How many years would it take.....?

Question

First of all one of the reasons why I am scared of marriage is that the guy I marry would turn into a ferocious beast and physically or emotionally abuse the life out of me. I've had relatives and friends in that situation.

So how many years should I date this guy or be friends then date to really fully know who he is so that I am absolutely certain he won't abuse me or the kids if we ever have any?

I'm single and got a lot of growth and maturity to do. I'm only 22 even though a lot of women that age are getting married.

Answer 1

Your only 22 sweetie. Live a little, you shouldn't feel like you have to marry anytime soon maybe 30's. You sound really intelligent so work on blooming into a wise young lady. If you see troubles in the people who surround you find, model and question those people whom seem to have success. Lets be the generation that makes a difference instead of continuing the misery of broken promises and making our children pay for bad choices we make!

Answer 2

I would give it about 3 or more years, so that you can really get to know the person first, abusive men do not wait until they are married they will show their true colors beforehand. I have been married 24 years now and my husband has never been abusive in any way, it probably isn't as common as you think it is. Just take your time and get to know the real guy. Many women wait until they are in their 30's and 40's before they get married, I don't think too many are getting married so young anymore.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have a lot of trust issues and probably have not had good role models for relationships. You will just have to learn to trust your gut. You have probably heard about the red flags, and any woman that has been in a bad marriage will tell you they saw them, but chose to ignore them. There is no guarantee for any marriage, but we must be choosy, and there are good guys and bad guys. You must be able to see the big picture with all of them and weed out the bad ones. Until you think you have developed that gut instinct then marriage is not for you. Some women don't develop this until they are in their 30's and have made a lot of mistakes. Good Luck!

Answer 4

You could go to pre-martial couseling with a preacher from your church or with whomever you choose.Not every man is a beast but the majority of them are selfish, some more than others but hey our Mothers let that happen and I speak from experience. I wish I had taught my two sons more about the female anatomy and now I can see it shining through in their relationships. Maybe just being a male is a hard job???? Females are more sensitive and men know that which isn't good for us women.

Answer 5

if i had to go back and do things over i never would of gotten married for the reasons i did. i would take my time and truly get to know the person first and be certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was the one for me. because now 13 years later i am regretting every day my own choices. i am thankful for my kids but thats the only good thing that came of us. so wait a long long time and be positive because that way he cant surprise you.

Answer 6

My wifes sister was with a guy for 4 years and he never touched her. They had a baby and the abuse started.How does he treat the waitress when you go out? Watch for things like that and you might be able to tell.If he treats someone serving him like crap then he'll probably treat you like crap later on.

Answer 7

Never date a man too long
he will loose the taste

understand a man better
make him understand U
and U understand him

marriage is and understanding
without U there is no understanding...

Answer 8

There are no guarantees, but 3 yrs is my recommendation. Maybe live together the last year.