For those who just want to throw insults on me please back off... I'm in a very vulnerable state and don't know what to do...
I'm married (open marriage) and have had an affair for the past year.
What started out to be sex and fun now turned into me falling in love, but not him. I'm not sure about his feelings for me, and I don't want to tell him.
Should I just stop the affair and move on, or should I tell him that I love him and continue?
2006-12-12 20:44:48 · 25 answers · asked by Didi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first thing we want to point out is that you are married already. ok so you had an affair, but it should end there. and you should not even be entertaining whatever feelings that you have for this other guy. falling in love is inevitable. especially after more than 1 year sleeping with him. stop seeing the other guy. it won't do you any good. and i'm very sure you'll be the loser in the end. try to make your marriage work. if you really can't, then leave your husband before you enter a new relationship.
2006-12-12 20:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why can't the man love you back was he married also. If you are that unhappy either take steps to fix it or leave and try to find someone who can love you the way you want. Cheating never solves anything sex is wonderful but it is not the magic cure when you are done the problems are still there. Also to be honest chances are the only reason you felt this guy was so great is because you don't live with him. You and that guy don't share any bills or problems together all you two had was a few stolen moments with no strings attached and you wanted the strings with him and he didn't funny thing is if you did get that you would have had some kind of problems with him two. Everyone has some sort of issues now and then that's life learn to deal with it.
2016-03-29 05:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd stop the affair and put all your energy into your marriage with your husband. This is because you don't want to tell the guy that you are in love with him, so you might as well stop it. If you wanted to tell the guy that you were in love with him then it would have been different.
However I think that you need to really think about what you want, do you like the fact that you have an open marriage and if the situation was reversed how would you feel if you found out that your husband was in love with someone else?
I think that you and your husband need to sit down and discuss your marriage and if its worth having an open marriage, I only say this because if you continue to have an open marriage, the chances are that you will fall in love with someone else and what happens if your lover falls in love with you as well. A situation like this wouldn't be fair on either you, your lover or your husband
2006-12-12 21:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so you're in a open marriage, which probably means that you're both "open" to other people. Of course opening yourself up that way means you opened yourself up to the possibility of falling in love. You say "not him" - you refer to your husband?
Step one, I think is to realise why this happened - the open marriage thing is a clue.
Step two, is to find out if your lover feels the same.
Step three is to determine wether, based on 1 and 2, you are going to continue with the relationship or not.
Step 4, based on the previous steps, should you be in this marriage in the first place, or are you ready for a permanent relationship, that is confined to 2 people.
I wish you luck. I know you're gonna get hammered for this one, but personally, I just wish you luck and peace. And remember, those who judge today are those who usually find themselves in the same predicament tomorrow, though they may vow "NEVER".. you see, never is a long, long time.
Take care. Mail me if you like.
2006-12-12 20:54:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're worried that it's going to have an effect on your marriage, then walk away from the affair now. If you're not going to be happy in your marriage without this person, then maybe you married the wrong one.
Maybe write out a list of pro's and con's, also speak to the affair person and see what they say. Or maybe relationship counselling could be a way forward, whatever direct you take, goodluck
2006-12-12 20:48:16 · answer #5 · answered by Heather H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, didi, you are playig with fire ... women are different than men and usually attach more significance to intimacy than most men do ... obviously, this man touches you very deeply and you are faced with a delemma. while he is apparently respectful of your womanhood and you as a person, you have early on set the groundrules to be strictly a physical relationship. both of you have in essence violated the rules for open marriage which is to not be with the same person outside of marriage ... this is a two edged sword, on the one hand, you like the safety of limited alternate partners to minimize the chance of STD's, on the other, you have spent too much time together and have become emotionally involved (not allowed in open marriage). Since your affair is based in honesty, you should maintain that honesty and tell him how you feel realizing that he may choose to end it because he may not be emotionally involved in you. If you continue while keeping your feelings secret, then you are living a lie and you will suffer the consequences of lowered self esteem. This is the main problem with the open marriage concept, it gives the illusion of mutual respect between spouses, but in reality, its just an excuse to mess aroundand be unfaithful with permission. Then when you find someone you can truly connect with, you are stuck with the reality of your situation. Now you have the fear of losing both your husband and your lover staring you in the face. I dont envy you, but if you will be honest with yourself, you will see that you dont really love your husband and if your lover leaves, you will eventually get divorced whether you tell him or not since you wont be happy with this open marriage now. Chalk this idea up as a mistake in judgement and be resolved to either divorce and find someone who truly cares for you that you can devote all your energies to, or continue to use this "open marriage" band-aid to gain the illusion of being loved by someone since your husband wil continue to explore this concept until he finds someone he'd rather be with than you. .... its just a case of " i love my classic car, but did you see that new sports model?" ..at some point, you will be traded in or garaged.
2006-12-12 21:21:07 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its quite a problem! Really! But if I were to tell you that I was in your situation maybe it would help. I am a man(and like what they say we love to cheat,right?) and ended up with a married woman. She is a TV star and quite a challenge. I ended up banging her-which to me is my trophy. She wanted more and more until I found out that she was already falling. It jolted me back to my senses. I am breaking a family apart-two families in fact-mine and hers.
Believe me I was also very happy with her and you can imagine how she felt back then. But we cannot correct a mistake by making more mistakes. I don't know about you but there were children involved.
Now on your part,maybe you are not happy with your husband. But then you are also unsure of your lover's feelings for you. So you are now in a lose-lose situation.
Stop the affair while you stll can. Fine tell him how you feel and if he tells you he loves you also will you believe and leave your husband? It is your choice to make-go to the nearest church and pray for guidance or you will not have peace for the rest of your life.
2006-12-12 21:19:28 · answer #7 · answered by wolfass 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Open marriage = oxymoron. Research the history of marriage, you will conclude that if you take out the 'open' part your problem (may not be solved but) would have been prevented. You got to solve the stink pile you made though, I dont know how, there is no rulee book whn youre not playing by the rules.
2006-12-12 22:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by gb_gti 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a big fan of open relationships, but I am going to help you with your dilemma. You say that you are married, what is wrong with your relationship with your husband that would make you fall i love with this other man? Is it something that you can work out with your husband?
I personally will tell you that you shouldn't tell this other man that you love him, if you know that he doesn't mirror your feelings. I would leave the relationship and try and make things work with your husband.
2006-12-12 20:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by Tennile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it was an open marriage then it was not a cheating afair, just a regular open marriage fling thing, usually through sex comes some type of attachment after a while, especially for a woman, time to move on and leave him be
2006-12-12 21:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋