My parents were trying to find a suitable bride for me since about six years and because of my horoscope they were unable to finalise one. Because of this reason both my parents who are elderly citizens were very anxious and my dad (because he loves me so much) had got in to depression and had to take treatment from a psychiatrist to get over it .
When this proposal had come to us our parents changed my birth date in my horoscope so as to make it compatible to her horoscope and also to reduce my age by 2 years to conceal the wide age difference (she is 21 n I’m 31) and informed me about this a few days before engagement.
Yesterday when I was conversing with my fiancé over the phone I had to lie to her about my birth date. I have started feeling guilty. I want to tell her the truth but what if it doesn’t remain between us and their folk start questioning my parents about this? It will certainly be very embarrassing to my parents. And more over it is like back stabbing my parents if I spill the beans now. I am not a person of deceiving character. I do not want to mislead my fiancé. I do not want her to think of me as a hypocrite and look down on me throughout the rest of our life to gather. Kindly help me out of this situation.
2006-12-13 01:15:46 · 23 answers · asked by prithvi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your life is yours... If telling truth will make you happy tell it and then... all your family and sure your dad will be happy....
2006-12-13 01:29:29 · answer #1 · answered by simplegirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your people have already committed a mistake. Relationships based on lies do not go far. It seems you are an indian and Indian girls are very adjustable.If you are really sorry, she will sense your feeling of regret and if she is inposition to take decisions, she will forgive you. If the decision makers are her parents , then you can wait and keep your fingers crossed.
In any case(if you tell now or later) you will have to pay for your lie.
You and your integrity are at stake.
What i would suggest is, first understand your fiance well and this will help u in deciding when should you disclose the truth to her.
Even my fiance lied to me about his age and DOB, but disclosed the fact before engagement and i forgave him, though i had felt bad .
Just remember for future.....Honesty and truth are the two strong basis on which the marriage stands for ever.
Wish you all the best.
2006-12-13 17:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by simon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U sound like an educated man, where the heck r u from? These days and ages fixed marriages r out of fashion except in India where the world is still backward. Live in this day and age and put ur pants on correctly and fess up to ur girl if she LOVES u which is why u should be getting married instead of plsing ur and her parents, then she shouldn't mind ur age difference. But if u conceal this from her u'll conceal other things and it will get easier and less guilty to do. If u r so moralistic do the right thing and ease ur conscious.
2006-12-13 01:36:34 · answer #3 · answered by papabeartex 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is an arranged marriage which it sounds like it is, there are more people involved than just you and your fiance. I think people are going to talk and eventually the truth will come out.
You would be better off telling the truth now, at least to your fiance and trying to avoid what may become a family feud later on.
It may not bother her and she may be able to smooth things over with her parents and family.
Most times people are not angry about the lie, they are angry that they had to find it out on there own and the "liar" didn't come forward to right the wrong.
Best of Luck whatever you decide to do.
2006-12-13 01:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by snippers72 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At this point in time I would stand by your family. Stand by your parents. And, then explain to her later, what happened. It sounds like it is somewhat of an arranged situation? If that is the case, then she will understand eventually that you had to be loyal to your parents. Otherwise, you should tell her now, and risk standing up for what you want. Then, you might want to take a stand, and find a bride on your own terms! Which, by the sounds of things, isnt what you want. Does it really matter what your age, and date of birth are? It does sound as if there is a lot of ritual here. And, if so, your bride may also be accustomed to ritual. Find out how deep her customs go, she might be upset, or she may not care, depending on the value she puts in such trival things. And, if this backfires, dont worry, it isnt your fault. You will always know that you were trying to do the right thing by your parents!
2006-12-13 01:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by thelaundryfairy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your parents before you tell the truth, at least they will be prepare for the consequences if there will be any. No matter what you must tell the truth. That is not the right way to start marriage even if means to loose your fiancee. The truth will come out later on and your wife will have no respect for you,neither her family. You must tell the truth.
2006-12-14 06:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by bbluckylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Prithvi,
In a relationship, what matters is the trust and not the date of birth. Tell her the truth and if this relationship is based on understanding and emotions you will be able to communicate in future with each with a better transparancy and trust. If you dont tell her now and if she comes to know by other means (which she will of course coz she is going to be your life partner) be prepared to be looked at with doubt for the rest of your life.
2006-12-13 05:24:38 · answer #7 · answered by rachanna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all I can say is how can you stand and say vows to another person to love them and be faithful and true all of your lives when this is based on a lie.....if a birthdate is so important in your culture to picking out a partner for marriage then this is probably a huge betrayal on your part and your parents....would it not be better for the truth to come out now than later....believe me no matter how long you think you are maintaining a lie....eventually a lie is revealed and I am sure the hurt for your bride to be will be far more devastating in months or years to come than the truth being told now....
2006-12-13 01:28:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your parents are batty. Relying on horoscopes for marriage? How about being an adult and making your own decisions. You should take responsibility for the actions and suffer whatever consequences come about. Cut those apron strings and be a big boy now.
2006-12-13 01:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her before you get in the relationship too long.
Firstly, tell your parents that you have to tell her because your conscience cannot handle it otherwise. If they disagree on telling their parents or your fiancé, you will have to convince them that you cannot live a lie.
Secondly, after approval of your parents and their knowledge of your confession, inform your fiancé.
Thirdly, after informing your fiancé, inform the parents of your fiancé together WITH your fiancé. You gain credibility that way instead of telling them alone.
Lastly it will all work out for the better, your conscience will be free and maybe you can still get married to her regardless of your date of birth. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-13 01:20:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lying, in any way, shape or form is never good. You must be honest with her about your age. It's not a huge deal but she needs to know the truth. I think marriage should be based on love and compatibility - not arranged. Good luck :)
2006-12-13 01:29:05 · answer #11 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋