my husband wants to be a swinger and i refuse and he tries to force me into it. and says that i am weird because i dont have any fansties. he also surfs the internet daily looking at swinger sites,and porn. this really bothers me..i never have told him no when he wants sex even if i dont want to.i dont understand. he has even went as far as going to swinger parties..with me..but i had no idea thats where we were going until we walked in, he would just tell me he wanted to get away for the weekend with me..this is really affecting our marriage on his part and mine... i am tired of hearing him talk about it!! we argue about it all the time! what should i do???
2006-12-12 15:03:43 · 17 answers · asked by torybeth 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DON'T let him force you into this lifestyle. I've been in that horrible lifestyle and I don't blame you for not wanting to do it. If he says he loves you, he's not showing it by trying to push you into something that you have no interest in. What he does about looking at porn and swinger sites is something that I used to do, and it bothered my wife as well.
What the problem with me was I got selfish, and was expecting my wife to do things to make me happy, especially when it came to sex. And it almost led to us getting a divorce. We seperated for a while, and after that we started marriage counceling after we got back together.
What your husband is doing is very wrong. And things that are fantasy are best kept as fantasy.
2006-12-12 15:14:50 · answer #1 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband needs therapy immediately.
The fact you obviously don't have the same value system as him regarding this,and if he refuses to go to counseling, I would seriously consider divorce.
There would be no benefit in you going to therapy because you aren't the one with a problem. But there may be a support group in your area that might be of great assistance to you in dealing with this.
I hate to see anyone go through divorce, but sometimes you just are matched up with the wrong guy or gal. And when you have a swinger who won't acknowledge your needs and deal with them appropriately, then divorce is usually the only remedy.
I don't know how long you have been together, but if you are newly married, better you get out now and move on. This obviously isn't a part of marriage you bargained for, and if you don't believe in swinging, then you really don't have a lot of options. Get out of this mess asap.
2006-12-12 23:18:28 · answer #2 · answered by Gnome 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a very sick man with a disease called sexual addiction. He needs to realize that he has a problem and seek serious counseling. If he refuses to admit this or seek help then my suggestion would be to end your marriage. There is no man that can love and respect his wife and act this way. I lived with a sex addict for 25 years and wonder why I waited to so long to end things. It was a horrible way to live. He destroyed my self esteem because he had no respect for me and no one should have to live with their spouse committing adultery against them all the time, which is what he is doing every time he looks at porn and lusts after other women. You took a marriage vow to forsake all others, Make him live up to that vow.
2006-12-12 23:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by Sally B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like this problem is way over your head (No offense intended) and your husband is in need of some serious counseling. I don't think he understands he could put his marriage in jeopardy, but I have a feeling you do. Try to talk to him in the most serious way you know how and tell him you guys need to see a marriage counselor because of this before it goes to far. If you can get him to go then hopefully the counselor can convince him he needs further counseling. Good Luck I hope everything can work out but please don't blame yourself if it doesn't. There is NOTHING wrong with you because you believe in your marriage vows ("Forsaking all others")
2006-12-12 23:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by tpbthigb 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you tell him in a calm manner that when he married you he was suppose to only spend his life/lovelife with you.You cannot bear to see him with another woman and cannot risk the fact that jealousy will play a very big part in a breakup in the future.Also tell him that you do not want to have sex with anyone but him and vice versa.Stand up for what you believe in!Goodluck...
2006-12-12 23:21:42 · answer #5 · answered by Storm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is wrong for him to try to force this on you, when you have told him time and again you are not interested.
I would give him an ultimatum: either you stop this and get some help (yes, counseling) or I leave.
This relationship can not work if he continues on this path. It is cheating on his part, and unsafe for both of you.
2006-12-12 23:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by kristin c 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience that I tried to get my wife to do this with me in the past. So much so that she always excused me of having an affair. So one stupid night I met up with an ex girlfriend and we messed around. After two weeks I could not take the betrayal and told her. We tried to work it our for 3years but she could not get past it... to make a long story shorter... I totally regret asking her to do those things now and would do anything to get her back. Unfortunately whats done is done and after 16 years of being together we will end up divorced because of it.
So ask him would he rather have you for the rest of his life or play around with other women along the rest of his life...after tellin him what happened to me
2006-12-12 23:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by Amazinghandz 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if you're not enough for him then you're willing to step aside and give him his freedom, but there's going to be a price. He will NEVER see you again. He sounds like a profoundly disturbed and selfish SOB and I think the sooner you distance yourself from this manipulating bastard the better off you will be.
2006-12-12 23:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're husband doesn't sound like a smart man, he sounds immature.
If you want to get past this, you should go to a swingers party and just watch, he'll see the look on your face, also, he'll see it's not all it's cracked up to be.
He'll see that these so-called 'swingers' aren't very good looking, with more men than women.
2006-12-12 23:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
absolutely no one should be pressured into doing something that they don't want to do.
your honey is on very shaky ground. unless you would like a little case of aids or some other std. I'd get out of this relationship fast.
2006-12-12 23:08:12 · answer #10 · answered by KRIS 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋