My husband and I have known each other for over 3 years, we've been married 6 months. We met online. We chatted for over 2 months before we met in person. When we first started dating seriously I assumed he stopped communicating with other women online. Wrong! There is at least one women that he would email back and forth, send pictures back and forth and talk sexual to. I confronted him once when I found an email. He said it wouldn't happen again. Then just yesterday I was looking at his old cell phone to find an address of a friend and found some text messages from the same women. They were only a month old and its been several months before when I confronted him the first time. He says he is sorry and feels really bad for hurting me, but I just don't know if I can trust him. I know he loves me, but why isn't that enough? I'm so confused!
2006-12-13 01:33:39 · 20 answers · asked by Ang 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also met my husband online, and like you I have been married for six months. We lived together for a year prior to getting married. We are doing great at this moment, however initially it was a different story. We moved in together after he proposed. I would occasionally walk in on him closing out his email. Then one day he only minimized it and forgot about it.....because we women are so anxious and worry about cheaters...I checked the minimized window. There was an email from someone he met online about the same time he met me, and he was still chatting with her.
I was pissed!!!! I told him to email her right there and then and inform her you are engaged and you wish to no longer have contact with her...he was angry with me ...only because i caught him....he did do as I had asked...changed his email address and bought a new computer.....(new computer was overboard) I had also seen photos of other women his friend would send him.....I stopped that crap to. I told him, look if you want to marry me this childish behavior has to stop...and if you are too weak of a man that I am not good enough for you...then I will leave. I was serious. I did not need to have to worry about that going into a marriage. Marriage is hard enough with feeling like you are competing for his attention all the time with internet women.
I hate to say it...he needs an ultimatem. You or them. He needs to be a man about it also. Since that explosive day it has been great...and we have both given our passwords to our email accounts etc.....even our work email passwords....if he has nothing to hide then he will gladly do this for you....and if he says something to the effect of...I need my privacy.....bullcrap...you are his wife.....no secrets.
I wish you the very best...but you have to put a stop to this now or it will only get worse. Also remember him saying he is sorry......that too only goes so far....(its only a word unless it is followed by some type of action)....if he meant he was truly sorry then he would stop.
You will always be on your gaurd now...but if does stop....then you will begin to relax alittle and enjoy the marriage.
PS: CONTACT HER YOURSELF
2006-12-13 01:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by samantha H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not enough for him to "just love you." If that were the case, then many more marriages would succeed. And I do not think that you can trust him right now, so stop trying. He has lied to you and has cheated, at least emotionally. He should not be communicating like this with other women. I know how you feel. My ex husband did this same thing. I eventually left him because he eventually had an affair with one of these women whom he had been talking to online. Stop trying to make excuses for him and realize that you may be married to a liar and a cheater. In that case, you will just have to decide if you can live like that. I know I couldn't.
2006-12-13 02:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine was the same...lying about porn and hiding it instead of chatting with other women. And the porn he was looking at wasn't even legal. Anyway, he told me 4 times AFTER the first time I caught him, he'd never do it again. Guess what, not only is he still doing it, he has a password on all his stuff so I can't check behind him. Doesn't' matter anyway, since I am filing for divorce. After that many lies and broken promises, the trust can never be regained. Even if I did stay, I will ALWAYS wonder what he is doing when he gets on the computer...especially with it password protected. He loves me, too. But love is about trust, honesty, respect and communication (with you...not other women). Without those, there is nothing.
2006-12-13 01:41:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would circumnavigate your husband and e-mail this woman yourself. That way for your own piece of mind you know it has been done and he just isn't telling you that it has been done. I know trusting his word will be hard enough.
I would tell her directly that he is married now and you don't really appreciate her contacting your husband.
Then I would tell him to get a new phone number, new e-mail and to cut all ties with all woman other than women you know and that are friends of yours (collective). That way you know in the future if this is THEM contacting him or HIM being an active participant. If they don't know the new info then he would be the only one to give it to them. Which means it would be ongoing.
If he is unwilling to do any of this and make excuses for why he "can't" then I would tell him all the reasons that you "can't" condone it and that you "can't" continue to be in this marriage.
Having sexual conversations with anyone, for any reason, by any means, other than your spouse is cheating in my book.
Having a "friend" that you don't feel comfortable telling your spouse about is almost always a warning sign that there is something no good about the friendship.
2006-12-13 01:44:02 · answer #4 · answered by snippers72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl ,I have been there , The thing is if there is no trust theres no marriage. If he loves you he will stop. People these days just have no family morals anymore. Women and men online talk and find comfort in talking to each other , They may not have wrong intentions but family members end up getting hurt. Good Luck !
2006-12-13 01:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by ROCKYTOPLOVER_2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he's doing is form of cheating whether the relationship with the other woman has gotten physical or not. Your married 6 months and he's already cheating? What's he going to be doing after 10 years and there is much less of a spark between you two. I say get the marriage annulled and move on.
2006-12-13 01:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes men can be pigs and this is why I am reluctant on getting married. It's something legal and binding, I mean there is divorce but I don't really believe in it. I'm getting married in two weeks to a man I met online. Just sit down and talk to him, thats what I did with my soon to be hubby. Hypothetically tell him to put the shoe on his foot and ask him how it would feel if you were doing that. I mean if he continues #1 who knows where it could lead and #2 your marriage doesn't mean anything to him.
2006-12-13 01:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were you, i'll insist that he make a clean cut else i walk out. There is no way any women can tolerate this. I found my husband texting a colleague with caring messages and i am still observing. Will confront him once i have sufficient evidence. No point saying he loves me while doing s'thing else. I chose to rule with my head.
2006-12-13 01:43:33 · answer #8 · answered by rest_relax_forever 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bet is that this other woman is an ego boost for him. He's probably not going to cheat on you with her, but texting and talking to her makes him feel better about himself somehow. Maybe she makes him feel like he's sexy and desirable. Maybe she makes him feel smart and funny. Whatever it is, she is fulfilling something that you aren't.
Talk to him about why he likes to talk to her. Find out why he feels the need to have her in his life. Whatever it is he is getting from her, you need to know so that you can either replace her by doing it yourself, or find a happy compromise where he can keep his "friend" without hurting your feelings with the sexual comments and picture sharing.
2006-12-13 01:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously being less than honest. and she may not even be aware of the fact that he is married. I would sit with him at the computer while he tells her it is over and he is now married and off limits. And that should be the end of it. It he refuses to stop with his behaviors then you know what you have to do, move on. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-13 01:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋