This might sound crazy, but I am not in love with my husband and I am trying to figure out a way to get out of the marriage without destroying my kids. My husband (before we got married) put on a fake persona for about 2 years. It seemed like as soon as we married, the real him came out. I realized I married an imposter, but as a child of divorce, I am afriad of what it will do to my kids. I have threatened to divorce him over and over again, but he throws the kids in my face and that I am too quick to give up. I am just not in love with him. I loved the fake him he pretended to be, but not him. I don't know if I should just be miserable in the marriage for the children's sake, or leave and be able to date a breathe again. I was kind of hoping that he wasn't in love with me either, but everytime I tell him I don't love him, he tells me I am wrong and that if he loves me, I should love him. I am tired of being in this antagonistic sexless marriage. What would you suggest I do?
2006-12-12 18:37:20 · 19 answers · asked by Ms. Chick 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've already answered this question now haven't you? Yes, you have. You know you are going to leave him because you have to.....if not for yourself, ironically, for the children. Think about it this way, go out and find 10 twenty year old kids, then ask them "should I have left your father when you were young?" (obviously the example is your mother to all).... Invariably most would say "yes."....Why? Because they want their mother to be happy as long as you still love them. So, you've answered your question already. good luck, and be well, Jack
2006-12-12 18:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you stay in this marriage for the kids, in the long run its going to destroy your kids even more. Sit down with your kids if they are old enough to understand and tell them whats going on. because if you are going to be miserable your kids are going to be miserable. If you decide to leave ur husband, which i believe u should, attend counseling with your kids to help you how to deal with the process of a divorce and at the same time your kids could learn how to manage the situation.
I rather be happy and alone, then being with someone that makes me miserable, cry, unhappy, depressed, and so on. there's other good fishes in the sea.
Pray to god ask for guidance and support and u will get the strength u need to leave. good luck
2006-12-13 03:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by gonzalezleon3022 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't personally agree with divorce... I think that there are certain things that can pretty much force the issue.
As a child growing up without a father, I learned a great deal from my mother... to stay or to go... That will have to be your own decision... but the kids will continue to love you no matter what... if you continue onto sucess after the divorce... then you may just show your kids what true diligence is...
"for the kids" is a bad excuse... you will continue to support them and teach them...
I urge you... try counselling... talk to a pastor, or your mother... she may be a little old fashioned but isn't she the one that taught you how to be a wife and a mother?... she might have thought about it at one point too...
2006-12-13 02:43:38 · answer #3 · answered by teche16 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not stay for the kids because you are hurting them by staying not leaving. I will be leaving my abusive husband soon and I thought I was staying for the kids until my 6 year old daughter came to me and said " You have such a miserable life with daddy. I thought that a man is supposed to love his wife and children and treat them right. Why don't we go over grandma's and you can find a better husband one day". From the mouths of babes huh? Your kids know when you're not happy. You need to set your plans in motion and get a divorce. please get a divorce and move on. Lots of love to you!
2006-12-13 02:44:59 · answer #4 · answered by Veronique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some parents are better parents seperated. I know it seems like a bad situation for your children to go through a divorce. but if you stay and your children grow up seeing how miserable you have been all these years, what message would you be sending them then? Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit forand really catch on to these things. Staying could make your children never believe that love really exsists.
2006-12-13 02:55:08 · answer #5 · answered by Wenz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of you and the kids, see a professional or a pastor or someone who will help you get your thoughts in order---no need to be miserable and the kids should never be the dividing factor---the issue of the kids being thrown in your face is a reason to go---the kids will eventually see what's going on and wind up with problems from being a lever to run your life---not at all a savory perdicament----please seek help and do it fast. You need to be happy too. Merry xmas and good luck
2006-12-13 02:46:43 · answer #6 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely go to counselling-- even if he says he loves you he MUST be aware that the marriage is not alright. Then he should actually have suggested the idea. The kids is a good reason to stay married, but isn't love a better one? Give it a try, people change for the right reasons you know.............
2006-12-13 02:47:27 · answer #7 · answered by Cyrill sneer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a major difference in loving someone and being in love with someone, and to stay for the kids is just wrong. Dont make yourself any more miserable than you already are. And girl dont let him make you feel guilty, there's nothing to feel guilty about. Over time people change, feelings change, especially if the other person isnt who he originally seemed to be or said he was. The children will understand as they get older and you get that chance to have the heart to heart talk with them about what really happend, they have to grow first. As long as you two are sharing time with the children they should be just fine. I think you should get out now while it is fresh in your mind and in your heart, staying for convenience will eventually make you a bitter person. Good luck to you and follow your heart and listen to that gut feeling!
2006-12-13 02:45:05 · answer #8 · answered by nurse33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never stay for kids.
You have heard the saying "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". That also works the other way....
"when momma's happy - everybody's happy".
Just tread lightly. Kids are effected a great deal. But do you want them to grow up thinking that this is a good marriage? Life is a continuous cycle. Break a bad cycle - be true and honest. This man sounds more like a control freak and not a hubby. If he thinks you should love him because he says you should - RED FLAG!
There is plenty of help out there for kids of divorce. It is hard, but the alternative is worse!
2006-12-13 02:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by shelly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i actually grew up in a family like this. my mom stayed with my dad for years and years even though he cheated on her and they had no kind of a loving marriage. the thing is, my sister and i could see right through it. we didn't know what it was exactly that was different about our parents from other kids, but we knew. my mother ended up miserable. she feels that she devoted her whole life to us so that we could have a "normal" two parent family. but it was far from normal. i know it would have been horrible if my parents had divorced when i was a kid, but at least i would have had two happy parents. don't do your kids any favors by showing them an example of a loveless marriage. they would be far better off facing divorce, and seeing two happy healthy parents even if they aren't together.
2006-12-13 02:44:53 · answer #10 · answered by Wink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying for the kids is admirable but never works. Especially if it is hurting you .Being with someone who brings out the worst in you is ludicrous. You and the kids are who matters. He knows this. He just doesn't want you to know it. Tell him what you need. Tell him to change. If he doesn't take the high road. Good luck to you.
2006-12-13 06:27:20 · answer #11 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋