should I stay married to someone I don't orgasm with?

Question

I love my husband to death and have been married to him over a year, I'm an average sized 19 year old, and he's 26, and he's the first and only made I've ever made made love to, but he's not too well endowed, so the sex is o.k., but I've never came, because I guess he's not big enough down there. He's a great guy and is always there for me and will make a great father if we ever have kids, but is it fair to myself to stay with someone that will never be able to make me come? He's pretty insecure about his size, so I've always told him it's fine because I'm pretty petite and it works fine, and I've always faked orgasms so he won't feel bad and want me to be with someone else. I've never suggested pumps or enlargement pills because it will give it away that he doesn't get the job done. Sex isn't the most important thing, it's love, but I want to come, and at least know what all the fuss is about, and I feel really bad about faking and lying about it. Help!!

Answer 1

Usually, by being patient and not being so conscious about the final outcome of performing sex, you might be able to make the experience a little more pleasureable.

Life is full of compromises we make. It is the extent to which you feel comfortable making those "trade offs" that keeps it going in a marriage. Hopefully, over time you guys will be able to make the experience more fun and erotic for you.

You may want to consider using toys to enhance your pleasure. When you begin to get your orgasms through the use of toys, the pressure on yourself to have those orgasms with him with be that much less.

Having said all this, I think you are a winner already. You seem more mature and understanding and expressive for your age. If you'd want to discuss more please feel free to email/IM me. Good luck.

Answer 2

If you don't have one with him you likely won't have one with anyone else. He could be the size of your arm and likely still not make you come. Only about 10-20% of women can experience regular orgasms from straight up sex. If all women who did not have orgasms from intercourse divorced their husbands most women would be divorced.
He can't make you come at all? Or just not with vaginal intercourse? Can you do it with masturbation? Can he with oral? If you have never had an orgasm at all in spite of masturbating you might want to talk to your doctor - you might have a problem that can be fixed.
A huge part of it with women is mental - they must COMPLETELY let go of their tension and anxiety. For many this is just not possible. For many it develops as you get older. You are young and likely still quite hung up about these things. You need to not concentrate on having the orgasm and instead just have fun. Get yee a vibrator and use it while he's doing you. Most guys (especially young, inexperienced) feel threatened by this but you will need to work this in if it's important to you.

I can tell you (and all women) this: if you want to have a satisfying sex life, DO NOT fake orgasms! All you will do is make him think that what he is doing is perfect and nothing will ever get better. Why should it? He thinks that he is DA MAN and when later you tell him it was all a farce how is he going to feel?

Unless he is REALLY tiny (4 inches or less) this is not likely to be the cause. Don't buy into this crap from guys online telling you that they are 8-11 inches long. About 90% of guys are 5-6.5 inches long and practically all the rest are from 4.5-7.5. Anything over 7.5 is very rare without some kind of surgical intervention.

You need to learn your body and so does he. I am a little envious of you guys - to dream about going back to this point in our lives and "explore" is something we all sometimes dream about.

In short: if you dump him over this you are a fool on a neverending quest for something you will never find.

Answer 3

There are many reasons why you may not get an orgasm. Your husband may not be "well endowed," but has fingers, hands and a tongue right? There are may ways to make a woman reach an orgasm than just with a penis. If you love him so much and he is such a great guy then do something about it, don't lose your husband. Go talk to a sex therapist (you alone first) and see what she/he recommends. In addtion, have you seend an OBGYN to rule something out "down there?" You cannot go on like this for ever!

Answer 4

It's not his size that's the problem. The fact you have had only one guy, and that's a great thing by the way, could be why. You have to get comfortable with your own body and know what really turns you on. Then you have to talk with your husband about it. Good foreplay can bring on the best orgasms during sex. Also, try different positions. Just spend time together experimenting different things. Believe me, it will work out.

Answer 5

Oh, it sounds like your husband needs some good instructional sex books, and he needs to get over the size thing... if lesbians can satisfy each other, there is no reason for a man of any size to be all insecure and whiny about it... obviously when there is a will, there is a way, lol...
Listen girlfriend, you have got to be honest with him about the whole sex/orgasm issue with him.Faking it and not discussing your needs is not fair to him or you! First, remember that you deserve to have a healthy, satisfying sex life and to do that you need to have open communication. If you are having sex, then you need to be able to talk about it as well!

Here is a link to Sue Johanson's Talk sex site. You might want to check out the reading materials bit. I have also heard some buzz about the book "She comes first" , but can't personally recc. it yet, lol! . I am sure if you order one today, it will arrive for Xmas. Good luck, please consider being proactive about your sexual health and explore your options before getting divorced over something so fixable! - dd

http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html

Answer 6

hey not everyone get orgasm..... And you should try to search online at health web sites...or have him go down on you for sometime.. that maybe would help... and do not lie to them because it would hurt they feeling.. just tell him the true... and if you love this person you should stay with them.. and like you said sex is not thing is the love part.. You can not separate because you do not have orgasm.. IF there people think hey i do not have orgasm i am going to leave my husband or my boyfriend.. and if marriage already... then there would be a lot of divorce because people woman doesn't get orgasm...

Answer 7

girl stay with ya mind.when you finally do *** all you gonna say is that was great but now what.can an orgasm replace the value of a good husband.as a matter of fact some dude just asked that.ladies go read "self_leo24" question.sex isnt everything but when youre a virgin(u a virgin basically) u dont know so u get curious.personally if u try oral sex,manually(hands).if u still cant *** then its probaly u not him.and for the love of god please stop FAKING IT!!!!!!!!how u gonna leave him or cheat or criticize when he doesnt even know he's not doing good.dont spare his feelings cause later on you gonna destroy them anyway when u decide he aint good enough.good luck

Answer 8

You would seriously consider leaving your husband because you don't orgasm?!

Honey, great sex has nothing to do with size but everything to do with communication, openness and technique. It sounds like you expect him to do all the work. If you just lie there and expect things to happen, they won't. Learn what gets you off and show him. Not all women orgasm by penetration only. Oral sex and mutual masturbation can be absolutely mindblowing.

Answer 9

My question to you will be do you know how to give yourself an orgasm? If not, take some time alone to learn your body find out how to please yourself so that you can teach him.
Show him how to use his fingers to and tongue to turn you on.
The more skills he has the less he will be worried about his size.

P.S. He probably knows that you are faking which will make him even more insecure. So be honest with him and tell him what you like.

Answer 10

I am having a similar problem with my wife. I am not getting satisfied. I'll say, you should talk to him mention new sexual positions, fore-play, and maybe even toys. It will only lead to resentment and possible infidelity. Try this- the next time you 2 have sex try rubbing your clit with your fingertip it will definitely help the both of u. NOTE: he may finish faster because it feels so good. Try and see.