My boyfriend is addicted to the internet! What can I do?

Question

He goes online first thing in the morning, before showering! As soon as he gets home from work, he is online for hours until he goes to bed. I get so frustrated because I want us to be doing things together, maybe not going out all the time but at least living in the real world and not online.
Its not like he is looking at porn or anything bad. He just pays SO much attention to it that I feel like a piece of the background...like a lamp or something. Ive tried talking to him but he doesnt understand my problem. Without the internet here, he would DIE... I dont want to be controlling and disconnect internet (im a student, that would make it rough) or do something like steal his laptop but how do i show him that I cant be his wallflower forever??
Im sick of playing second fiddle to the damn internet!

Answer 1

First of all, don't be hard on yourself. Whether he wants to recognize it or not, your boyfriend is making a conscious choice to spend time on the Internet instead of spending time in a 'live' relationship.

It sounds like you've already told him that his activity on the Internet appears to be taking time away from being with you -- to the point that you feel like an accessory rather than an individual.

Here's some ideas in any relationship for setting expectations in the behaviors of our significant others:

A) I'm not you: The things I do and enjoy may not be the same things you do and/or enjoy. Just because football/internet/quilting/armpit noises are your idea of excitement, they may not be mine. Can we set a schedule of when we do your things for a reasonable amount of time and then we do my things?

B) Not sharing = not caring: I won't know that you care about me if you aren't sharing some of our activities or spending some time doing things WITH me and not just AROUND me. Maybe you didn't remember but this is MY home/room/special place also and I'm not going to put up with having it occupied solely with what you want to do when you want to do it. It's not fair to me or to you if I let you think that's all I will be happy with.

C) Do you really know how MUCH this activity is taking up in your day? You might be able to demonstrate this more visibly by actually taking the opportunity to check the clock when he begins and ends using the Internet around you. A week is probably all it would take -- you'd have the evidence to support your assertion that the Internet IS occupying more of his time than you are -- and not just in a casual so-so way.

If these kinds of steps aren't successful, you may have to resort to asking family or friends to talk with him about it. He may not take it for granted if they bring it up as well.

Answer 2

Is he studying or just surfing. An hour or 2 a day is one thing, but to be obsessed about it is a problem. How long has he been doing it? The novelty should wear off pretty soon. If he is chatting then he is basically cheating on you or choosing those people over you. Stop waiting around for him and find yourself another bf. Maybe he will wake up when your gone maybe not. He is missing out on real life while he sits in front of the computer.

Answer 3

Tell him he needs to make time for you and the internet. You understand that he likes it and it is enjoyable for him but that you are a person and you cant be ignored. I just went though this with my other half. He started to get really into the internet all the time. We have a child together and are married. I told him it hurt my feelings and that if he couldnt find the time to be with me then Id be finding time for someone else. You deserve attention. Why be in a one sided relationship. You worship him and love him and he is only interested in the inet. Cmon girl get some balls and tell him its either share his time or live in solitude with his internet!

Answer 4

This is a question i can relate too..my hubby before he deployed to Iraq was just like this always addicted constantly. Yes he did other duties and of course worked his *** off fulltime and took care of his daughter. But lets say he is in love with the internet too. I just began to do other things like crafts or work more and clean the house when i was frustrated. Many times though i would strip tease to try to get him off and sometimes it would work. Good luck their is no solution for this problem.

Answer 5

Make a website and post pictures of yourself, get a webcam, and communicate with him through the Internet even though you are in the same room. When he's on IM, send him spam emails with links to your website... lure him with devious and lurid promises of what passes as romance on the internet.

When he bites, charge $50 to his AMEX as a subscription to your website/webcam, and then use that $50 (less the credit card processing fees of course) to pay for a maid to come in for a couple hours every other week.

Leave them alone, he on his laptop and she to clean... and then come back and, each time, outwardly show increasing suspcition that the two of them are carrying on an affair behind your back.

Now write these suspicions in your website and talk about them to your boyfriend over your webcam as if he is a complete stranger. He will be excited at the idea that your boyfriend is cheating on you, and that you may be tempted to cheat on him, with him, as an act of revenge.

Sweet justice.

Answer 6

There is only one thing you can do. God gave you that body for a reason. Sounds like its time to use it.

If he still ignores you... well then he's not addicted to the internet, he's dead. Then its time to start finding someone with a pulse.

Answer 7

Can you get limits put on internet access from your computer by your Internet Service Provider?

Answer 8

try giving him a little strip tease! but on a serious note, just try doing something to gain his attention. and let him know that it really bothers you, and tell him that if it doesn't change, you'll leave him...for the exact same reasons you just mentioned in your two paragraphs above...If he doesn't understand, or seems unmoved to you opening up, dump him, and find someone better....by the way he sounds, it wouldn't be hard to acheive...

Answer 9

I think your boyfriend needs some help. He is losing touch with reality. You can't experience life if all you do is surf the internet.

Answer 10

Try and get him to set time aside everyday for you and also for his computer. And talk to him about your feelings about the internet and all the time he spends.