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have a 15yr friendship with v good friend who's celebrating their birthday again in a restaurant (have a grudge about paying for myself, sorry, but this make me wince whenever i get asked. had very bad expensive BD dinner from her when she first did this!) and this time ican't afford to go,even tho' i made half-hearted gestures about agreeing to it.i'm already having money probs to pay for my family's kids Xmas pressies,let alone paying for a £20+ meal
feeling guilty that she's only inviting one other good friend to come along,as well as her partner for this dinner.altho there are less 'strong' friends to call upon,i feel i 'owe' her my presence there. i can bake her a cake as recompense for my cancellation as i know she'll appreciate someone's gone thru the effort of making one(she's also loved baking cakes for ppl but they're never reciprocated).btw, we've only just made up after a v.bad patch in April(i didn;t speak for 4mths on my part,+slowly we gettin back to our ole selves)

2006-12-12 22:37:08 · 16 answers · asked by pinkskyinthecity 2 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

the bad patch i had with her was to do with her taking advantage of my generosity on a holiday i had with her.i paid for her lots of times as she doesn't work.now,i lost my job recently + i'm ecrruing debts as time has gone by. i left the friendship as i thought i was treated/used badly,+ it was not until she called me 6weeks ago to try +make it up to me.we've not spoken about it since that initial call.gradually,we're reclaiming the f/ship from what we had, but it's gonna take time.
i had already asked her at the start (by way of not buying her a pressie) that i'll cook her a birthday meal,but she turned it down as she wanted to celebrate it outside the home.she knows i'm under pressure so she can't be too begrudging of me for not turning up.the presents i'm buying are for my sisters' kids whom i will only see during the hols as they live too far away.usually they've always have had their presents sent to them by myself.also have my own daughter's pressie to buy2 but am dreading!!

2006-12-12 23:13:28 · update #1

16 answers

geez if you cant afford to go then just tell her! A true friend will understand this! I wouldnt phrase it like you've done here though as it sounds a bit mean. Just tell her that you're in a bit of financial difficulty and you really cant afford to have added expenditure with christmas around the corner. I would offer that you do dinner in the new year when you have a bit more spare cash though.
your cake sounds like a nice gesture also - why not ask her around for a cuppa along with a slice of cake and have a private little birthday celebration. xx

2006-12-12 23:04:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

I think you should make the effort to go after all, you did say you have just made up after a bad patch.

At the restaurant you could eat light, saying you have a feast waiting at an inlaws and you dont want to upset them by not sampling their wares (or feign a sleight tummy bug).

As for pressies for others, well i'm sure they dont all call at once and maybe a couple of them would wait till the boxing day sales? You could always feign the sickness there too and say you'll "pop up" another day"...it should buy you some time and the beauty being your friend will appreciate your efforts to "eat something" and your family may get a more expensive pressie from the sales. Plus you will get a bit of pampering for being poorly.

im sure it will all work out. Merry Christmas. x

2006-12-12 22:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by TrevnDi 3 · 0 0

A tough one but a friend should understnad if you can't afford it. To be honest if there is a friend I wish to include in a celebration and I have a feeling they may not be able to afford a lot I try to take that into consideration at the planning stage! A meal at home can be just a nice and a lot cheaper and it avoids this sort of embarassment. I would hate to do that to a friend! Remember that your family is important too though.

Tell her the truth, honesty is increbudly valuable in a friendship!

2006-12-12 22:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by ehc11 5 · 1 0

I agree with "and so" if you don't want to bring this up to her, be sick.

If you feel confortable talking to her, than suggest a cheaper place or just invite her to your house, a park or something that's cheaper than the restaurant she is inviting you too.

If you don't think it will work and think not going might ruin your relationship, than I suggest borrowing a little money and going, and in the next month, cutting down on a few luxury items and paying off the loan.

Either way, you'll figure something out. I remember once when I invited my friends to a restaurant, and one of my friends was low on cash that month, I payed for his dinner and gave him some money to hold him over. But friendships with guys are mostly open and if one of us has a problem be it money, job, family or anything in between, we just talk, or joke about it and a good laugh makes everything go away...

2006-12-12 23:26:11 · answer #4 · answered by zaitsev_v1 3 · 0 0

Just tell her that you have to go see a family member for something, no sick excuse though. If it makes you feel bad, then actually visit a family member during the time, only if it doesn't cost you too much money. By doing this, you are not being 100% dishonest to your friend, right? That's better I guess and that you are short on money and your friend should really understand that you cannot come to the BD for the reason(short on money).

2006-12-12 22:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by wat~ 3 · 0 0

Explain you've not got much money but that you would like to make her birthday special as she means a lot to you. Invite her round to yours for drinks or dinner. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty if you cannot afford to go out for the meal. If she's a good friend she will understand. If she gets huffy don't give in if you can't afford to go.

2006-12-12 22:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

To be honest luv, I would just tell your friend the truth......

Explain that it is right on top of Christmas and that you still have lots of stuff to buy and money is a bit short. Tell her that you would love to have a drink or something with her at a later date and bake her that cake you spoke of.
If she is any kind of friend she will understand.
My birthday is 4 days before Christmas and me and my friends always go out to celebrate it after New Year, people just don't have the money this time of year your pal should understand!

Good luck, luv!

2006-12-12 22:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by EMA 5 · 1 0

Honesty is best. Just say that you can't afford it and offer to have your friend 'round your house for some nibbles, a drink and a catch-up. Since you have patched things up, it sounds like she is a true friend indeed and I am sure she will understand. I would feel awful if I knew a friend was in your situation and didn't say anything to me.

2006-12-12 23:00:12 · answer #8 · answered by erika 2 · 1 0

If they're a true friend they should understand and should realise this is an expensive time of year, especially if you've got kids. If she doesn't she's being selfish. Cake sounds like a nice idea... or even cook for her at some point?

2006-12-12 22:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by Miss J 2 · 2 0

Be honest and tell her that you have gone through your finances and you simply can not afford to go. If she is a good friend she should understand this, and not expect you to over stretch your limits. I know it's a hard one as you feel guilty about it but if you can't afford it then there is nothing you can do. Tell her that you would really like to go but financially you can't. Good luck I hope she understands.

2006-12-12 22:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by evs 3 · 1 0

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