My husband left me after I found text messages on his phone from another woman who is after him. He says nothing has happened yet, but he is confused & doesn't know if he still wants to be with me. We have a two year old daugther & I am devasted that he has walked out on his family. Who else knows what I am going through? I can't talk to friends or family, I'm not ready to tell anyone yet & don't know how to.
2006-12-12 22:40:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
(((((((hug))))))))) ... take a deep breath ... cuddle your daughter to you.... you both will get through this .. he is a CAD for doing this so close to Christmas ...
you can start by letting ALL the family know .. you did nothing wrong after all ..he is the one with the mental problem ...your family and his if they are worth their salt will rally behind you ..
If you need help right away call your local church and tell them what happened they will make sure you have enough food , warm clothes for you and the baby and something for her Christmas
You have the little one to think about ..dont lose the plot ....
I do wish you all the best
2006-12-12 22:48:46 · answer #1 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Know that it will be tough but you can survive. You will go through a lot of grief. The emotional stuff will just have to work through you. There is no way to avoid the grief and pain.
I am married and have a 2 year old boy. My wife and I sometimes fight. I have considered divorce but I try to work it out. I certainly would not walk out on my son. There is a right way to do it. Then there the way of avoidance.
There is a good chance that by the time you have begun to accept that he is gone and made some good decisions for yourself, he will come knocking again, saying he made a mistake. You will want to believe him because he is the father of your child. Chances are this is just a phase and he will cheat again. He doesn't sound very commited.
Are you embarrased about calling your family? Well if that is it, get over it. Family is your foundation. You need them. Get some moral support from them ASAP.
Get in touch with social welfare agencies if you need financial support. Call a lawyer and start the process of getting child support.
2006-12-13 07:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jack P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had it happen to me with four children and now it is coming up to two years since. The why is a very nagging thought and you are not likely to sleep much in the next few days so see a doctor about some sleeping pills. That sinking feeling in your stomach will be there for at least a week and telling people will not be much fun because they will stay away as it makes them uncomfortable. Things you should do though...Find you phone bill and scan the numbers to piece it together.. how long it's been going on - play detective a bit and it will stop you going mad. My heart goes out to you - this happened to me Feb 9 2005 and it still hurts but it's much better now than it was that night...Get a woman friend over if you can - you need support.
2006-12-13 06:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor darling, don't worry about your pride, call a friend or a family member you are closest to and talk cry, scream what ever you want to do. You must be so scared and confused and i know you must be feeling like your knee's are jelly at the moment. You need support right now!! You will be fine in time but you have a hard painful road ahead for a bit. So don't try to do it all by your self. Take care of your daughter, kids sence things. Good Luck!! One more thing!! let him think but i bet one thing he has been with this girl. Don't give him the chance to do it to you again.
2006-12-13 06:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that, Terrible thing to do right before the hoildays..I have been there, Its certainly not a fun thing to go thru..It hurts like hell, Emotionally and Physcially..But you have a 2 year old daughter who needs you, Stay strong for her..Please talk to someone a family member or close friend..Your husband is a selfish man, only looking out for himself, Someday probably sooner than later, he'll come to his senses. If you'd like to you can e-mail me..Please take care of youself, and your beautiful little girl..She's what life is all about..
Remember you are a good person, you did not deserve this,and with time it will get better..Good Luck
2006-12-13 07:10:43 · answer #5 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The communications you are doing online should really be done with your husband. Maybe you and he have had that break down of communications---and have just plain lost the loving feeling.
You are experiencing PITY PARTY syndrome right now. YOU need to be strong and open your heart and mind to the fact your husband has gone to what he thinks are the greener pastures. He's not using the brain in his head and he's letting the head of his penis do his thinking for him. AS you know Penis heads don't have a brain but it thinks it does!!!
I would say go on about your life like nothing is wrong. Start focusing on what you do have and that is your 2 yr old daughter. Make plans for yourself to focus on your work, your child, and everything else will fall into place for you.
I wouldn't rush right down to the nearest court house and file for divorce but I wouldn't rush into your husbands open arms either.
Seek out a counselor , your minister, or a third party that can listen to you pour your heart out. Use them to help yourself talk things out and settle things in your own mind. God will give you the answers you seek!
2006-12-13 06:50:03 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes i went through it 3 years ago, i was devistated. know that u can't get over this by yourself, u need a support system, someone to talk to. anyway if he doesn't know what he wants, the relationship is advanced alot more than he is telling you. we can't make someone stay if they don't want to, sure u feel as if this other woman has stolen something from u, and she has, but your husband could not have been stolen had he not agreed to it. if he doesn't know than he has been seeing her for awhile, and u just didn't pick up on it. takes awhile to feel better, but don't beg him, or try to talk sense to him, as he will not hear you. just take care of your child, and know that your marriage will never be the same as it was. if he could be taken away so easily and his feeling swayed so quickly than is he rally worth waiting on. sometimes men do walk out on their loved ones, this is a character flaw, a problem within themselves, not your falt at all. this was his choice and u just have to look at the true facts, based on his behavior. i do think he has been seeing her awhile, no matter what he says. i don't believe nothing happened between them, as this looks like a full blown relationship, a man just doesn't leave his wife, for someone that nothing has gone on yet.
2006-12-13 12:28:18 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number 1, you have been blessed with a beautiful daughter. She needs you to be strong for her... If he says he doesn't know if he wants to be with you chances are hes not coming back. I know what it feels like, I had 3 kids then, now I am divorced , remarried and have another child. and looking back I wish it happened earlier. PLEASE, tell someone.. you will be surprised at how much better it feels..If not friends or family, a counsellor.
There is a tomorrow after today, Be STRONG, and thank god everyday for that little girl that will give you the strength.. Take Care...and at worst try TRY not to let him know how much he has hurt you....
2006-12-13 06:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, I feel for you. Talk to SOMEONE about it. Someone who can be objective and help you get through this. Your not alone and you will survive this. It doesn't feel like it, buit you will. I almost feel sorry for your husband when you work through the hurt stage and get into the anger stage. He's lying about "nothing happening between him and this other woman" part. He wouldn't leave unless he had someone waiting for him. For your part start thinking child support and alimony(if your a stay at home mom). Hang in there ok? Remember revenge is a dish best served cold.
2006-12-13 06:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. Only mine was abusive for 21 yrs. And I almost died. You deserve to be loved and so does your baby. I have 4. And because I tried to stay with the man, I have messed up my kids. Be cautious with you Daughter. My Ex tried to take mine away from me, if not in body then in mind. I just got married 2 weeks ago to the most Special Man. But now my girls are mad because they didn't want me to marry. I'm still crying and I should be happy. I would love to talk to you anytime.
You have my prayers
Please just let the man go and love that little girl with all your might. Mine is 17 and has been allowed to be with her sister for 2 yrs and then dumped back in my lap. She hates me for re-marring and I should not have to be treated like a child by my girls all 17, 20, and 22. Now a baby brother in left again and its my fault. He is only 11. He has not seen his Daddy in 2 yrs. Now since I got married he came back to tear my family apart again. After not caring for them since 2004.
My prayers are with you to make the right choices.
God can see you through, I'm still standing but by a thread.
Cathy Bland
2006-12-13 16:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by cathybland2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋