the case I suggest that you get real honest with yourself before you make any decisions about telling your wife. The most important thing to ask yourself is if you truely feel you made a mistake and if you can trust yourself enough to remain faithful to your wife from now on. Also ask yourself if the only reason you feel bad is because you are in a position where you might get caught due to a child being conceived. If the answers to these questions are in line with you truely feeling remorseful on your own and you cant ever imagine doing something like that again then spare your wife the hurt and keep this to yourself. Always remember how you feel right now, how it wasnt worth it, and how awful it would be to drop a bomb like this on your wife. If after being honest with yourself you really can't say that something like this would never happen again or that the only reason you are feeling bad is because you might get caught then its best to tell her now instead of waiting til it happens again.

Answer 3

Wow, first of all is there any chance of you being contacted by the 22 yr old? If not don't say anything. If there is the possibility you will need to inform your wife. It may not go well but that the risks that a person takes when being unfaithful. Once you confess you will need to make sure that the paternity is certain. This is due to legal issues that may arise. I would encourage you to plan on seeing a good lawyer and a family counselor or pastor. I feel extremely sorry for all concerned. This usually does not have a happy ending.

Answer 4

How do you know that the baby is yours? Has your woman been with other guys within one year of your affair? Was this a one night stand or was it off and on. The girl could be looking for someone that will help her financially with the child. Go for DNA Testing and then confess to your wife. Marriage counseling is mandatory whether you are or not the father. Put your ego on the back burner and get your act together. This will happen again, and again until you are satisfied with who you really are on the inside.

Answer 5

First of all, I wouldn't say anything to her unless you find out the baby really is yours. Why start something that may never need to be addressed? If it is yours then you will have to face your wife and tell her what happened. If you love her then you will give her the space she needs to process the news and allow her to vent her feelings. Essentially you will have to give up control at that point and let her make the decision on whether to stay or leave. Try recommending couples counseling to her. If she wants to continue the relationship with you then counseling can really help get you two back on track. There are many couples who have survived infidelity but it will take a lot of work for both of you. Good luck.

Answer 6

If you really love her you need to tell her, even if the child isn't yours she deserves to know the possibility of it.

One thing I really cherish in my marriage, is that even when I mess up, or my hubby messes up, we can talk to each other. Although we have never cheated on each other, there have been times when he was out of town of two weeks that he almost did. He called me that very night and told me and apologized. That is really important to comunicate with each other

tell her there is something she needs to know, and the only reason you are telling her is that you love her and she deserves to know. Make sure she knows it only happened once and how truly sorry you are. And how much you love her and really don't want to lose her over something so stupid that you did. (and it was). Hopefully she will understand your honesty,
She might shut you out for a little bit, but give her some time and dont' give up on it. Remember there is always a response for action, and now you have to live with it.

Also remember you would rather tell her yourself and show your love and honesty than for her to find out from the girl or someone else and question your honesty for everything you have ever done.

Answer 7

First find out if the baby is yours. If not, as cruel as it sounds, let it go. Work on never doing it again. If the child is yours, this girl obviouslly is in touch and will be asking for support, right! This is the time that you need to telll your wife the truth. When you do, you must understand there will be anger and hate going on. Talk about counseling and really want to work on the marriage. I hope things work out the way you want it.

Answer 8

You should know better than we would how to tell your wife...She's YOUR wife!. One thing is for sure....I'd make definite sure that the baby is yours before telling her. Why hurt her w/ all this and it turns out the child isn't yours.
A friend of mine said something about another friend of ours and her husband, who had cheated on her... How selfish was it of him to hurt her by telling her after it was all over, said and done, only to clear his guilty conscience, so he could feel better...and now she's miserable because she knows. He should have lived w/ the heavy heart and guilt and saved her the pain, aggrivation, etc. Because when it came down to it...she loved him and wanted to stay w/ him....but the pain and dispair she went through from what he did and to make the choice to stay will forever scar her.

Answer 9

I would have to say.... you know your wife best, but I think that honesty is the best. If you think that you could sit her down and talk to her, let her know how much you love her and would not want to do anything to hurt her. Tell her what happened and how sorry that you are.
I would like to also add that if you think that she cant handle this you should NOT tell her!! You are putting your whole life on the line here.
Is this other woman trying to contact you? Dose she say the child is yours? Do you want to know if the child is yours? Do you want to be involed in this childs life?
You think about this VERY carefully before you do anything. You could loose your wife, your life that you have worked for.
YOU are the only one that can make this call.

I SEND ALL THE LUCK I HAVE YOUR WAY...
HOPE THAT EVERYTHING TURNS OUT FOR YOU IN THE END.

Answer 10

Woooo-eeee. Man have you got a sticky problem. You say that you had no intentions of hurting her...yet you screwed around on her? I have no doubt that you thought you'd get away with it however you didn't take any precautions like a condom? I mean not only as a birth control method but how about disease?
In any event...you aren't going to come out very well with this when all is said and done.

Answer 11

Wow. It's obvious that you love your wife or you wouldn't be worried about this. Not sure what you mean when you say 'or should i drop everything'.....does that mean end the marriage? When you say the baby 'may' be yours.....that means it may 'not' be yours. We all make mistakes, we're human. No one has the right to judge you. If you think your marriage is worth saving then do it! Would love to keep in touch to see how it goes! And keep your chin up....