I just can't beleive it that was in the past - I placed a ring on her finger and she has been my everything ever since. What the hell am I suppose to do all of a sudden she don't trust me.
2006-12-13 02:59:45 · 31 answers · asked by FuGiez1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take it like a man. Understand that you have made her feel insecure and now she is thinking about how you made her look like a fool and is questioning everything. She's thinking that if you could get away with a lie for that long what else are you lying about.
Admit that you broke her trust and stop being defensive. You will have to live everyday making sure your words are equal to your actions so that you can rebuild her trust.
2006-12-13 03:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's not like you haven't heard this a hundred times already but, I know this happened way back when. But you were not honest with her back then and so she is now thinking that if you weren't then, why would you be now.
This is why I have always said that even if people are dating.....they should not cheat on that person. If you are seeing someone and you want to see yet another person, break up with the first one first before you start seeing another. Just because you are not married and are just dating, and see another person, that is cheating. It can and will come back and get you when you least expect it.
In this case, you found the person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but in the process of dating them, you had to check out yet another person.
She is very hurt and I can understand this whole heatedly, you would feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot. If you would have told her way back when this first happened, this would all be behind you by now. Butttttttt she is just now finding out.
So what you are going to have to do now is let her know that you are very sorry that you deceived her all those years ago and that you truly do love her with all your heart and never meant to hurt her in anyway at all. You also need to call and talk to her every day several times a day and tell her you love her and what you are doing. If you go some where..town or where ever, take her with you, do things together, surprise her with gifts, flowers, take her out to dinner, movies, cook for her, hug her, hold hands with her, be affectionate with her all the time. Tell her that you love her, kiss her. Give her your undivided attention, let her know that she means the world to you. Always love her like there is no tomorrow.
I know a lot of people thinks that this is going over board for someone, but it is not, not if you really do love this person that much and don't want to loose them. Good luck, and remember from now on STAY HONEST!
2006-12-13 11:45:06 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women will re-live any moment in time past or present as they see fit. What you have to do is turn it into a positive.
You can say "I had doubts back then and if it wasn't for that other woman I may of never married you and been so happy. If you want to be upset with me fine, but just know that I love you and only you. BTW I know you are just trying to boost up the quality of your Christmas present. You are so sneaky."
If she continues just say "Trust me you will like you gift".
2006-12-13 12:19:26 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your point about it being in the past, but cheating is cheating. I think that since you waited so long to tell her that she's wondering if you've done it since you've been married. It would be hard to learn that someone cheated on you and kept it a secret for 7 years, that kind of messes up the trust you've built up over the years. You may have to rebuild her trust in you.
2006-12-13 11:04:15 · answer #4 · answered by angelicasongs 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is not enough information here concerning how committed you were. If you were casually dating more than one person, it wouldn't be a big thing. If it were understood that you were committed to each other, then it is cheating. She should forgive you since you have been faithful to her since you married her. Also if you were committed then you should have told her. The truth has a way of coming out.
2006-12-13 11:16:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's got the old adage "Once a cheater, always a cheater" going in her mind. If you haven't cheated on her since then, you need to sit her down and explain that to her. Let her know that you haven't cheated since and you don't ever see yourself doing something that stupid ever again.
Also, I think she has a right to be angry, even if it was waaaaaay in the past. It still happened, and her reaction to it is perfectly normal. This is how she would have reacted seven years ago, right?
Give her some time to cool down, and in the meantime, show her how important she is to you.
Good luck!
2006-12-13 11:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honestly. Put yourself in her shoes. What would you think of her....."Oh by the way.. I cheated on you like 7 years ago! No big deal right" Think about it!!!!You did wrong and now she probably thinks she doesn't even know you anymore. Because your not who she thought she knew. I feel sorry for her!!!!! Its men like you that piss me off because you think we should forgive and forget just because it was 7 years ago! YOU STILL DID IT!!!!!!!!! The fact of it is too that if you did it once whos to say you wont do it again???????????? Sorry if I'm being harsh! But its the truth!
2006-12-13 11:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by Just here. 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I swear, you guys will never learn that honesty is the best policy. As my PawPaw used to always say, "Be careful what you do doesn't come back to bite you on the butt." Kharma sucks.
However, you're right, it was before you got married. However, now everything she thought about you is in question. You just gotta give her time, and let her know that whatever you did then, you've done right by her since you married her.
If you're screwed, then sorry...let it be a lesson.
2006-12-13 11:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have to gain her trust back. Even if you have to check in a few times a day. Just let her know that you care enough to take the time out of your day to let her know what is going on. Even if you don't think that it is a big deal now, it still is to her. No woman or man for that matter wants to find out something like that. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-13 11:03:26 · answer #9 · answered by teresasays 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She is going to need reassurance from you. Right now she is probably thinking, was that truly the only time? She will want to have details, why, when and were? You will have to be very very open and patient. Willing to give her all the information she wants and be 100% honest. Show her she is "your everything" don't just say it.
2006-12-13 11:12:57 · answer #10 · answered by mbon:) 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋