Married too soon?

Question

Emailed and talked on the phone only for 10 months then saw each other for the 1st time and 1 week later got married. He's 38 i'm 24. Now I feel we don't know each other and we made a mistake. He's very selfish. By the way we are now 6 months pregnant.

Answer 1

Talk to him, go to counseling. Try to make it work first, for the babys sake.

Answer 2

oops...we all do crazy things - at least I hope so!
The thing is SOMETHING brought you together and now with the baby it is binding you together.
A lot of men/people are still in a selfish stage at 24. My husband just turned 25 last summer, I am pushing 40. We have been together for 5 years...a lot has come up for us to work thru - but we do it. Even if he was closer to your age there would still be issues; there are always things to work on in a relationship.
I agree with the people who suggest going to counseling & getting some help. Again, there is something of substance to what you have. Don't give up!

Answer 3

You are right, you made a mistake and now that has been compounded by bringing a child into the mix. I do not see the child making things better especially if he is a selfish man like you say, it might make things worse if he thinks you pay too much attention to the baby and not to him. Men like that can get jealous of their own children. I would think long and hard and then do it all again about just what kind of a life you are going to bring that baby into. If you need to make a change, get ready and do it now easier now than after the baby. It is all up to you. Good luck

Answer 4

Your right you did move way to fast and you didn't know each other very well. Now you need to sit down and think you are preg which is connecting you two until the end of time. You really do have the answers to this within you and you know what you have to do for you and the baby. Just trust yourself, follow what you know is true to your heart and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Be strong and remember you cannot do anything about 5 minutes ago, but you can do everything about 5 minutes from now. Be strong, take good care of yourself and good luck.

Answer 5

Yes.

Impulsive marriages are usually disasters.

You say he is selfish? That's a serious red flag. He might not want to compete for your attention when the baby comes.

Start making preparations to FLEE. Selfish men are often in the early stages of becoming controling and degenerating into ABUSIVE.

Does he have an ex-wife or two? You can still do a background check. There are many good services that can check him out.

My poor dear, you are in one "mell of a hess".

I hope you have a good solid support network of family and close trusted friends. You will need it. Start by making sure you have his Social Security Number.

I hope all goes well, but you've got a very rough road ahead.

Answer 6

Most definitely, you married too quickly, and now you're stuck with him for the next 18 years; unless...

It's too late for an abortion, but if you could convince your new spouse that having children now is too early, and you want to give up the child for adoption - then after the child has been adopted - get a lawyer and get a divorce ASAP. If you don't give up the kid, you'll have to deal with this selfish guy for the next 18 years.

Or, you could try to work it out. Sounds like that would be the tough route. I don't envy you this predicament. Sorry!

Answer 7

Duhhhhh.

It's easy to get caught up in the intrigue and excitement. And you think you know the person but in reality you know what they let you know. Not all internet marriages are doomed... many survive and with great passion...but a person truly needs to know the person... I always tell people to ask the same questions in many ways over a period of time. If nothing else it will tell you if they are consistant or likely to be lieing.

Well I think it's a good time to do some retraining. He needs to know that as a soon to be dad...he has to invest in the relationship with you and the baby... instead of thinking only of himself... It's not too late to turn around but you had better lay the ground rules out.... but you have to act on his willingness too. If he doesn't work out...don't stay with him for the baby....

Answer 8

Yes, I think you married too soon but life moves fast like that sometimes. Is there any way you could maybe looking into some marriage counseling? It won't save what can't be saved but it could show you your options. Good luck with everything, especially your baby.

Answer 9

did the same thing, but i went into it with the idea that it was forever, and so did she, we've been married for a year and a half and are still getting to know each other, look at it as a positive thing, be kind, be patient and be courtious, the love is there.

Answer 10

first comes the child. you need to keep in mind that he/she is top priority. a great buddy of mine did somewhat the same thing. as long as you try to make it as painless as possible for the baby and not scar this kids life then a good talk is the remedy. talk to your significant other and let that person know how you are feeling. better not to let these kinds of situations go unspoken about. this tends to lead couples down a spiraling path to NOWHERE! remember to be honest

Answer 11

You got married 1 week after meeting? Honey, I don't think you need anyone to tell you it was not only too soon...but not a good match...

It can always be undone though...so do what's best for you...don't allow yourself to settle, just because you made a mistake...this life is too short to waste any of it...