What defines a marriage's healthy sexual life?

Question

What kind of sexual activities and the number of sexual encounters would define a healthy sex life in a marriage? I am trying to understand the decrease of the number of sexual encounters between my wife and I, and her decreasing interest in engaging in adventureous exploring as we did in past years. We have been married for sixteen years. Until a few years ago, we engaged in all sorts of sexual activity and exploration. After many exhilirating experiences and a continuous interest to find ways to enhance our sexual repertoir, today we seldom make efforts to extend our foreplay or even our encounter. She no longer has an interest to engange in any of the activities which used to bring much excitement to our sexual encounters. She states that she enjoyed that part of her past life, but that such practices conflict with her present morals. I am still trying to figure out this explanation. I feel such disinterest have influenced my disinterest in her too. I was not part of this decision.

Answer 1

Hi I do understand your frustration but I must say that healthy marriage must have Communications, Understanding, Openess and Willingness to work toward a better marriage without being Judgemental/Criticism.

I STRONGLY BELIEVED HEALTHY MARRIED COUPLES CAN NOT DO WITHOUT SEXUAL INTIMACY WHICH ARE MEAN FOR HUSBAND & WIFE. It is a form of bonding in relationalship spiritually and physically intimacy. It is mean for close communication and understanding between two becoming one. It is a mean of comfort, pleasure in emotion, physical, mental and spiritual needs. (In times of new marriage, trials, stress, anxiety, grief, old age, sharing of many...)
Nowadays many couples always have the tendence to start off with:
1. "Not to trouble the other half of your needs- try not to be so inconsiderate..." ARE U REALLY BCOZ OF THAT?
2. "May be the other is just too busy/tired.... just let it go dont mention it is ok..." BUT IS THERE SOME HIDDEN TRUTH?
3. "Anyway the other half also don't want and don't care Why should I..." etc..

Hahaa.. If u realize soon it was drifting far away without realized the true things and reasons behind it but instead bares alot of anger, wrath, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, THE BIG "I" INCREASE so much lor..
suggest find time to observe and take note of what she is doing now this season; what the things she is paying attention to or had she journey to a different direction which has something to link to it..
At the right time you can also ask her like eg.:
"Honey, I feel so rejected although you did say that such practices has certain conflicts with your present moral value. Can I know why and more about it instead of feeling not wanted by you as before? Or can we try something else that within your present moral value yet there is some excitement and close intimacy." (I bet she won't be so harsh on you if you had try to phrase it in a positive way- it ll bring closeness between you both.)

Wish you well. Stay faithful by loving her in return she ll love u back more because of how you open yourself and how you have love her. (Many at times when we don't know the real reasons behind all the things to cause them behave a certain fashion due to fearful, insecurity, unloved, abandonment etc. we would have easily understands and accept them and love them for who they are.. remember no one is perfect so am I..so are u?)
Love is a choice - one that costs! You can't love others while you're staring into a mirror or give to others while you're clinging to what you've got. Love will cost you your time, your money and your preoccupation with self. Love is the excellence way!!

Let Love be the substantance to enfold you both beautiful compliments one another.

Answer 2

I think this question is very interesting and as a Christian you know what my answer will be, but have you thought of this way? If you have sex before marriage just to try it out to know if you are compatible then you should also try these things: 1. Live with the person (do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, see if you can stand the snoringetc.) 2. Adopt a baby (or 2 or 3 - it matters how many you are planning to have) 3. Borrow a car 4. Borrow parents-in-law 5. Get the other person sick and see if you can stand the vomitting, whining, etc. 6. Praying together 7. Going for holidays 8. cheat on the person and see if he/she stays 9. Have a big fight over something stupid and see if you can handle it I could go on and on - Marriage is a blessing from God. Sleeping with the person and finding out that the chemistry is great isn't a guarantee that your relationship will last long. Trust in God and working hard to keep the love alive to me makes more sense. Faith ~

Answer 3

Each marriage's sex life is unique unto itself-it is whatever the needs of both partners are at peace with. It sounds like you need to express your frustration with your wife openly, although with age there are hormonal shifts and so you need to come to terms with it as a team.

Answer 4

Marriage is not only sex, but also understanding, love, commitments, sacrifice, forgiveness etc. Think of these things and try to put it in practice.

Answer 5

I hear that it happens to women as they get older. apparently the area around the vagina gets dry and having sexual intercourse can sometimes actually hurt the woman. Ask her if this could be the reason.

Answer 6

If she was in herr 30's she was probably at her peak. It does decrease as it gets older for some people.
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Answer 7

Bait and switch.