My kids 11 and she has a boyfriend!?

Question

Should I allow her to or restrict her?

Answer 1

It's not too uncommon. Allow it but just be practical about it and monitor their time together.

Answer 2

Allow. It probably makes her feel more... loved. Don't break up a relationship for no reason. Half of the people here are probably just answering for the points. Restricting her is ridiculous. The girl shouldn't be kept on a leash because she likes someone. It's completely normal. My little sister is 10. She has a new boyfriend about every month. They ALWAYS break up. Being with a boy doesn't automatically mean sex. Or anything out of bounds. Sit down and talk with her about her boyfriend and set some ground rules. As far as group activities just come with her. Breaking up the relationship will only cause problems and as someone has already stated get her to rebel. She's let her understand she's open to talk to you. If she DOES however go out of bounds(which is rare for an 11 year old. Don't freak out) then you should disallow the relationship and explain why. But if you don't allow the relationship please don't restrict her. She isn't a pet puppy. She's gonna grow up. By the way. As far as the people saying "ohmigosh that's waayyy to young!!" My little sister chats about her friends bfs and gfs all the time. It's common for that age. About every 5th grader "likes" someone or is "going out" with someone. They are beginning to have interest in the oppisite gender. It's just how they begin to know how they work and stuff. Your daughter IS capable of making the right decisions if she knows what to do. So just sit down and talk to her about this. And no. She probably will not end up pregnant. They probably aren't even thinking about those things. Ignore the stereotypes. They are waayyy off.

Answer 3

C - something else.

You have a perfect opportunity to counsel her regarding appropriate behavior for her and the young man. This is not a "lock her up or let her roam free" kind of decision.
Probably the 12-13 year old peers she has already have boyfriends and she wants one too. Get her to talk to you. This is a MAJOR step toward independence for her. It's also the beginning of "teachable moments" when you can point out the likely consequences of her choices and actions. Not as scare tactics, but as a serious discussion.

This is definitely the time to set boundaries on how late, what environment and how to contact YOU when she gets into a situation that calls for a rescue. You are still the parent, but she will be making her own decisions without asking you first in every instance, regardless of the restrictions.

Answer 4

Ten years ago, I would have said yes. (Ten years ago, I was 9 going on 10, but that's beside the point.) Ten years ago, society was not as sexually charged as it is now. Ten years ago, 11 year old girls having babies was unheard of.

Times have changed. I had a boyfriend when I was 11, and we considered it naughty of us to hang out in his bedroom by ourselves (with the door OPEN), watching a movie. Mostly, the relationship entailed hanging out together at school, holding hands, kissing with our mouths closed, and going out to dinner with his family on his birthday. We broke up after two months, which, for being 6th graders, was a good long run. (We were also in Catholic school, so that may have played a role.)

If I had an 11 year old daughter right now (and I'm glad I don't, because there would be a few awkward questions about that..), I would not let her date anyone. At all. She's 11! The preteens, 10, 11, and 12 year olds, are looking at MTV and BET and all these famous people who are beautiful and thin and dressed like whores, and they're seeing that THEY have boyfriends, and that THEY are having sex, and the music is telling them that sex is what's expected, that being a virgin is NOT COOL - and they're 10, 11, and 12! I was completely unaware of what sex actually was (I had a very vague idea), until I lost my virginity 11 days before my 14th birthday. (I was in 8th grade, and he was in 11th grade.)

But, anyway... I'd restrict her. I'd tell her she's not allowed to have guy friends outside of school. She can have her girl friends over as much as she wants, but the boys she can only see at school. Give her a specific age for when she can start dating.

Good luck with her.

Answer 5

I know when I was 11 I had a boyfriend. However, I don't think I spoke more than three words to him at any given time. I didn't even hold hands with him, and the thought of kissing him filled my heart with terror. It was just the "done" thing at my school: Every girl had a boyfriend, even if she didn't know him from Adam. We were all pretty innocent, and didn't even know about sex yet. And yet, if my parents had forbidden me from having a boyfriend, it would've scarred me socially.

The problem might be if they're experimenting with stuff they've seen on TV or in the movies. Why not take this as a chance to lay down some ground rules. Figure out when you would be comfortable with her dating, and say she can only go out in group dates until she's X years old. Before then, you or his parents have to be at the "date" (more like an outing), or else it has to be in a big group of friends.

Just talk to her about it before you assume too much about their relationship.

Good luck!

Answer 6

IMO 11 is far too young to be able to handle a boyfriend let your kid be a kid I did not date till I was 17 and am so glad for that I have a 4 year old daughter and will not allow her to date until 15 or 16 Good Luck!

Answer 7

uh...if you have to ask you'll never know!

You are the PARENT she is the CHILD! She is way TOO YOUNG to have a boyfriend at that age; although, I'm not really taken by surprise by that admission given the times we live in with everything being over-sexualized in the media and the pressure on young girls to be popular and have "boyfriends". I think you should restrict her and keep a close eye on her actions/activities with this boy. But, also, don't be afraid to act as a responsible, protecting parent. You don't want a pregnant 11 year old...or one with STDs.

Answer 8

Well she is 11 it is not a real boyfriend do they kiss if so you should then restrict her I wasn't allowed a boyfriend until I was 16

Answer 9

My daughter always had a "boyfriend" from the time she was about 6!!! That doesn't mean much at 11. Occasional movies (chaperoned by parents), school activities and public events don't constitute much danger. Restrict the types of one on one get togethers.

Make too much of a big deal out of it, and you may be sorry. It's just puppy love . . . remember that?

Answer 10

I would have the conversation with her to determine her scope of knowledge about what a boyfriend is and what it means to have one. She could be very naive (as well as her boyfriend) about relationships in general, and the idea of having a boyfriend might be rather abstract for her. If so, the situation is likely harmless. If her interpretation of "having a boyfriend" is defined as having someone with whom one can kiss, hold hands, etc., then her societal impressions have skewed her view. This situation could be potentially threatening. The key here is to have a conversation with her. Engage in a "grown-up" discussion since she's interested in "grown-up" relationships. See where it heads. Treat her with some respect and you'll be surprised how much you'll get in return. Kids are maturing faster these days; that can be a good thing or a bad thing. The difference usually comes down to parental interaction.

Answer 11

When a child that young says they have a "boyfriend" they often just like each other. They talk about "going out," but let's be realistic..... they don't drive. Where are they going to go that parents don't ahve to drive them?

It is too young for real dating and you should discuss this with her. Here's some facts:

Girls who date prior to the age of 16 nearly ALWAYS engage in sex quickly. They lack the maturity to say no and make decisions for themselves, so they are more easily pushed into it.

Once a girl has lost her virginity and had sex, they will normally do it with many partners and not just those who they have a long term relationship with.

Age 16 is magic. At this point, girls who begin dating will say no to sex unless they have been in a long-term relationship with the guy. They are very discriminating about who they are with, and they make their own decisions.

Anytime before 16 is too young, based on statistics of teen sexual behavior.

Best Wishes,

Sue