Why my mother in law hates me?

Question

I moved from Milan for my us husband.I quited my nice job as a journalist,i left my lovely parents...i had to study and lear about US.
I m working 50 ours a week in LAX airport. I cook every day fresh italian food 4 my husband.I keep the house clean,do loundry...take care of things in the house.I always go to dinner to my husband s parents...I m nice with them,i bring them gift...even though they try to hurt me with their mean behavior,i shut up and keep on be nice....But his mother always hates me and now wanna even make him believes i m interested in their money.
What can i do?My husbadn is started even to hates her mother cause she disrespect me,but nothing changed...he even mentions to move in another State,but i m scared to do it cause maybe one day it ll work against me.Maybe one day he ll blame me and nomore his mum

Answer 1

This is his mother's problem, not yours. Your husband has to handle it, not you. Just leave it alone and let your husband do whatever he wants to do about it. You just stay nice and neutral and let whatever he decides be what he decides.

Answer 2

Dont take it all so seriously. Maybe you are a bit out of your depth coming to a new country, not knowing the language, and having to relearn for your career. Milan is a fast paced and exciting place to come from and it might take some time to adjust to american ethos.

Don't feel you have to do all that work for your husband, household chores are a shared thing these days with women bringing in their share of the income so they deserve to rest at home too.

You have made some big sacrifices, you deserve to have some time to yourself, maybe go to classes, get your journalistic skills back into line so that you get back working in the field you enjoy most.

In-laws should be the least of your worries. It is a little sad that they can't understand what you are going through with this move to a strange new country, so I think your husband's idea of a move somewhere else is a good one. It will give you time to settle in with your husband without the added pressure of his family and you will have the time to learn the new skills you will need. Plenty of time later for in-laws, when you feel more comfortable, maybe then you might want to move closer again.

Answer 3

It is sad but true that some people, here, in the USA, think that this country should be closed to people from other countries who want to move here. That might be what your husbands parents think is why they hate you. Another reason could, also be that they think that there can NEVER be a woman good enough for their baby boy...their son. If the parents have lots of money they, also, may think that you, really, do not love their son and you only want money. What it all boils down to is one thing, though...Who did you marry? Who do you sleep with, at night? It is your husband that loves you and you love him...that is ALL that needs to matter to you. You should keep on being as nice as you can be to his parents, not because you love them, but because you love your husband and want peace in the family...but, remember, you CANNOT change your husband or change your husband's family...you CANNOT control how others feel about you, but you can control yourself and be happy with your self and with who you are. I wish you blessings on your marriage and hope everyone can be at peace.

Answer 4

Hello, I know what you are going through, My parents come from Italy but i was born in Australia. You don't want to hurt his Mother because you have and were brought up with good morals. So long as it is your husband that understands what his mother is doing and he stands by your side you will be ok. But i think she is threatened by you and she doesn't seem to be needed by her son (your husband) because you are doing such a great job looking after him the house and you also work. You gave up a lot to be with him a good career in Milan and your wonderful parents and i think he knows he has someone special in you let her be the bad egg you keep being polite to her and let your husband put her in her place. Ask him to have a talk to her n your behalf

Answer 5

This is a sad situation. I am however glad to hear your husband is taking up for you, as he should. Moving out of state is like busting an egg with a hammer. I think if you and your husband ignore her for awhile and she approaches you as to why, simply state to her, " Until you can treat my wife with the respect she deserves,and treat her the way you wish to be treated, then and only then, will we reunite." Stay neutral, do not make any scenes, not that i think you have but, remain in your corner. Good luck

Answer 6

Dear Suffering,

If anything is going to change with your mother-in-law, you and your husband need to be on the same team. Where is he in all of this? He may not believe that his mother told lies about you, but how does he feel about the amount of intrusion that you experience from his mother? What was his response to her letting herself in to your house and watching you make love? If there is any agreement between you about the inappropriateness of her behavior, you may be able to work together to set some boundaries. Perhaps your mother-in-law would be open to some gentle help from her son to "getting a life of her own." If your husband doesn't understand your distress and his role in it, you may have to force him to choose who he wants to be married to - you or his mother. Let me know how things go.

Answer 7

This is a situation you, your husband and his mother need to discuss together. If he understands the problem and sees the effect on you AND he supports you then you both need to confront her.
You are not the problem. His mother needs to accept her son's choice for a wife and stop hurting you. If she has something against you as a person she needs to say it to you (and him) directly and stop this indirect insulting behaviour. It will have long lasting effects, do everything you can as a team with your husband to address his mother's rudeness.

Answer 8

How are you in for the money if you work 50 hours a week!

Now you will have to pray that your husband is strong and will ignore what his mother says.

Answer 9

Idea...maybe try letting him go to mothers by self a couple times to get their reaction....if it is a careing reaction then don't worry.. but if they are happy and pleased then maybe something else is wrong...if this is so then maybe try spending a day just you and her doing girley stuff and try to get to know one another on a personal level..she may feel that you took her baby away??

Answer 10

Have faith in yourself and your husband. If you allow GOD to be with you at all times, He will take care of it one day. Meanwhile, continue to do what you believe is right, that is, be nice. It is going to be difficult but you will be the happiest person when you see how what you have done changed them and their lives.