Pornography: HOW would you throw a virtually cheating spouse/lover out of your house?

Answer 1

Instead of throwing him out, you should find out what it is that he is looking at...and for on his virtual escapades. Assuming that what he is looking at is legal, once you find out what it is that interests him, you should find a way to compliment his interests so that his efforts become focused on you. Many men look at pornographic material that in many instances substitutes what they're not getting, or missing, in their sex lives. I am not implying that you are inadequate nor enough for him, but some times its extremely difficult for men to voice their wishes and preferences to their partners fearing rejection, prejudice or as in your case...expulsion. Find out what his interests are, see if you can find if such interests are, or can be, compatible to yours. That is also assuming that you share most interests other than sexual, and can give this guy a chance. He may have his personality defficiencies, yet do not let this one cloud the quality ones. In regards to your question...wait until he goes to work, pack his things, including the pc, put it all outside the house, change the locks and send him an email explaining why he should not try to contact you again. He'll probably be so embarrassed that you have found out about his kinks that he won't have the face to call you anyways. Good Luck.

Answer 2

It seams to me you already made up your mind,and if you consider porn to be against your morals then do what you have to.But if you are open minded and think your relationship is worth saving then your going to have to change your outlook on whats porn and whats a marriage tool you both can use. What do I mean by marriage tools? well lets see have you ever said to your spouse you would like to share in some games with him or watch a porn movie. I'm sure the answer is NO. All long term relationships need a little excitement, so get your fanny moving and join in and stop complaining.

Answer 3

Por n-gazing—whether chronic or casual—can become an explosive issue for a couple, corroding intimacy and demolishing the sexual connection. But reactions to pornography can be as varied as human desire itself, and fault is often in the eye of the beholder. For couples who already have sexual conflicts or difficulty trusting each other, por n can play a particularly destructive role. Yet in some situations, erotic material can be a healthy outlet for sexual fantasy, possibly bringing a couple closer together. Even a conflict over por n, handled constructively, can improve a relationship.

I don't know where you got the idea that viewing por n will lead to infidelity or amounts to cheating. Some people think just the opposite, that it fosters fidelity. I don't suppose I need to draw pictures for you, but most men have some kind of interest in por n. It is a fact that the male brain is particularly responsive to and stimulated by visual imagery. Males frequently use visual images as an aid to masturbation.

Some people think that any form of viewing por n is cheating or a sign of moral weakness. Many women dislike por n because it objectifies women, but your objections do not seem to arise from such classic feminist concerns others fear they can't compete with the airbrushed perfection of the por n star. And they are "absolutely right," - they can't. But not measuring up to an illusion shouldn't be cause for conflict or worry. What makes the woman in por n so erotic is not her red lips/fake breasts, but the fact that she's "crazy," she's ever ready, always willing to do anything to please a man. No real woman could or would want to be that way. Psychologically healthy men don't have much trouble distinguishing between reality and the weird world of commercial raunch. The trouble emerges, when a person "can't differentiate between fantasy and reality.

Frankly, it doesn't sound as if por n is the real problem, but rather, your fear that that your spouse/lover will be unfaithful. Por n, however, doesn't make men unfaithful; it's most often an aid to solo sex. Are you afraid your spouse/lover will find some other woman more attractive than you? Perhaps you unreasonably see every act of which you are not a part as an act of infidelity.

Why don't you address directly your concern that he might be unfaithful? That is the way good relationships are built -- by addressing concerns, not displacing them onto peripheral matters. What you really need is some sense of his actual commitment to you. For that, you need to open your eyes and observe his behavior -- how kind and considerate he is to you, how much of an investment of time he is making in the relationship, indications that he factors the relationship into future plans.

But you could also create a conversation. You would, of course, need to begin any such conversation not with a complaint about viewing por n but with a statement of how much you are growing to like him and tell him that you hope he likes you too.

As for the por n, here's one constructive way to think about it, or any other element in your life "Does his interest in po rn ever take precedence over his interest in you or in any way come at the expense of the relationship?" When it begins to substitute for a human relationship, that's when it's time to worry. But until then, forbidding anything only makes it more desirable. Yes, it does reflect insecurity to see his interest in por n as a sign of your lack of desirability.

If you really want to have a good, real relationship with your spouse/lover, you could use his interest in pornographic images as a starting point for a conversation about his sexual fantasies. When two people can conduct that kind of conversation, they have a real intimacy. You might want to know what kinds of things he likes to look at and why -- because he might have sexual interests that could be satisfied in the relationship that are not now being met. That's a very different kind of conversation than one condemning him as sneaky, one that builds trust between two people.

It may be that your friend has interests that he feels he can't share openly with you, a curiosity about what might be labeled "alternative" or "kinky" sex. Don't you want to know? Don't you want an emotionally close relationship where you feel you can confide your thoughts and interests to each other without fear of censure? No one is saying you have to perform any acts that are distasteful to you. But human sexual interest is extraordinarily diverse, and it's healthiest when it's openly discussed between two people.
Good Luck>r

Answer 4

it's very common. Come on now, you mean to tell me you never ever ever look at other men?? gimme a break, it's human. I feel as long as someone doesnt actually physically cheat, looking is okay. IF people weren't looking, it wouldnt be there would it?? It means nothing that a guy or girl looks at others, it's something you can't control, if you do, it's not natural. Sorry this is the truth, im sure all the women responders will be pissed. oh well
Merry Xmas, no pun intended

Answer 5

No, you're not going to jail. At the most you will only have to pay for anything that you damaged in the house. But frankly detergent will not cause any damage to walls, couches or carpet. Otherwise they can't really get you for anything, not even a misdemeanor.

Answer 6

your perception of porn is incorrect .. prior to photography, there were nude paintings and nude statuary ... its ART, that is all it is. In most cases, porn is no more a reflection on a spouse than a racy novel ... it is titillating and exotic and may excite your spouse sexually (to your benefit, unless you are a prude or a cold fish) but, it is art, nothing more and nothing less. He isn;t looking for an affair, he is looking for stimulation. Perhaps if you were to be a bit more adventurous and give him something at home to watch, he would be less inclined to be watching the porn. Be creative and sexy for him and you just might persuade him away from his appreciation of porn. Personally, I dont think you need to feel like you have to compete with porn any more than you would feel you have to compete with a nude painting or statue. You women really need to get a perspective .. personally, I dont care for porn, but i see its value as art. It's a FANTASY. Tell me you wont be upset when men stop looking at you ... tell me you dont buy clothes and accessories to enhance your appearance so you are attractive to men. In what way are you also not pornographic, in that sense, even though it is the softest of "porn"?

Answer 7

The same way I'd throw a cheat out say see ya oh and you better take your erased HDD with you lol

Answer 8

It sounds like you already know he is looking at porn on the PC and cheating "in his heart." The Bible says if a man looks upon a woman with lust that he has already committed sin with her for all practical purposes. He's cheating on you in his mind constantly--Jesus would say he is doing so for all intents and purposes physically.

That's why the Bible tells us it IS important what we look at. The eyes are a GATE into the mind, so are the ears. We are the gatekeepers and are responsible for what we allow into our minds. It's one thing to have something pass before your eyes that you weren't expecting; it's another thing to linger and linger. We are not responsible for the birds that fly over our heads, but we are responsible for it when we allow them to build NESTS in our hair. The devil tempts people to get them to "take the bait," knowing that if they do they will reap the destruction in their lives. The devil tries to make us feel like we've already sinned for having a passing thought that the devil tempts us with, but it's the thoughts that we meditate on that we are responsible for, not the ones that the devil passes in front of us momentarily. It sounds like your spouse has purposefully been meditating on lust with porn.

In a sense, it's as if he has already cheated on you several times. What would you do if he physically cheated on your several times and would not stop or apologize? The Bible DOES allow for divorce in cases of infidelity--especially chronic, unapologetic infidelity.

Lovingly confront him and be ready to take that next step if he won't apologize and swear off of it. You should not feel guilty for filing for divorce; it would be Bibical under those circumstances, for the marriage bond has in essence already been broken and you are just ending it on paper in the civil courts to verify what has already taken place in his heart.

Answer 9

and how exactly are they cheating on you, so they like to look at porn, if you look at someone is that cheeting

if you see two animals having sex and youpoint it out or even glance in that general direction should you be thrown in a mental hospital because of bestiality or something?

if you take a bite of a cookie should you be sent to jenny craig because you ate a fattening food?

i think you just want an easy out of a marriage you are not happy in so you are picking at anything that can get you out of it

Answer 10

Throw them out personally & their computer crap, too.