Why do American women expect their husband to abandon his mother when they get married?

Question

Why do American women expect their husband to abandon his mother when they get married?
Why is that american women are so hostile to their mans mother? How come they don't like it when shes an important part of his life?

Answer 1

American women do not expect a man to 'abandon' his mother, but the mother typically does not live with the married couple.

It is an over-generalization that american women do not like their mother-in-laws. I think if there is hostility, it is usually because the mother wants the best for her son and she is very picky about his choice of women.

Answer 2

American women do not expect their husbands to abandon their mothers after marriage, but they do expect that as wives, their husbands will not re-prioritize and put their wives first.
This is not particularly "American." It's been around since Adam and Eve, really. Even if you do not believe in the authenticity of the Bible's message, we do know that Genesis in the Old Testament was written thousands of years ago and it clearly states as early as the 2nd chapter "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." This isn't an American phenomen, it's a human phenomenon. If a man is not putting his wife and his own family above his parents, he's not really ready for marriage. He is still longing to remain a little boy under his mother's protection. When he is ready to be a man, he will desire to protect and provide for his own family.
Even though it can be hard on his mom, a mother knows she has done a good job raising a healthy son when she sees him taking care of and providing for his family. That's a sign that its time to pat yourself on the back and develop a more friendship bond with her son and his new wife.
Thanks for reading and God bless!

Answer 3

I certainly would not expect my man to "abandon" his mother.
As the head of his own household, I would expect him to spend more time with me than his mother, but I certainly would not want him to abandon his mother.

Hostility may arise when the mother-in-law gives unsolicited advice and tries to dictate to the woman how to please the son and how to manage the son's (and the woman's) new home. I think this is more gender specific and not so much nationality.

There is the perception that when a man and woman marry they are starting their own household and in that sense there is a separation from the parents, but the parents are not abandoned.

A mother should always be an important part of the man's life, but the wife should also be just as important in his own new family as she will be the mother of his children.

If I was the mother, I would expect my son to honor me and take care of me in my old age, but not to the exclusion of his family and his wife. He has his own life to follow. My part in his life, in terms of time spent with him and caring for him, must change, though my position as mother does not and is honored. I should not abuse that position of honor by being clingy and needy of my adult son's attention.

Families are joined together by a marriage. I would expect the woman to take care of her husband's parents and I would expect the man to take care of his wife's parents.

Answer 4

You are misinformed! I'm an American woman and I would not be interested in a man who wasn't absolutely wonderful to his mother. When I was young I was taught that you can tell the type of man by the way he treats his mother, and it seems to ring true to me. Beyond that I am very involved in my mother in laws health and well being, and would do anything for her.

As the mother of 2 sons myself, I came to realize after my sons married that they are my children, but they are my adult children now and I must change my roll in their life slightly. But gladly did so. I have to fabulous daughter in laws and enjoy them greatly.
I'm sure that they would never expect for my sons to abandon me and always make me feel welcome and loved.
Sounds like you don't have a very caring daughter in law or that you are trying to still be a mommy instead of a mother.

Answer 5

That's not true of all Americans. My mother, for instance, was essentially my grandmother (my father's mother)'s adopted daughter. They were very close, right up until my grandmother's death.

I do not expect my husband to abadon his mother. I value the important relationship they have, and the important role she plays in his life. I do, however, expect my mother-in-law to respect my home and the boudaries of our relationship. Her son will always be her son, but he is no longer her "baby".

My mother has provided an important role model in this area now that both of my brothers are married. She allows their wives to take care of them and stopped trying to "mother" them herself. She is respected and welcome in both their homes.

The "hated mother-in-law" thing is, in most cases, more a cliche used in American humour, than actual fact.

Answer 6

It is in the vow. "...and the man shall leave his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife" To cleave means to become ONE. Much like grafting a limb to a tree. A man who can not become autonomous from his parents have much deeper psychological issues that stem from abandonment himself. A little introspect could help such a man. Blaming a woman is not a very manly thing.

Answer 7

It's because there are a lot more christians in my world than muslims. I've spent a lot of time in muslim countries and detest the religion. But it's the christians throwing out foolish statements here. When I see a muslim question in the ramadan section I usually go in and trash them, too.

Answer 8

This is very true with American women however have you ever noticed how American moms are.......they are a breed all their own. They are way too involved in the MARRIAGE - they still try to dictate what goes on in the home, they are younger, more opinionated and often do not like the daughter in law. I think it goes both ways.....

Answer 9

Ok which one of your mothers breast did you have to pull out of you mouth to ask this rediculus question, the right or left. Slowly back away from the boobie and every thing will be fine.

Answer 10

When an American woman marries, she is competing with her husbands Mother and when an American man marries, he is competing with his wifes Father!