My best friends exhusband was arrested as a murder suspect. They have been divorced for 3 years. They have a 3 1/2 year old and a 5 year old. She is going to tell them that their daddy is sick and had to go away for a while. What should she say when they ask for him? They are to young to know for now but she also doesnt want them to get their hopes up to see him when they arent. He only saw them on average once a month anyway.
2006-12-12 14:13:38 · 32 answers · asked by nekiawhitaker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell them he had to go away...tell them the truth when they get older
2006-12-12 14:15:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since they are so little, she should definitely not tell them the truth. They are too young to understand any of it. If it were me I would tell them that he took a job out of town & they won't be hearing from him for awhile. Like a fishing job or something like that.
Your freind also needs to realize that she dosn't want to make up a huge lie, as she eventually will have to tell them the truth.
She also needs to get stright in her own mind that she isn't with holding the truth to protect their dad...she is lieing to protect them.
If he has been arrested but not made a deal or had a trial, then who knows what might happen. Another reason to just with hold the truth.
Ultimately, she will have to tell them the truth; they have a right to the truth of what their dad did. Now at the age of 3 & 5 is not the time to try and understand that.
2006-12-12 14:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very tricky because of the childrens young age, and you do not want to say anything bad about the father because the way children think they think if a parent is bad so are they because they are just like the parent. I personally would not say anything unless the children ask then and only then would I say that daddy had to go away for awhile but, he loves you very much and is thinking of you. Also because he has not been convicted it may be a moot point he could get accquitted then there would not be anything to tell the children. Either way counseling may be needed for the kids.
Give your friend my best wishes
2006-12-12 14:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by hurricanemercedes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She can tell them that Daddy has a bunch of things he has to take care of and will be away for a long time. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love them, but that he can't visit with them like usual. Then, I'd encourage her to ask her ex to send letters to the kids...even just a hand drawn picture to let them know that he still cares.
2006-12-12 14:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by SoCalBeachGal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Chances are, if Daddy is not brought up around them, they won't mention him either. If they ask for him, she wouldn't be lying if she told them that Daddy is sick. You said that he has been arrested as a murder suspect, it hasn't been proven and I'm sure he is sick about it.
If in fact he is charged and sent to prison, she will have to tell them in a way they can understand, she will tell them when they are ready.
2006-12-12 14:22:11 · answer #5 · answered by kayboff 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I personally think you should let her handle that situation. I know it can be hard to tell a child something, escpecially if they won't understand. She can keep telling them the same thing, but I'd think that it would be better to explain the best way she can. Because they are going to get older eventually and want to know the truth. I hope the best for your friend.
Krazy Libra
2006-12-12 14:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by krazy_libra_from_ac 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a double edged sword here
lie to them and later in life the will resent you lying to them
tell them the truth and they will always have a complex about their father
for now i would tell them that he moved out of town and won't be back for awhile
if and or when he is found guilty and once they get older they will need to know the truth or they will here about it on the playground at school and that they will hate you for
2006-12-12 14:18:57 · answer #7 · answered by seven_ms_man 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them the truth. They will resent any less from her. And could cause problems later on. Oh yeah, do wait until they know he's going to prison. If he's found not guilty, then they really dont ever need know. Unless poppa wants to tell them later on!
2006-12-12 14:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by Hi Y'all! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FOR NOW, you might tell them "Your Daddy has caught a disease that could possibly cause him to die. He has been taken to a place in another state so they can possibly get him better. BUT there's a chance that none of us will ever see him again."
And LATER when they can better comprehend and -fully- understand (age will vary), tell them the _complete truth_ and why it seemed that sort of fibbing to them was an easier way of telling them without telling them a 'total lie' when they were younger.
2006-12-12 14:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by Chuck S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think for now...they don't need to know anything about where he is...but when they ask a simple...daddy had to go somewhere for work will do. Simple and easy. Of course this is only a short term fix. If he is convicted, eventually they will need to know more. Better she should tell them than hearing it in school from people whose parents will obviously know.
2006-12-12 14:16:55 · answer #10 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow that's sad, if it were me I would tell my kids that your dad had to go far away because of his work, and probably around 5 years old I think I would tell him the truth, not in detail but she could tell the child he has hurt someone badly, and has to pay for it by going to jail, and if he does go for good they will probably forget about him, that's if she wants them to forget. That is a hard
one, I feel for her.
2006-12-12 14:24:40 · answer #11 · answered by sweepit 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋