If my husband were cheating...?

Question

would I know? Are there any signs or things to watch out for? What should I be looking for?

Answer 1

1***** Go with your intuition. If he can't have a conversation with her when you're there, there's more going on than just conversation when they are together.

2***** Texting may not be considered cheating, but it can definately lead someone to start. It's easy, it's very discreet, deletable and the spouse is none the wiser...unless they slip!

Other signs of infidelity are these...
dressing better
showering more often
wearing more cologne
always late coming home
going out more than usual
accusing you
and not giving you any more than they have too
hiding cell phone, immediately turning it off when home
hiding computer screen (online chat, email)

It hurts, because he is cheating. Maybe not physically, but in his mind he wants too. You both need to sit down and talk openly and honestly. You know that he doesn't want you to leave if he "makes it up to you", but you are being weak, by letting him do it to you.

Put your foot down. 18 years of marriage is hard to waste, but do you really like the way you are feeling? Put a stop to it, even if you have to stay at a relatives for a few days to let him know you mean business. Be Strong. Then it won't hurt so much, knowing you did something about it!

3***** First of all, you must have a good man, because he told you that he was having problems. If he didn't want you and couldn't resist why would he tell you? He is telling you this because he wants something to change and wants you to know what is going on. My husband told me once that he was looking at other women, which killed me, and he told me that we need to have sex more often so that he wouldn't have thoughts like that. I told my mother and she basically said, "It's better for him to tell you than to just run out and do things, he told you so you could work on it together." All I can say is that you need to keep in constant contact with him, calling him and just talking, Not to harass, but just to give him the closeness he is obviously deprived from. You should not be that far away from each other if you can help it. Assure him that you admire him for his hard work, that you can't wait to be with him, and remind him of just why you married him.

Answer 2

Your question is sad because it indicates you're not sure you can trust your husband. I didn't know when my husband cheated because I did trust him and I didn't give a thought to the fact that he might not be worthy of that trust. When I learned how wrong I was it was so painful so I would tell you to be more watchful than I was. Are there blocks of time when he has the opportunity? Does he account for where he's been/what he's been doing and does it seem credible? Has he changed his routine/his grooming habits/his attitude toward you? Does he get defensive if you ask him a question or two about his activities? Has he been paying you more (OR LESS) attention? Has he changed friends? Hobbies? Look for anything different.
And finally, let me tell you that if I had it to do over, I'd still choose to trust him (his unworthiness was his problem, not mine!) If I had been looking for signs, it might have negatively affected the way I felt about him and there was time enough for that when the truth hit me in the face.

Answer 3

I love the response above mine!

First, if you suspect something, it might be true. Not always, but I think women's intuition is strong. It is sad that it happens so often, but it seems to be a sign of the times.

I think it is different for every situation. I only have my experience and those of several (unfortunately!!!) friends.
In hindsight, ALL of us knew.

I don't have a laundry list, just my story:

I think we should publish an article someday. We all can read the "signs" of a cheating spouse online, but in truth they seem a little dated. With email, laptops, wireless internet, cell phones etc, it is so easy to hide with anything. And cheating does not necessarily mean having a full blown relationship with someone else. In my case he was seeing her once in a while; she was fine with it. It was still cheating. It meant he did not honor me.

I caught him by having a friend follow him after work. He always got home just a little later one day of the week. That was after I had found emails and he denied they meant anything, although getting work emails on a home account seemed odd to me. Then, they stopped. He insisted she was just a woman at work who flirted with him and that it was harmless. I was never a snoop, but I just had GUT feelings. Sex never changed between us, he was never home late, never smelled or dressed differently, didn't get secret calls. His friends never said anything, then again I don't think guys would. He was very intelligent and very crafty I guess, knew what I would look for and avoided those things.

The only sign I recall is that I felt like he was trying too hard when we were together, especially after I initialy mentioned my suspicions. He always insisted I had to trust him too. I guess he thought because it was infrequent that it was not cheating! The more suspicious I felt, the more I felt dirty (soiled like) when we were intimate.

In hindsight, I asked him to marry me, not the other way around. I know that him cheating is not my fault. You cannot push someone to cheat unless they want to do it. But I am old enough to realize that he might not have been ready for marriage. We were only mid-20's, and just starting careers. He was also younger than me.

Of course you can always hire a PI, but a good one is expensive (I could not afford it).

I guess you have to ask yourself how much physical proof you need. Obviously because something appears to trouble you, you already have uneasy feelings. I would love to be positive and say the two of you can work things out, but even if you forgive him (I did the first time I found out he cheated with someone else), does not mean he will not wait a bit and then go back to his old ways. I was suspicious for a long time of other men. Very recently I have met someone, and it is amazing how different it is when you know someone is truthful with you...the only gut feelings are butterflies of excitement!

God Bless you my dear.

Answer 4

There are lots of clues to tip people off, he may display one or some or even none, but for example:

He no longer wants sex as often or, if you want it, begs off saying he's too tired. (Though this is not in all relationships. In some, he's regularly banging the wife while also doing the girlfriend.)

He suddenly starts working late when he never worked late before. Or he's suddenly spending more time with his buddies when he didn't do it before... and he's dressed kind of nice for a guy just going to a sports bar with his pals.

He's always taking showers and maybe even now using cologne when he wasn't taking so many showers before. He's getting haircuts more often, dressing better, trying to look good like he's trying to impress someone (not the wife).

He won't let you see his cell phone bill. He is on the computer a lot and won't let you see his emails. He is suddenly using the text message feature of his cell phone when he never used it before. He doesn't answer the cell when you call him and, then, if you ask him about it he either gets defensive or gives a lame excuse like "I put it on vibrate and forgot to change it back to a ringtone so I didn't hear it" or "the battery was running low so I just turned it off." No, he was with her!

He's got his own credit card now and you can't see the charges on it, he keeps the statement to himself, maybe even mailed to him at work.

Oh, there's lots of stuff that might be a clue...

Answer 5

Watch out for a change in pattern and routine. Has his desire to have sex with you regressed? Is he making negative comments about your appearance and body? Does he want to go out more, but without you? Is he edgy and defensive? Does his phone ring but he won't answer it in front of you or goes to another room to answer it? Always claim to be tired when you want "some" or gives it to you like it's a dirty job but his responsibility? If you've answered yes to more than two of these, you have a cheating husband sister.

Answer 6

If you find girls' #'s in his pockets or on his cell phone, text messages on his cell phone.. if he comes home smelling like perfume, or worse smells like sex, lipstick anywhere on him or his clothing, when he says he's "working late" and comes home at late and odd hours, when women call your house asking for him.. if you find any women's items in his car, etc... he might also not want to do it with you as much, or act a little funny around you, standoffish
But don't obsess and go looking for all these things, because he may be innocent- but in my experience (watch the Maury show!) if you are suspecting it in the first place it might be true
A cheater isn't too hard to figure out
Good luck to ya :}

Answer 7

there are plenty signs...
if he comes home at late hours
if he comes in the house and go straight to the shower
if he continously dont answer your phone calls when hes out.
if he lies constantly
if he doesnt want to have sex with you within a month...

these are just some of the signs if he's cheating, from what i experienced.

Answer 8

look at when he answers the phone, does it seem like a regular conversation? Does he give the yes and no answers only? If he constatly comes home later than usual, and he isn't where he says he was. If suddenly he don't leaves certain things laying around like his wallet, pants and cellular phone! Chic women have a 6th sense USE IT!!!

Answer 9

first of all you should think positive about your husband.(you married him hello you suppose to trust him) But if you think you should smell him. he may smell different than he did when he left the house. Maybe any marks in his neck and if he has any marks that you didn't do ask him how did he get it. The last thing is if he changes with you. maybe he starts being rude to you lately and he never act like that. But before you accuse him make sure you got proof!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

If you have to ask, this doesn't say much for your relationship. I have some friends, that even if a mob of people made a such an allegation, they would know that it was false, because this particular man is so decent and trustworthy.

It would be such a non-issue for his wife, that the thought would never enter into her mind.