what should the baby's last name be.?

Question

I'm having a child in January. Me and the father of the baby are at ends as to what the last name should be. He says his and i say mine. I say the baby should have my name because we aren't married. and if we weren't to get married then the baby could carry my name. He plans to be around to take care of his child and therefore feels that the baby should have is last name. I don't like the hyphenated because that causes issues with the name being to long. right now the child is passing on his grandfather middle name. i don't have a name to pass on or one that he would agree with. I told him that if we were to get married than the child could have is last name. and that would be the only way i could agree to it...anyone have and advice as to what can be done to not make tensions any worse before i go into labor

Answer 1

The baby should have your last name unless you are married. Here's why.

The father says that he will be there, but the chance remains that he may decide that a family isn't what he wants after all, once he gets a taste of it.

My little boy's father disappeared without a trace about five years ago. I had refused to give the baby his last name unless we were either a) married, or b) he was officially bound by the state to pay child support.

He told me that if I tried to get him for child support, he would try to nail me for custody. Well, guess what? My last name is a dying one, and I gave him MY LAST NAME.

To this day, we have not seen one cent of child support, but I would rather NOT receive it than to have my son feel like he's named after only a sperm donor, and not a father who wants him.

Answer 2

If you have this baby and you are still not married to the baby's father, you should give the baby your name.

If the guy says that he is going to be there to take care of his child then he would ensure that by making you his wife. If he doesn't give you his last name before the baby comes than the baby should have your last name.
Because the childs father has shown no evidence that he is going to be there for it all. After the novelty of being a dad wears off and when the times when being a parent is so tough.
I notice too that he hasn't said he would be there for you.
Does "planning to be around to take care of the child mean that he is willing to pay child support and visit the child every other weekend or when he feels like it....after the novelty of being a dad wears off.
If he isn't planning on being there for the rest of your life you better give the child your last name when its born because if he isn't seriously planning on making you his wife for the rest of his life, there is no promise or evidence of anykind that he will be there for the rest of his childs life either and the child doesn't need the name of a guy that didn't honor the mother of his child first.
So no give that child your last name.Unless dad steps up to be more than a sperm donor and wants to be a real MAN.

Answer 3

The baby should have his fathers last name. Here is one reason why, what if you were to marry someone else...you would take your husbands last name. Then your son would not have the same name as either of his parents. A womans name is something that changes, traditionally family names go through the men in most cultures. Stick with what is normal. Being a child out of wedlock is hard enough. He or she will have a divided life from the very beginning. So what you can to make things easier and allow the child to have a tangible link to his father. You will deliver the baby, you will have felt every kick, some times a name is a link like that for a father. Respect his desire to share something with his child and let it happen.

Good Luck

Answer 4

First i think its not YOUR call, it seems since the woman has the baby men's rights are just thrown out the window nowadays. You both went 1/2 on this baby remember. Both of you should be involved any decisions regarding the baby. Its not just YOUR child, ya know, its his as well. Since you guys aren't married but seem to look to have a future together this would be a great foundation for you guys to lay to build a strong relationship on. The baby should have the father's last name. If you guys were to marry it would be doable, yet difficult to change the child's name to the father's name. Plus consider than with good time's they're are bad times, and during those bad times you don't want to make the child's name an issue by him not having his father's last name.
I have my mom's last name, you should see the awkward look i get when I'm ask my mother's maiden name and its the same. Although i don't care much for whomever is judging at that moment it still kinda feels bad. ha ha. A lot of women of here are speaking for themselves, but as a child who's mother chose to not give me my dad's last name i sometimes wish i did have his last name. I feel at times maybe i'd be closer to him if just that was different. I want to change it now and i've ask my mother why she did that. She answered similar to the people's answers on her but i sometimes feel it wasnt a good enough reason. I dont resent her or nothing, but i do wish she would had not of thought selfishly when discussing my name since it took two people to make me.
You DONT want to get married on the basis that he gets an incentive of having the baby's last name be his.
Let this be the foundation for the relationship, the situation i mean, give the baby his/her father's last name. I'm sure soon after you'll have a name change as well.

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation, but I gave my son my last name. The baby will be living with you, and you will be dealing with everything. Think of when he's in school, and his last name is Smith, everyone will be calling you "Mrs. Smith" when your last name is really Jones... It's pretty confusing

I thought long and hard about it, and that is what I decided. Yes, my child has a father, but I am the one who is here EVERY DAY, I am the one who CARRIED him for nine months. I feel like he is part of me, and I think he should have my name. But that might not be the right choice for you. (BTW, his dad was great, up until 2 weeks before I delievered my son. He hasn't even seen him, so I am glad I made that decision before he was born)

Think about this long and hard. If you give him his dad's name, and he changes his mind about being around, then you might regret it. It costs about $200 to change the birth cert after the fact.
I hope this helps

Answer 6

Well, I like the suggestion about you two just getting married that way you don't need to WORRY about who gets naming rights.

But here's something else to think about...if you can't agree on whose last name the baby will bear, are you REALLY ready to get married? You guys are going to have to have a long talk now so you can see eye-to-eye on MUCH more important issues.

That said, just give the baby his last name...it's part his too, ya know!

Answer 7

I was in the same situation but my reason for the baby having my name was different. Unfortunately, we don't have the linage of men to carry our name. Not to mention, I did not plan on having any children so the one I did have would need to carry my name on. I decided hyphenated thing would be best for me. Don't mention long, one last name has 7 letters the other 6. Now years down the line, I am thankful for my decision. Unfortunately, my daughters father is deceased now and I did not have any trouble getting the needed death benefits because she has his last name. I don't want you to worry about your fiance but I heard a sermon about preparing a fortress around our families. This is a very important, pray about it.

Answer 8

The baby should have the last name of the person who has primary custody. If you get married to the father, then you and the child can take on the dad's name.

Answer 9

I would give the child his last name. He is the dad, and seeing as he wants the child to take his name, I would encourage his role as a parent by following tradition.

I am due in January also, and my baby's father and I are no longer together. Im going to give my baby his last name. Even though our relationship ended, it is his child. His last name is not just his...it is his FAMILY'S name. The child will have a whole bunch of relatives he/she is connected to. Why would I deny this to my child?

In the end its up to you, but remember you didnt create this baby by yourself. I just dont understand women who make a big deal of the name thing and hypenate their babies names, keep their maiden names after marriage, or give their child their last name when the father wants to be involved.

Answer 10

IT doesn't matter what last name you give the kid, it doesn't make it easier or harder to get child support, if he were to die, wouldn't make it easier or harder for an inheritance, (it would go to next of kin, if not married, the kid would get it, if married you would) doesn't make it easier or harder to get anything monetary.
I am not married to my babies father, we are still together and happy, My son has his father's last name. He would have gotten it even if we weren't going to stay together. I think, looking at it from a father's perspective, that it's very improtant for their child to have their last name and be on the birth certificate. Yes we carry the baby for 9 months and go through labor, we have the pleasure of giving birth to our babies, let dad have his name. It's one of the first gifts a father can give to his child.
Or pick something other than yours and his last names.